New beginning. Dating thread 41

[lubeybooby]

Dating chit chat here :)

OWW - you're wise to appreciate there could be many reasons. She may indeed hold a candle for him. Doesn't mean he holds one for her. I have lots of female friends and a female best friend (whom I have discussed with Scrazy). We are incredibly close but there's nothing more. I'm an only child and she's the younger sister I always wanted and she's never got on with her brother and I'm the elder brother she always wanted. People always think we are a couple, but we're not, never have been, and as we've both been single for years, if anything was going to happen it would have happened. The only thing that I have noticed is that some women do have a problem with their partners having female friends and, often, try and put a stop to it. I wonder if this has happened to LM's friend in the past? I've known guys pretty much hardly see their female friends when they get into a serious relationship and perhaps she may worry that's going to happen - not because she fancies him but realises things may change.

Western leave it, no need to message her again. It is odd but could be for any reason including her being vulnerable after her split, seeing LM as a rescuer and her lifeline which has created fantasies in her head. She could simply be embarrassed that her good friend has not told her, but whatever it is don't message her as it gives her more importance than it probably deserves and I don't like the way she commented.

Just ask LM, you and he are the team and it is him who has the answer. I don't think it is anything sinister but just ask or it will really bother you.

If they don't see each other much then maybe it's just about her life rather than his. You could ask him how come she didn't know. Sounds OK to me.

That was quite therapeutic for me to type my post, I just picked a real wrong un . I'm getting over it all slowly.

Anyone else got snow? I'm having a rest day off work but the roads are bad so for the best in case I had to drive in snow.

Bant, horrible day to sign, does it have to be done tomorrow. I will be glad when singles awareness day is over.

Same here on POF, just rubbish and I'm thinking about hanging up my dating boots and trying to get out a bit more instead.

Yes Voice, you did explain to me about your female friends. I think it's hard not to get jealous when you are seeing someone who has close friendships. It can feel like they are having emotional closeness with a female other than you which can blow things out of proportion in the head. We like to think we are no.1 when we put someone first.

If I ever get into another relationship (please god). I wouldn't mind someone having other females in their lives if I was to meet them and knew there wasn't any emotional entanglement or sexual, of course.

Scazy I remember your posts before about this man, your experience with him was horrible, he was a creep who used the friends card to get away with it. Those women were not 'friends', he misused the word. Most men who have female friends are decent, some have friends who have been fwb on occasion, some are friends with exes. Yours abused the concept to cover up his activities, he was the problem not true female friends.

We have snow, just

I think she has become quite dependent on LM for support since she split up with her ex which was only last month and also whilst she was coming to the decision to leave. I have a lot of sympathy for her as there are a few parallels with the situation with my ex, and I have even encouraged LM to go down and see her and make sure she's alright as he's been getting a bit fed up of it all. She is quite demanding, will text twenty or thirty times in a day and so on, much much more than I ever do.

At an appropriate time I think I will say to LM that I'd like to meet her when she comes to visit him and see what happens then.

I'm not sure whether to mention it to LM or not. The reason for this is, I'd be happy for him to know we were chatting generally about exes, family, work, whatever, but if it were the other way round and he was chatting to one of my friends about me on FB, I would feel a bit odd. But it was his friend that started talking about him, I didn't bring him into the conversation for that reason.

Oh dear, I feel like I've got myself into a bit of a mess now. After I gave her the information she was asking for about estate agents, I only offered to chat/message because she said she often feels lonely living by herself, so I told her to feel free to message me if she's at a loose end as I'm often in the same position myself.

Juliette, yes I hope I don't meet another him. He did protest that he wasn't 'seeing them' whatever that meant.

OWW she sounds needy.

I hate text speak generally, but can I just have a little OMG please?

OMG!

Last night, just before hitting the hay, I had another look on OKC. And there, 22 miles away, was possibly the most astonishingly attractive woman I have ever seen online. I thought "that must be a fake profile". But I clicked on and it read incredibly genuine and there were umpteen photos of this woman in various situations. We were, according to OKC, an 88% match, 86% friend and 10% enemy. I don't hold with those, but never had anything that high before.

And she has a really nice, open and honest profile and we appear to want and like an awful lot of the same things. A spelling mistake or two I will overlook. Personality wise and interests, ticks the whole list.

She is a 'replies very selectively' person (and why wouldn't she be, she's going to get a lot of messages) and states in her profile she is looking for long term, isn't looking for Brad Pitt, as laughter and mutual respect and interests are what she is looking for, however "I am getting a lot of messages, so please don't think me rude if I don't reply - it's because I don't think there is likely potential and I don't want to lead anyone on"

She is WAY out of my league, looks wise. Do I bother messaging, I asked myself?

Hi all not been able to catch will all your comings and goings on this thread and I know I'm not a regular regular here but do you mind if I just unload a bit, well probably quite a lot. Life is so shit at the moment:(

STBX - not soon enough - is jobless from the end of the month and another round of redundancies was announced yesterday at my place. I have already survived three purges, with reduced hours.

Just as I was digesting the news DD1 texted me to find directions from where she was staying overnight to her university interview site. Googled found out what she needed to know but for some unknown reason did it backwards, so right bus wrong direction. Just phoned in floods of tears miles away from where she needed to be, missed interview. And it's all my fault

I've been working six days a week and will be for the next few weeks, STBX still in house, remote control man is no help, in fact is poor ably draining the little I've got left.

Not sure where to turn, what to do. Just want to curl up somewhere warm and hibernate for years.

Western you weren't talking about LM behind his back. She initiated it, she first mentioned him as 'a Godsend', she asked how long you'd known him, she asked if you were more than friends. What were you supposed to say without being frosty. You have nothing to hide, it would only be a mess if it all becomes a secret between you and her which is another reason why it might be better to mention it to LM. Either way, I'm vair impressed with your cool over this.

Western I wouldn't worry - from what you have said, LM is completely open about his relationship with you. She does sound quite demanding - 20 or 30 texts a day?? - I would presume that he has been supportive and offered practical help and an ear to listen to her. But she doesn't sound like his confidant in any way shape or form. Maybe she is worried, that him being in a relationship may change things for her, as suggested ^^ or a bit miffed that he didn't think to tell her. I wouldn't message her, it just makes it into something when it most likely to be nothing.

if it was me, I would mention it in passing to LM, I would say I was offering her estate agents advice and she asked how long you had known him and seemed surprised you were in a relationship and just see what he says.

But honestly, don't worry - it sounds something and nothing and if it is something it is her, something, not yours and not LM's.

Secret poor DD, poor you, nothing worse than when your DC are struggling and you feel responsible. Shit happens, this is recoverable as I'm sure they have students getting mixed up all the time. Could you call the admin office for her course, ask to speak to whoever is organising the interviews as explain. Meanwhile set DD on the right path to the site and tell her to go there and wait whilst something gets sorted?

Meanwhile have a and my hand is here.

Voice yes! message her. You will win her over with your prose and wit as well, I'm sure, as your dazzling good looks.

Do it do it do it

Secret - that's rotten but please don't feel it is all your fault. These things happen and your DD could have checked the details for herself rather than leaving it up to mum. Universities must be used to students missing interviews due to late and cancelled trains etc

Voice, she might not be looking for Brad Pitt but I would bet she only replies to the lookers, now I don't know what you look like but it won't harm to send a message.

SS, sorry you are having a bad time. Can I ask where your DD was going for an interview, and can she re-arrange?

Oh and Voice OMG

secret poor you, that sounds like a nightmare, you have so much on your plate, no wonder you got the directions muddled up for DD1. Can she call the Uni and explain and reschedule? I know she is in tears, that's a natural reaction when you are so hyped up about something but I am sure the Uni must get stuff like that happen all the time and will be understanding.

With things like that you just want to be there to hug them don't you? how ever old they get

With regard to STBX and his job and still being in the house, well! you are a better woman than me, the thought of it is horrendous.

I don't really know what to suggest but try and get some down time and rest and be kind to yourself and take each day as it comes. We are all here for you to offload to and listen to. Not sure who remote control man is, I can't always keep up with everything on the thread but if he isn't helping the situation or being supportive then is it time to think again?

sounds like you need a hug too - so here's a MN one for now

Voice nothing ventured nothing gained!
Some people are just photogenic and good at taking/getting flattering shots of themselves,and I wouldnt conclude that someone was 'out of my league' without actually meeting them.
Even then attraction between people can often be a bit mysterious, we all see different things in people.

Oh no Secret that sort of thing has happened to me with my kids, I try to help them with something and somehow there is some miscommunication and it all goes wrong.
I think they sort of take my word as gospel, thinking parents to be godlike and being unaware f the details of my various fuckups and wrong turns.

I try where ever possible to step away and let them figure things out for themselves, infact I am working on presenting myself as a clueless old fuddy duddy who is totally out of touch with modern life

Yes, what Juliette said, tell DD to get back on the right bus and turn up and the uni. You ring the admissions office and tell them she had an unforseen delay. They are usually OK with parents ringing when they are starting out.

Secret and you are not responsible, it's just that she's your baby so I recognize you feel it.

Voice WHOOOOO!!! Of course you should message her. Don't worry about the looks thing as it sounds like she's the kind of person who goes beyond the superficial. Good luck! And how exciting.

SS So sorry yet another person is going through a load of shit. There seems to be so much of it about at the moment. The situation with your dd's university interview should be salvageable if she calls and explains, but I think it's just one thing on top of another at the moment. The situation with yoru ex must be particularly difficult and then the work stuff on top of that. Has he got plans to move out? At least if you have a date you can hang on for that rather than it continuing indefinitely. Please come and vent on here whenever - plenty of support and hugs on offer and often some really useful advice.

Juliette and Lulu - yes, you're right. I think I will mention it next time I see him. Nice casual opening there, Lulu, think I will say something along those lines. I am actually doing pretty well with not worrying about this for once so I'm quite pleased with myself.

Just had an email to say my Valentine's cheese (!!!) for LM has been shipped . . .

I confess I held DD's hand throughout the uni process. She was from a very small town. Went with her to the far sides of the country to interviews which required overnight stays and time off etc. I couldn't imagine her doing it on her own at the time. Packed her off travelling over the summer to get her independence and now she manages well being away from home and obviously travels up and down the country alone all the time. What a difference a year makes .

SS I'm sure it will be OK as long as she doesn't give up on this day and gets there at some point.

Voice...go for it lovely! That makes me laugh about receiving lots of messages though! (A tad big headed ..no??) I AM going to the gym today

Western ...I agree with Juliette I reckon she has built up fantasies in her head re a rescuer (see last night's pwincess syndrome).

As far as female friends are concerned once I understood the lay of the land it wouldnt bother me in the slightest....could make going out in a group more fun!

She's just messaged me and says:

"Oh right ok. No he's not said a word lol but he's a very private person so I guess it's his business"

And that's it. Do I detect something of a miffed tone to that message despite the unconvincing lol-ing in the middle?

He's not very private with me . . .

Well I think I might reply with something about snow or whatever, had enough of this line of discussion.

Agree about some people being photogenic. I look good in photo's not so good in the flesh, although some blind dates say it's vice versa, some might get a shock and expect me to look better in RL . I've met men who I thought look good on the photo then don't fancy them at all and been really attracted to others who I thought just looked OK.