Welcome to The Dating Thread. Number 40.

[JulietteMontague]

The next chapter...

no.
who else has messages telling them they are needy and vunerable and off. noone.

so why the hell am i getting them. I am none of these things.

I dont pick western apart, she posted once and i said she needed to think about what she wanted and her needs and how they were being met. that is no unsupportive, That is not name calling. that is not being horrible. It didnt go down so well, but heck, i cant help that.

People arent scared to say how they feel if they are laying in to me calling me names, are they. Yet again, i didnt start this, i was called names, and ive defended myself.

nc - its not any different to what midday did to me though, was it.
but that was ok?

no, its not. its not ok.

and im sorry western, its not nice. its actually fucking horrible.

Yes, that message to OWW was spiteful and vindictive despite its pretence at being polite and reasonable.

Interesting to see which of us on the thread has had a message deleted.

Middy's post read to me as judgmental and slightly snooty/superior..that doesnt mean to say it was intended like that.

I think Watch is quite open and exhuberant about her experiences, so that gives us all alot of material to pick up on.

In contrast I'm quite guarded and dont really reveal too much (at least thats how it seems to me)
can we agree to disagree, there's so much potential for misunderstanding on forums that it's a miracle any threads continue for as long as this epic:o

Hi all,

We've noticed that things have got a bit heated on this thread. We'd like to remind you of our talk guidelines, and that if a poster is upsetting you, the best thing to do is to not engage and report them to us.

yes, but when bants posts were deleted, that wasnt indicitive of anything was it?

posts said with respect, do not name call.
thats a fact.

and my date has just texted to say he wants to postpone because of problems at work, I have no idea if it's a real problem or an excuse.
I am mildly relieved.
I replied no problem just let me know what other days are good for him.
I'll leave the ball in his court!

Beautifully put OWW ... have a for your calm post.

i did not start this.

i was attacked, for no reason, and so defended myself.

There was lots of chit chat, all going fine, until, from out of the blue i get attacked and told i am needy, vunerable and off and people are highly concerned. For no reason.

I did not start a row, i will go out of my way to avoid a row, but if im being attacked and called sometihng that i am not, i reserve the right to defend myself. as does anyone else.

My post was awful i agree, it was no worse that those that have come to me. two wrongs do not make a right.

I am polite to people as long as they are to me.

I think Middy did harp on a bit (sorry to talk about you in the 3rd person if you're around Middy). I thought she/he was coming from a place of supportiveness and trying to be helpful. That is how I read them. Of course I could be wrong, and clearly Mercury read them differently.

But I do think some self awareness wouldn't go amiss. I've been thinking about my own Victorian attitudes recently and trying to work out why I'm a bit all the time (my childhood natch) and trying to work on that, and I think Watch you could look at why some people are reacting to your posts in this way (on this thread, nothing to do with RL).

Can you honestly put your hand on your heart and say you weren't baiting Bant? Or that you didn't make quite a few snide PA comments to OWW?

I just think that this thread is so cool it would be a real shame if it imploded and maybe just brushing it all under carpet isn't helping?

And I may be wrong but I think only one person said you were 'needy'? I don't remember anyone else saying it?

Can we just calm the fuck down people. There is absolutely no call for some of the crap that's being posted. This is supposed to be a support thread, not an attack thread.

joyless, who gives anyone the right to show ' genuine' concern, where its not warranted, and then to continue with that, calling worse names, each time i defend myself?

its a bloody dating thread. its not amature phycs r' us.

it's starting to feel like a brawl in a bar, smashed tables and chairs everywhere...

the whole thing is too confusing & messy to be properly resolved, lots of different personality types there's bound to be friction...and I've been rude/snide/sarcastic/passive-agressive plenty of times on here

yes you have, and people have to me too.

noone here is whiter than white

and again, i didnt bloody start this today, for fucks sake.
i will not be told by a bunch of women who have their own problems, that i am what i am because THEY SAY SO.

im bloody fine, thank you very much. Its a dating chat thread, fgs.

more importantly can anyone help me to figure out the significance of the number of 'x'
bloke who just cancelled used to always put them in groups of 3, as in 'xxx' his cancellation text only had one 'x'
I always put two..unless the other person only puts one
what is the protocol here??

watch I've no idea who gives anyone the right to show 'genuine concern' where its not warranted. Easiest way to find out is to ask yourself why you do it to others. By asking that question of yourself, you may gain an insight into why others do it to you.

Oh & you don't need to be a professional to see some of what's going on around here.

nc -
the just because you clutch your pearls doesn't mean i have to, weare all different, some can handle the handstand style sex, some can't, that doesn't mean because we are different to each other , i need help, or am needy, or any of those other things you was called . i am DIFFERENT, and proud to be different, i don't need putting straight or analysing, because i am happy with me just the way i am, just because what you read makes your fanjos clench tight shut does not mean there is anything wrong with me. It's differences.
and its about respecting that.

If people dont respect my choice to live how i want, subject to my own morals, then im not going to show them the same respect.

Its a two way street.

mercury I generally mirror, although anymore than three is excessive in my book, so that is where I draw the line. If I was saying something I felt needed "softening", I might add extra xxx to indicate my affection and regard.

Mercury - not looking good 1 'x' is the death knell you know it

I asked bloody DH why he'd done stuff on an OD date when he knew he didn't want to see her again. He said - I was a bit drunk, she was offering, seemed like a good idea at the time, did like her but next day when thought about the distance I thought 'nah too far' Think I should dump him?!

xx's mean nothing. i wouldnt read anyting into them at all.
be calm, if he wants to rearrange, he will. if not, then its his loss.