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Original poster

New beginning. Dating thread 41

999 replies

lubeybooby · 11/02/2013 23:22

Dating chit chat here :)

OP posts:
ike1 · 12/02/2013 23:18

Oh that's interesting Miranada its apparently quite rare. Is it due to any B12 deficiency? Do circulatory problems run in the family?

ike1 · 12/02/2013 23:20

Bant the afternoon of VDay sucks a bit for you what a rubbish day to have sign divorce papers...

Bant · 12/02/2013 23:30

yeah ike - got given them on Christmas day, then there were various lawyer shenanigans and Thursday I sign them.

Damn divorce lawyer doesn't even give a discounted rate on Valentines day..

MirandaWest · 12/02/2013 23:33

ike I've had blood taken out of me and tested for all number of things but I am apparently fine just rubbish circulation. If you smoke then stopping is a good idea but I never have. Started a few years ago and have had horrid infected chilblains but not had them for a couple of years. Don't think anyone else in my family has it. I find my ring fingers are especially affected Hmm

VoiceofUnreason · 12/02/2013 23:33

Jeez, Bant, that's a bastard. No doubt the decrees will come in on your wedding anniversary and birthday too, just for fullest possible effect.

JulietteMontague · 12/02/2013 23:34

Bant your visit to the Misery Motel is tomorrow. No need to worry about signing anything on Thursday.

Meanwhile you might find this of use

VoiceofUnreason · 12/02/2013 23:39

Grin at Juliette

MirandaWest · 12/02/2013 23:41

On Thursday XH and I are doing divorce discussing. He's got all his pension valuations back now (has had several jobs) and turns out he has about 3 times my amount. So looks like some sharing needs to happen. We are amicable enough and would like to sort out how we want to do things ourselves but think he'd prefer to not use any solicitor as he "has no money" and also doesn't want to have to pay money to get the pensions officially split and would rather have it left until he retires and I get whatever percentage. Am not sure what to do really - dont want to sell myself short but don't want to battle.

We've been separated nearly two years so seems right time for divorcing (plus I think he wants to marry his GF although as they live about 200 miles or so apart could be a bit tricky). Would love to wave a wand and it just be done tbh. There's not really much money involved and no house (we made a mess of money things although at least that is sorted now).

Ho hum

ike1 · 12/02/2013 23:43

Miranda I am hoping it might be that for my mate...although it doesnt sound like a bundle of laughs, thanks for sharing.

Just having a flick through profiles...are there any women around on this thread that find the idea of being 'treated like a princess' appealing?

ike1 · 12/02/2013 23:45

Miranda I would get some legal advice definitely. Pop into your local CAB first and see if they agree with me.

ike1 · 12/02/2013 23:46

It pops up so often on blokes' profiles I get the feeling that I should be sold on this 'princess' thing..

VoiceofUnreason · 12/02/2013 23:46

ike - based on how often I've seen that phrase on a woman's profile (ie, they want a guy who will treat them like a princess) I suspect a lot of guys put that on their profiles in the hope of improving chances.

I wonder what sort of response a guy would get if he included on his profile "looking for someone who'll treat me like a King and wait on me hand and foot"?

VoiceofUnreason · 12/02/2013 23:48

Miranda I would also seek advice from the CAB and use a solicitor if need be. If it's fairly simple, it shouldn't cost much to get the nessary legal work done and would be a sensible move and use of funds for peace of mind anbd guarantee, I fancy.

ike1 · 12/02/2013 23:52

Well exactly Voice...I wanna be tretted like a pwincess! Hm no ...I cant actually imagine it. Apparently this is what K. Price's 3rd hubby did and she married him within 3 weeks.

JulietteMontague · 12/02/2013 23:57

No princess fantasies here Ike.

Voice everytime I see 'you will x, like y and do z' I think exactly that, possibly with a weekly bj on a Sunday morning Hmm

Miranda do get legal advice. It is a must to protect you and enable you to move on without bitterness. He doesn't need to know, it doesn't have to inovolve letters to him, but you must have the information to make an informed decision.

Snape yay for the sex chat and having some Grin

ike1 · 12/02/2013 23:57

I reckon it'll be a free for all on POF on Thurs night ....might have to get on there to have a laugh.

IfYoureHappyAndYouKnowIt · 13/02/2013 07:17

Hi Miranda. Am lurking and noticed your divorce comment. IIRC pensions are not usually spit 50 50 as girls live longer and therefore get a bigger percentage. This is worth checking and perhaps could be validated through the mn legal board.

MirandaWest · 13/02/2013 07:35

I went to sleep after my divorce musings :)

I have been to see a solicitor for a free 30 minutes and she felt I'd be looking at a 50:50 split which tbh I'm mostly happy with. Part of me feels that XH and I jointly decided I'd work less and look after the children more when they were little and then stop that particular type of work completely when childcare went wrong and that I could possibly be "entitled" (hate that word but still) to a slightly bigger split, especially as I earned more than him but seems a little gold digging to me.

Am a bit distrustful of CAB after a bad experience connected with joint debts in the past but that was elsewhere I suppose. Am hoping when I'm old Mr Nice and I will live in a cottage by the sea and be old and happy :) We have spoken of such things before :)

Movingforward123 · 13/02/2013 07:50

western that sounds odd thy she went so quiet! Maybe she secretly thought she would get together with LM at some point? Maybe you should message her again. Or ask LM what he thinks that's about?

OhWesternWind · 13/02/2013 08:54

Moving - yes, I think it's odd that it all went suddenly quiet, and also odd that he'd not told her about me. I just assumed she knew who I was when I was chatting to her ie I'm LM's gf. She's literally just come out of a nine year relationship so is getting back on her feet after that, she's had a lot of problems in the last year or so and LM has been helping her like any good friend would. He told me early on that he sees a lot of her but she's like his sister and I'm not worried about that.

Conversation last night went like this (edited to remove all the bits about children, baths, courts, pancakes etc etc - there was a lot of other stuff, general chat, as well as the LM stuff)

Her: Honestly have no idea how I could have got through all this without LM. He's a godsend. How is it that you know him?
Me: I actually met him online and I've been seeing him since September so a few months now. But don't say I told you it was online if he's not said (then to my shame I did a lol but I'm not really admitting that on here)
Her: Haha met online? Yes that brings back memories. . . When you say "seeing each other" are you more than friends?
Me: Yes we are but maybe I shouldn't really say anything if he's keeping it quiet. I wonder why he's not said?

And that was it . . .

If I message her back again, what do you think I should say?

Or should I just leave it all well alone?

I must admit I'm a bit meh that he's not told her about me. I just assumed he had! All his family know about me so it's a bit strange.

OhWesternWind · 13/02/2013 09:00

Oh sorry, I was going to post about other people but pressed the button too soon.

Bant what shitty timing. Valentine's schmalentines.

Miranda - I'd second/third/fourth what everyone else has said about getting more advice about the detail of the situation. People suddenly become a lot less civilised and pleasant when it comes to sorting out the financial side of things and it will be worth getting a clear idea of your position even if you want to carry on sorting things out informally. Don't worry about feeling "gold digging" - you're not, it's just getting a fair settlement. I am sure that your ex will have no such qualms. Good luck.

Scrazy · 13/02/2013 09:50

OWW, hope I'm not projecting here as my last one had a few 'female mates'. He told me he had known them all years but he had known me years too. In between knowing each other for 15 years we didn't, then bumped into each other and started sleeping together. I bet he was telling them I was just a friend he had known for years. Names kept coming up and little snippets of info. One had recently moved nearer and he was 'helping' her with all that. I never had the opportunity to ask but came to the conclusion that it was no way platonic through various things, he wasn't very clever at covering up and when I challenged him on it, it was obvious I wasn't important to him after all.

I would ask her if you have said something wrong. But I suspect you have already put the cat amongst the pigeons. When he says he's known her all these years, was she like a sister to him when he was married and her in a relationship or is this a recent rekindled thing. Of course, it could be innocent and he may be being upfront with you. But it's strange she didn't know you were his girlfriend.

Hope I've not upset you, different man, different situation.

OhWesternWind · 13/02/2013 10:08

Well, I know all about her in lots of detail! Which is fine, I tell him about my friends, family etc and he tells me about his. LM was very close friends with her late father and kind of inherited looking after her when her father died as she has no other family. She's a lot younger than he is, not at all his type physically and as far as I know she's always been an important part of his life, certainly whilst she was in her LTR. I get the impression that this was the same when he was with his ex but obviously I don't know for sure.

She doesn't live locally to us, she's probably two or three hours drive away, but he has been down a couple of times recently to help her move house. But generally they don't see that much of each other, just a few times a year. I think it's mainly text/phone calls.

It is just really weird that she didn't know about me, and that when I told her it all went quiet. Weird and a bit disturbing. I might message her later on if she comes online and doesn't message me today . . . just don't know, really.

Scrazy · 13/02/2013 10:12

OWW that sounds plausible so maybe it's all just as he says it is and she went offline for some other reason.

OhWesternWind · 13/02/2013 10:20

Nah, she read the message and has been back online since this morning. Oh well.

I think possibly LM didn't say anything to her as he's very much the "elder brother" figure here but obviously I don't know if they talk about his emotional life/relationships at all, although I know they talk about hers.

Or maybe he knows she has a bit of a thing for him and didn't want to say.

Or maybe it's something else altogether. I just find it so odd that I've met his mum and children, we go out and about together locally so there's no suggestion of keeping things hidden in general, but it's all a secret from his friend. I honestly assumed that she knew who I was but it looks like I might have inadvertently put my foot right in the middle of something.