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Original poster

New beginning. Dating thread 41

999 replies

lubeybooby · 11/02/2013 23:22

Dating chit chat here :)

OP posts:
ike1 · 14/02/2013 10:02

Oh...............do you know for sure he has done nothing OWW??

VoiceofUnreason · 14/02/2013 10:04

OWW It's still very early. Plenty of time yet for a card, or flowers, or cheese to arrive!

OhWesternWind · 14/02/2013 10:05

No but I don't think he has, he'd not have been able to resist dropping hints. Might be surprised but I doubt it.

48howdidthathappen · 14/02/2013 10:08

OWW Don't feel bad because you did a nice thing. ((((hugs))))

OhWesternWind · 14/02/2013 10:17

I just feel a bit stupid.

I don't think he feels the same about me as I do about him. I don't think I'm very important to him.

Can't have a conversation with him about any of this for a couple of reasons. First of all, it's a really bad time for him over the next week or so - first anniversary of his dad's death approaching, today is when his dad was taken ill and so on. So I know he is low because of this and I don't think it's a good time. Also we're going to have the children with us next time we meet so no chance to talk. Also I am scared to have the conversation as I don't think I will like what I hear.

lulubellaboozle · 14/02/2013 10:19

Western wetfish duly administered > it's early days, and don't read too much into it - he spoilt you on your birthday and cooked you an amazing birthday - men don't do that unless they care about you, want to make an effort for you and you mean something to them. all of which and more is true of LM.

Personally, my STBXH who turned out to be a cheating, emotionally and physically abusive twunt did the whole valentine thing - long mushy cards, flowers (the same flowers that were in wedding bouquet from the same florist) blah, blah - he did it this time last year, probably just as he was starting a relationship with a women girl 20 years younger than me! Hence, I am pretty meh about it all.

Mr EA asked me what I would like on Valentines day and I said nothing and I really mean nothing - what he does and who he is, is far more meaningful to me at the moment.

I am cooking a special meal for us both, will open a bottle of bubbly he gave me at Christmas and Coffee to follow. No cards, no flowers and no presents and no pretence or lies either - feels refreshing!

lulubellaboozle · 14/02/2013 10:21

cooked you an amazing birthday MEAL is what I meant to type. chin up lovely .... you had a brilliant birthday and for someone who isn't important to him, he goes to a lot of effort for you!

Scrazy · 14/02/2013 10:28

VD is such a pain in the arse. OWW, if they don't go all mushy we think they don't like us. Singles feel left out once again. If it's a new relationship we angst over whether to send anything. Also can bring things to a head for males and females e.g I don't feel ga ga over VD so do I really like them etc? Pile of crap!

OhWesternWind · 14/02/2013 10:28

I know ...

Actually, it's the love thing. It's not been said by him since we had that conversation probably two or three weeks ago now, not on my birthday, not today, not at all. I think that's what's at the bottom of it. He was happy to say it early in the new year but it's all stopped now and I think he regrets saying it in the first place. He did say it a few times when I said it first, but apart from that, nada.

I've been looking for (and finding) other positive things and keeping myself cheerful that way, but today I just feel like it's wishful thinking and I'm kidding myself. Surely, if he felt it he'd say it.

lulubellaboozle · 14/02/2013 10:37

I am not so sure, that if he felt it, he'd say it. I think lots of men and women who have had painful experiences, marriages breakdowns etc are very cautious about the whole falling in love thing again, the capacity to get hurt and the commitment and the expectations that go with telling someone you love them.

Even if they feel it, they can't always admit it to themselves, let alone tell anyone else. I think that's often where the confusion and uncertainty comes from because the relationship feels like there is love there, but no-one is saying it out loud.

The fact that you have met his Mum and his DC's says a lot to me, the fact he phoned first thing to say happy valentine's day, the whole birthday thing and the effort he put in are all good things.

OhWesternWind · 14/02/2013 11:26

That's true, Lulu and thank you for being so kind and understanding. I know he is afraid of getting hurt again and is cautious and wants to take things slowly, as do I. What you say in your second paragraph is really true -most of the time it feels like there is love between us but it's not articulated. I just wish it could be, if it's there.

smoothieooo · 14/02/2013 11:30

Morning all.

I have bribed persuaded DS1 and DS2 to each make me a VD card for when I get home from work. I have a Thai green curry slow cooking and I might have a glass of champagne later (it's been sitting in the fridge since NY).

Just a quick update on Sunday's date: met him on Match, have been exchanging 1 or 2 emails a day for less than a week and I quite liked one of his messages how do you like things to progress with meeting/chatting etc. Don't want to be too slow otherwise you might be lured away by MrWonderProfile, or could equally email you into oblivion - cos it's nice to be asked innit! So I suggested coffee/wine. We're meeting in a nice wine bar in a lovely n. London 'village' - which he suggested as it's close-ish to me (and a fair old drive for him) and I'm driving so will not have the temptation of getting pissed and donning my rose tinted beer goggles. Smile

VelvetSpoon · 14/02/2013 11:42

Scrazy, thanks, it is tricky with the ages of our respective DC - and him living with parents. But in some ways again in terms of not rushing things (and knowing we have both in the past moved in with people in a matter of weeks of meeting them) it may not be a bad thing. I do know however that DS1 is very protective of me and our family, so I will need to tread carefully with him.

Western, as has been said don't feel bad for doing a nice thing. I also agree you have to look at what LM has done already this week, with all the bday stuff etc. Does valentines day really matter? Its difficult feeling uncertain about someone, but just think about whether that uncertainty is coming from what he is/isnt doing ie he's making you feel like this, or whether its more your own past experiences and worries coming into play and influencing you. Hopefully that makes sense!

OhWesternWind · 14/02/2013 11:50

Smoothie - well, that all sounds good. Sensible man asking about the required level of contact!

Velvet I'm another one in the slow and steady camp (which is probably a good job!). Must be difficult with teenagers especially if your ds1 is protective of you and will be sizing up Cuthbert to see if he's good enough for you. Still, there will be a way through, maybe not immediately, but it will all work out.

I think at the moment that it's a split between me being a worrywart and stuff he's actually not doing that's getting to me. It really does come down to him stopping saying that he loves me. The rest is small stuff that actually I'm okay with, but that's a biggie for me and I don't understand why he said it (a good few times) back in January but it has all gone quiet now. I can understand not saying it at all, but saying it and then stopping is odd. I think I'd convinced myself that he was "saving it up" for my birthday or valentine's and that he'd say it on one of those occasions but I don't think he's going to.

Snapespeare · 14/02/2013 11:56

what lulu says.

i think a cheese is an ideal gift. it's relatively inexpensive, thoughtful and it is cheese :)

some people think telling you that you love them once is good enough. nothing has changed. there is no need to endlessly reiterate anything and to articulate it might seem unnecessary when little day to day non-valentines things say more than words. don't be taken in by the day OWW it's corporate scratchy underwear day. It's plushy comedy devils clutching hearts and £50 roses to specify gender roles as a compensation for the hell that some people find themselves in.

Have you seen the google cartoon today? I love it. for every horse and a tiger sitting on a bench and looking at the sunset, there is an octopus unhappy at sushi bought by a bear. there is also, somewhat beautifully a single fox, sitting on her sofa with a bowl of popcorn and a DVD.

nameless just texted me...'thinking about you, glad it's friday tomorrow'

i like that. that has made me smile.

OhWesternWind · 14/02/2013 12:06

Right, I am stopping this now, I've done really well lately and I am NOT going to start all the anxiety stuff today.

If it wasn't VD I would be fine. I know it's commercialist crap but there's a little part of me that wants all the romantic slush, although I'd be absolutely horrified if he poled up with a furry bear with I Wuv Woo written on its chest. Classy romance, that's what, and it's not really a thing you find on VD, is it? Actually, LM isn't very romantic or he hasn't been so far. I'm not very romantic either but I might like to be, on occasion. I think we are both too sarcastic and cynical and northern to go in for that sort of stuff, though.

Cheese is just brilliant. We are both fans of cheese. I would be very happy with a gift of cheese on any occasion . . .

Snape - Nameless sounds almost as good as cheese.

Snapespeare · 14/02/2013 12:09

"Right, I am stopping this now, I've done really well lately and I am NOT going to start all the anxiety stuff today....I'd be absolutely horrified if he poled up with a furry bear with I Wuv Woo written on its chest"

not that it's the same thing , but I love you.

OhWesternWind · 14/02/2013 12:11

Oh Snape that is DEFINITELY better than cheese. Thank you.

mercury7 · 14/02/2013 12:12

Voice I am bemused at the aggressive responses to you not wanting children, really I dont see what the problem is...anyone would think that you had put 'torturing puppies' as a hobby.

Do some women really think that 'I dont want children' is code for evil psychopath with liquid nitrogen for blood??

I realise that it's not actually that case that you dont want children, but even so, I just dont get it.
What sane person would want kids anyway, it's all stress worry and take take take, I cant imagine what possessed me to procreate, bloody sure life my would have been alot more pleasurable if I'd stayed child free!

48howdidthathappen · 14/02/2013 12:35

Snape Had to look at google.
The hare and tortoise are me and Mr R&R. He is always late.
I will text 'on my way'. He will text something like 'oh shit. Panic'.
We now have a understanding that we will chat while he takes a bath. Never did that in 25 years with my ex. I love it Smile

JulietteMontague · 14/02/2013 12:52

Voice that is just nasty what is wrong with these women. V day probably brought out the worst as she sits stabbing playdoh effigies of her exes. Version 2, add barbed comments as you wish.

Thanks for your email, unfortunately you seem to have misunderstood. I would love to have children and enjoy being godfather/guardian/cousion to several wonderful kids but am unable to have my own. When I meet a good woman, happy in herself and who would like a relationship rather than a sperm donor I will be open to adoption/donation or whatever makes us happy.

So huge mistake on your part, good luck with your search for sperm

Voice

PS You may want to try and relax a little, your mail could be read by some men as a little needy. HTH :)

SweetSeraphim · 14/02/2013 12:55

Juliette has it spot on. What a bunch of bitches! Who are these people???

Snapespeare · 14/02/2013 13:06

:) Juliette

Voice, you have to start sending these and then blocking!

48howdidthathappen · 14/02/2013 13:30

£250 for the MOT and work. Not too bad.

smoothieooo · 14/02/2013 13:48

That's not bad at all 48

I have an MOT coming up on the first car I've been solely responsible for in 20 years and have discovered a council run place 5 mins from my house which I'm most chuffed about, having read up on places like Kwik Fit who do cheap MOTs to make a profit on parts and labour for all the things they can find wrong.

Voice if I were to message even half of the people on OD because I had taken issue with something in their profile, I would have a full time job on my hands. There is definitely something wrong with someone who takes the time and trouble to send such a bloody horrible message without considering the whys and wherefores. I love both Snape and Juliette's potential response.