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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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New beginning. Dating thread 41

999 replies

lubeybooby · 11/02/2013 23:22

Dating chit chat here :)

OP posts:
VoiceofUnreason · 14/02/2013 13:49

I suspect it is a mix of trolls who just enjoy being nasty generally and possibly some women who have been played along those lines. I did reply to the first one. Think I said "you might want to update your profile as it gives the impression you want a partner. It's clear you don't value anyone's attributes other than their ability to produce sperm and therefore only want a donor; I'm sure with your attitude you'll easily find a wanker for that job".

I didn't bother replying to any more and I shan't reply to this morning's effort. Of course, it proves they don't read actual profiles because if they did, they'd see what's really what as I always explain the actuality (without it being the first line).

Fortunately I'm in a good place. If I was at a low ebb, I would find it quite upsetting. It can get you down, though, being childfree by choice (because of how other people can be) or unable to have kids. Towards the end of the last OD stint I decided that if I tried OD again I would just look for childfree women. It's just safer and easier, especially when undecideds tend to ignore us because we're taking their decision from them. It's quite hard, sometimes. If you date someone with kids it flags up what you'd love to have had but can't. You don't resent that person or the kids but the emotions can be very conflicting. I suppose sometimes a hint of jealousy. Difficult to explain it.

I'm a godfather, that's OK. And my goddaughter's elder brother has adopted me as unofficial favourite uncle. That's cool too.

OhWesternWind · 14/02/2013 14:00

Voice I just can't understand people like that. Very weird. Even if those women personally have had a bad experience, I can't see why they'd want to lambast a stranger on the internet . . . That's the problem with being online, though - and as I've found on this thread Smile. People sometimes feel that it's alright to say things to you that they wouldn't dream of saying face-to-face, either because they feel more confident being an anonymous person hiding behind a username and a screen, or because they don't really realise that what they're saying will have an impact on a real, live person. Either way, it's crap.

Have you heard back from La Bellissima? I've got my fingers crossed for you . . .

JulietteMontague · 14/02/2013 14:16

Voice I like the line about finding a wanker Grin

Western so true about online

Others having a V day crisis, not ignoring I thought it wouldn't bother me but I think it might be so I'm going to avoid it.

chuchiface · 14/02/2013 14:25

No cards here either but I'm not fussed on it anyway.

I can't understand those women mailing you voice, there are some strange folk out there!

Have my first OD date on Saturday, fingers crossed it won't be a total disaster...

VoiceofUnreason · 14/02/2013 14:31

Smoothie - never use main dealers or chain-style garages (unless you have to as part of a warranty if the car is new). Aside from anything else, the labour charges are criminal. Just had my Citroen serviced at a small garage - labour charged at £55 per hour. Citroen main dealer £90 per hour.

OWW - no, nothing heard from La Bellissima. I have a feeling I won't but that's OK. As I said, to have had one lovely message brought a smile to the fizzog that will last me through the no doubt oncoming drought of waiting for someone else to magically appear.

48howdidthathappen · 14/02/2013 14:41

I have been exchanging a few texts with Mr R&R since our phonecall last night.

He has just sent one saying 'I have never been in your position, so please try to forgive me if I sometimes get it wrong. I am on a learning curve'. Hugs xx

He is a good guy Smile

smoothieooo · 14/02/2013 14:45

48 Mr R&R sounds just... lovely.

Voice cheers for the heads up. Brief hijack - can I just ask whether you always service your car prior to its MOT? I've got an 8 year old Peugeot diesel which I bought from a garage in December and there has been absolutely no issues with it.

48howdidthathappen · 14/02/2013 14:48

Chuch Good luck! We will expect a full report Smile

I always use a small independant garage/workshop for my car. Loads cheaper.

Right must walk dog.

lulubellaboozle · 14/02/2013 14:48

48 that is a good guy, you're right! I'd only he knew how many supporters he had! Grin

VoiceofUnreason · 14/02/2013 14:56

48 - I think that's a bloody marvellous text to get. Definitely 100% lovely guy.

OhWesternWind · 14/02/2013 15:00

48 Another Mr R&R fan here!

KinNora · 14/02/2013 15:06

I'm reading the thread backwards to catch up on today's posts - I bloody love Mr R&R, he's an absolute star.

SweetSeraphim · 14/02/2013 16:20

I like the cut of Mr R&R's job also Grin

SweetSeraphim · 14/02/2013 16:20

Ha! jib I mean. Am obsessed with finding a job!

VoiceofUnreason · 14/02/2013 16:24

smoothie - depends what condition it is in, miles on the clock, how many miles you do annually, how you drive it. some cars they recommend services every 10,000 miles but some cars now are 12,000 and more - including some diesels. i'd look to see in the logbook that came with your car what it recommends and when it was last serviced and go from there. I do 8,000 miles a year and as it was 5 years old, gave it a major service last year (£200). This year I just gave it a lesser, oil change service (£80). Passed MOT.

QuizTeamAguilera · 14/02/2013 16:26

New to the thread but advice much needed if poss.

Lead up to date was fab - emails, texts, phone calls. All very civilised, not larey or sexual but shared sense of humour definitely. It has also been established, via lots of photos, that the attraction was there for both.

Moving on...One date later and many, many phone calls and texts, he says he is scared of losing me if he gets too involved. I backed off immediately but still he wants to be in touch and asks for some understanding/time. He has been very hurt in the past but I don't necessarily get this.

Isn't it as simple as- either you do or you don't? Maybe I'm being unfair? What does this mean to anyone who understands men?

Just to add. I don't believe he is a 'player' (hate that expression) and we are not young!

48howdidthathappen · 14/02/2013 16:27

I don't deserve him Blush

My 17yo DD has just got back from seeing her BF. She has returned with 'I love you chocs', teady bear (I know) and card. Florist has just delivered a dozen red roses.
Oh to be young and in love.

Whispers very happy with my text.

QuizTeamAguilera · 14/02/2013 16:28

Sorry feels a bit like I am butting in here.

48howdidthathappen · 14/02/2013 16:29

Or teddy bear even. Only blessing he has a not a word on his chest Smile

VoiceofUnreason · 14/02/2013 16:34

Quiz - he's scared he's afraid of losing you after ONE DATE??? I'd see that as weird.

Scrazy · 14/02/2013 16:37

Quiz, he sounds really odd. Sorry, this isn't right, he might be trying to let you down gently after all the build up. ala 'it's not you it's me'.

Scrazy · 14/02/2013 16:38

Sorry Quiz, I skim read. Hmm perhaps not letting you down but still odd.

QuizTeamAguilera · 14/02/2013 16:50

I did go through all the possibilities in my head. Asked a few pertinent questions. All adds up to nothing.

The way I see it is: If he liked me that much, he'd continue to see me. If he was letting me down or just decided I wasn't for him, he'd just leave it. It's perfectly easy to just disappear in these situations isn't it?

He's confused me by saying all this. He seems a very average person in every other way.

Anyway, I have just left it and have done for more than a month but he still wants to be in contact.

QuizTeamAguilera · 14/02/2013 16:55

Voice, you're a bloke aren't you? This isn't usual 'bloke behaviour' is it? Not even, very over-sensitive-bloke-behaviour?

Agreed, he is slightly jumping the gun but he insists it's how he feels. [CONFUSED]

QuizTeamAguilera · 14/02/2013 16:56

Confused or that even!