Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Welcome to The Dating Thread. Number 40.

999 replies

JulietteMontague · 08/02/2013 17:39

The next chapter...

OP posts:
watchoutforthatsnail · 11/02/2013 13:12

i dont really understand why people are ' showing concern' and feel its ok to call me ' needy', ' vunerable' and 'off'
because i have a differing opion to them.

its not on, and yes, it IS nasty.

MsCellophane · 11/02/2013 13:15

The whole point of this thread was to support each other through the perils and pitfalls of dating. Others have said and done things that many would raise an eyebrow to but have still been supported

Picking someone apart is entirely different. Picking someone apart for pulling people up on sexist language is out of order. Picking someone apart for sharing sexual encounters is out of order. Picking someone apart for getting excited about a situation but being let down is out of order.

We may not all act the same in life but just because someone is a bit gobby (sorry watch) doesn't mean we don't afford them the same respect as the quieter people

watchoutforthatsnail · 11/02/2013 13:20

no worries. i might be loud, i wouldnt chose to be any other way
:)

and thank you.

mercury7 · 11/02/2013 13:20

FWIW I think MrsC is spot on!

My date hasnt cancelled (yet)
i guess no news is good news

NicholasTeakozy · 11/02/2013 13:23

I don't think you're needy, vulnerable or off Watch, I think you're honest, witty, clever with a clear view of what you want. In my book that's A Good Thing. I think at times your twat radar may need resetting, but that's understandable when getting mixed messages. Which is why you should judge by actions not words.

As for women who have FWBs, my best mate is a former FWB, she definitely isn't clingy and needy, she's a fiercely independent single mother, just like most of the women on this thread.

VoiceofUnreason · 11/02/2013 13:24

Actually, I think it is mostly a misunderstanding of communication.

I can't speak for everyone, but looking at the majority of postings, it has not been for one moment about Watch's opinion. It started from people being concerned about how upset she was over her recent experience and the language she used suggested she was more emotionally involved than she said she was for something that was just a fling.

The vast majority have NOT used the expression of needy, nor have they criticized her for her "sexual attitudes and behaviour " (to use MsC's expression) or her opinion or beliefs on this.

I certainly have made no mention of these things and have not judged her one way or the other for this.

NicholasTeakozy · 11/02/2013 13:25

And exactly what MsC wrote in her post at 13.15. Spot on.

watchoutforthatsnail · 11/02/2013 13:29

cheers nick, yeah,i would agree, by error this time was not listening to his words, but going by his actions. I normally go by actions speaking louder than words, its usually more reliable.

But heck, im not infaliable and we all make mistakes.

Im ok today, i was disapointed yesterday, but i wasnt sobbing into my dressing gown or anything so ridiclous.

voice, how on earth would i be emotionally involved having met someone twice, in two days, which is the point after which he said notihng heavy. I was NOT emotionally involved, and you are projecting if you think that.

MsCellophane · 11/02/2013 13:29

And to move us along, how's this for needy...

MrCM hasn't been in contact since his kids arrived last thursdaybut is still on POF/Evow/badoo all poxy day.

Yes, I am needy where he is concerned. I fancy him and want to lick him, we have loads in common, I believe he fancies me - but am pretty sure he has sweet trolley infatuation

Wetwhale is needed - really pissed of with seeing his pic and name on the sites I am on and popping up on first page due to living a mile away from me

LennyKravitz is at work so can't even distract myself

Middy86 · 11/02/2013 13:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

watchoutforthatsnail · 11/02/2013 13:45

lust has a lot to answer for, doesnt it.

Dangering myself of being labelled, goat has been on pof ALL DAY. on his day off, so, same here. hes new to dating, sweet shop mentality.

galling as it is, there is not much you can do about it.

watchoutforthatsnail · 11/02/2013 13:48

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

NcNcNcNc · 11/02/2013 13:54

It's interesting how different people are... my friend would have licked the guys face, I wouldn't. And if he'd done it to me I'd probably have slapped him.

Watch - how did you know he was into the lick? (this is nothing to do with what happened subsequently, I'm genuinely interested). And maybe jealous that noone has ever given me 'lick' signals Grin

I met a man in a nightclub and at the end of the evening he went to kiss me on the lips, I turned my head. This was nothing to do with not fancying him, I fancied him loads, but I just didn't want to do something intimate with someone I didn't know. I ended up marrying him (not that night you understand Grin ) so the spark was there.

My DH hugged me on our first date but we didn't touch other than that till we kissed on the 3rd date. Been together 6 years so definitely a spark there and again I really fancied him and wanted to kiss him but waited for him and he was quite shy so ended up taking a while - Although, and maybe he is a sexist pig, I know he'd done things on first dates before (everything but full sex I think) with people he had no intention of seeing again. Maybe he has a madonna/whore complex?

Just really interested in how people do it differently.

Middy86 · 11/02/2013 13:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

VoiceofUnreason · 11/02/2013 13:55

Oh for crying out loud Watch, I BLOODY DIDN'T.

I was trying to point out what the OTHERS FELT YOUR language was saying. They felt you were coming across as more emotionally involved than you said you were. Which is why they said what they did, rightly or wrongly. The latter, as it turns out.

Defending yourself is admirable. But you do tend to lash out and see things that are not intended. You can disagree without being so vociferous and targeting ire at people (as Middy has taken it).

mercury7 · 11/02/2013 13:57

MsC 'really pissed of with seeing his pic and name on the sites I am on'
same here, I get a terrible pang when I see that 'x' (who is working away) is logged in to a certain site.
Even though I'm logged in alot more than he is, I'm just bantering with random people because I'm bored.

I'm sure the sites must know that this causes disharmony and stimulates more dating activity

mercury7 · 11/02/2013 13:59

Nc I just play it by ear and do what seems right at the time, sometimes there's a hug,or a kiss, or a full on snog, sometimes I've shagged somone within half an hour of meeting them

watchoutforthatsnail · 11/02/2013 14:03

ncncnc. i didnt know he would like it.
i just did it.

im a somewhat of an ' live in the momment' type person ( who would have guessed) and i dont really care too much what people think. If im happy, i keep doing it, if im not, i stop.

The spark was massive. I didnt make it up. There had been footsie ( and a bit of kicking) some arm wrestling, fingers up noses, hands compared and measured and he had stroked the back of my neck.

He gave me his neck to smell. and i just grabbed his face and licked the full lenght of it.

Grin

i would do the same again.

i did target middy, she targeted me. its warranted.

OhWesternWind · 11/02/2013 14:10

Middy didn't say anything out of turn and didn't deserve the abuse she got in return. She was polite and reasonable and rude and attacking response wasn't warranted.

Anyway, I'm getting quite excited about tonight and seeing LM which is silly as we've been doing this for quite a long time now, but it's nice. It's when you don't get excited about seeing each other I suppose that it's a worry. Mad rush round after work tonight to get children's tea, open presents, eat cake and try to make myself look presentable. If I end up looking 41 rather than 42 I'll be happy Smile.

I'm going to try and go with the flow a bit more and stress less - that's my new year's resolution for being 42. But I've booked in another appointment with my counsellor, just in case, although it's not for another fortnight. I'm determined to knock the anxiety on the head, I really am, and enjoy what I have instead of always wanting more and finding reasons not to be happy with it. Life is good, LM is good, my family is good. Birthdays rock.

watchoutforthatsnail · 11/02/2013 14:10

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

watchoutforthatsnail · 11/02/2013 14:12

i think it was out of turn. other people think its out of turn.

VoiceofUnreason · 11/02/2013 14:22

OWW - you go get excited, you deserve it! And have a fantastic birthday.

watchoutforthatsnail · 11/02/2013 14:22

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

FlorentinePogen · 11/02/2013 14:23

..... other people think its out of turn......

Ah, so now we know why Pope Benedict has resigned...

NcNcNcNc · 11/02/2013 14:25

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.