Welcome to The Dating Thread. Number 40.

[JulietteMontague]

The next chapter...

thanks for the goodluck wishes:)
it is just about snowing here so there's a possibility my coffee will be postponed since he's got afaik about an hours drive to get to me.

I'll be grateful of a reprieve, I hate the anticipation of the moment you first see each other, I've had the sinking feeling so often

Another interesting comment from the dinner party I was at on Saturday night. Mix of men and women in their 30s and one lady in her 40s. Every single one, whether currently coupled or single, said that there was too much store set on 'the spark'. All said that there was no spark when they first met their current or most recent long-term partner and that it developed as they got to know them. Had they insisted on the spark from day one - which most OD people seem to expect - they'd never have had a second or third date and missed out on something good.

Again, we are all different, but I think some people do tend to think if it's not there immediately, it will never happen. Just like people with tick boxes - if they don't tick every box, they won't even meet them.

all sense went out the window, as mercury said
yes when in lust I feel as if I am mildly hallucinating, I see the object of my desires through a pink haze and surrounded by a golden glow.
I think he is the most attractive man I've ever seen and I just want to gaze at his face.
I am aware that he isnt 'objectively' as attractive as he appears to me but I am unable to see him objectively and invariably feel that he is way out of my league

makes a complete monkey out of me

Voice I suppose it depends what you mean by 'spark'?
I think I mean that I have to feel enough physical attraction to want to make a physical connection

Happy Birthday OWW fellow Aqua...

Isn't a spark just an attraction and excitement??

If I go on a date then the spark for me is if I want to touch them

hotbut is beautiful and I want to touch him but we are very different people so although there is a sexual spark, there is no intellectual one

MrCM - I want to touch him, speak to him and listen to him and we have loads in common - but it isn't mutual (he says it is but his actions say otherwise)

Sometimes the spark is there in pictures and text but when you meet, there is something missing

I don't think we should stop looking for the spark, no one needs to settle

Which is why most of us are single on here

voice, again, if you read, there has been plentyof times i would have seen people to see what happens... or to give stuff a chance. In fact thats it for most cases... i am realistic about this stuff. they just dont want to see me again for whatever reason.

But, when there is a spark, 4 in my whole life, i am going to act on it.

With ywk, to explain further, he was all i had. we were very close. he helped me through my divorce, my exdh being abusive following that, when he was banging on my front door, through job problems, house issues. health issues and several operations. Several deaths in the family. A whole lot of stuff. He was always there, day or night, and i trusted him. A series of events and it all turned sour. I cant remember when that was, not last summer but the one before maybe? ive hardly spoken to him since then. however, because of what he did for me, i do feel that i should be there for him when he needs it.
However, since hes lost the frickin plot, im not doing that anymore.

Happy Birthday OWW

mrs c, yes thats what i mean. i dont know why its being touted as a bad thing??

oh, and mercury. yes, thats all i mean by spark. When you are physically attracted, excited and mentally attracted.

i cant really understand why its a bad thing to want that really.
Or why its toxic.

and mercury -yep, that sinking feeling, because you instantally know, its rubbish, isnt it.

Course, it could just be that you are stupid wantiing a spark?

it sounds Watch as if he was just a player, some people (men and women) are just good at manipulating, I dont think it's even a calculated act..more of an animal cunning.

You can dust yourself off and put it behind you but he wont be able to rely on those 'skills' when his looks and charm have faded...

Happy birthday OWW!

I think it depends what you mean by spark. Proper thunder and lightning firework stuff, happens rarely.

For me, the spark tends to be that I need to talk to them (first time I met my ex, I wasn't looking for a man, he wasn't my type, but as soon as I saw him I thought I've got to speak to you. Can't tell you why I thought that but I did.

The first time I met Cuthbert I remember the minute I saw him thinking I would be sooo disappointed if I didn't get to kiss him at the end of the evening.

Both sparks, both different. But without that I'd have no interest in seeing them again. I get if you work with someone, know them as a friend, spark can develop over time, but on a date? We're meant to be on our best, most charming behaviour. If I can't feel a spark with someone then I don't think I ever will. And I'm not willing to settle for anything less.

Mercury, what time is yours? I will be thinking about you, and thanks to everyone for wishing me luck. Mine is late afternoon as I'm off today but have something to do soon.

I need a wet fish today as I've been thinking about the ex and really wishing I wasn't in the position to have to go out on blind dates which as we all know are usually duds. Me too Mercury, in the first few minutes its yes, no or maybe. I don't want a no today, I could live with maybe.

The ex and me did build up such a connection over a period of time, I was really comfortable with him in and out of bed and we had such fun together, why or why was he the way he was and will I ever find that again with anyone ever.

go on then. the difference between a healthy and unhealthy spark is?

Im sure you are just over complicating things. i fancied the pants off the man, he blurred the boundaries, i went with the flow. he changed the boundaires, i reacted and ended it. I dont and cant really see what the issue is, and why im being told i have issues.

I just fancied him, hes a good looking man and fun and i enjoyed his company. I just cant see what is wrong with that?

Middy I dont think I know the difference, 'spark' can be big or small, but I didnt know it also comes in a variety of 'flavours'

I mean I can visualize it as a dial, so you can have it turned on and then put the volume all the way up to 10 for a full blast deafening spark...but you're saying there are other dials on the spark switchboard?

(yes I am being a little facetious :o )

Scrazy late afternoon for me too!
I will tidy my place and shave my armpits before I go just incase I find him massively alluring and want to bring him back for COFFEE

It's unlikely as immediate COFFEE takes alot of gumption and I dont seem to have it any more

because it is a bit bollocks, isnt it.

i fancied him. it wasnt rose tinted glasses, it was great big, elton john ones, with flashing lights spelling out ' lust' across the top.

i licked his face in a shop. thats how much i faniced him, i couldnt even help it.

We had fun for a week, it was full on. he went cold, i dumped him becuse im not going to be messed aruond and left second guessing, casual or not.

and yet imbeing touted as someone who needs help?

nuts, just nuts.

please please can I borrow your Elton John glasses Watch I want to be blinded by lust:o
I dont care if it means I need psychiatric intervention

its nice to feel that way, isnt it.

4 times in my life, its not very often.
I faniced him from the very second i saw him, and had he of asked, would have shagged him instantly. the dial was at 10. proper thunder and lightening stuff.
rare

id still say worth it and id do it all again.

Id rather be single, than be with someone i have no spark with. Like velv says, its just this thing, dont even know where it comes from. Im NOT desperate and needy enough to be with somone just because. Im happy to wait. And id rather choose 2 weeks of crazy sparking than 2 months of meh. every. damn. time.

Ahem, there will be no Coffee for me today, no way! Mercury I hope he's what you are looking for and I'm not judging, I know what you want and the great thing is that you know it too.

A spark is a spark is a spark, we all know what it feels like and it's rare indeed!

Trick is not to get too carried away with it all straight away, give it time to flicker a bit. I've had fireworks, they died quickly or they became an eternal flame (damned ex getoutamyhead).

Happy birthday OWW.

a spark is a spark is a spark. i like that :)

so i dont really need to be called vunerable for feeling one.

Good luck to all you daters today Mercury, Scrazy and Snape. Sorry if I've forgotten anyone. This is a great day, very well-starred, honestly, so I know you are all going to have the best time.

Sparks . . . well, there is a huge difference between pure animal lust - maybe that's the fireworks - and the spark. The thing is, I don't think the spark is purely a physical thing. That comes into it, sure, but it needs to work on different levels and so it's not something you can be sure of straight away. There needs to be some level of attraction there at the start, but on the first date people often behave a bit, well, differently to normal, particularly if they are nervous or trying to make a good impression. That's not the real person, and it's only when you start to get to know them that you can see if the spark is there.

Fireworks - well, fireworks are short term. Fireworks aren't sustainable. Fireworks burn out quickly and leave nothing there to take their place. If you're really after fireworks and not the spark, then maybe short-term relationships are the best place to find them. The spark can last and last and it's what makes relationships worthwhile.

The alternative to fireworks isn't meh.

western, but thats how it is for you.

I did talk to goaty. the spark came from talking to him too. It was everything.

People spend years not knowing the real person, so again, thats bollocks, how many people are married to someone for 10 years and then left totally stunned by their behaviour. Spark isnt based on knowing the real person.

Like, david beckham, hes attractive, some physical lust there, but no spark at all, because he sounds like a girl and is wetter than a wet thing.

Fireworks can be long term. Course they can. the alternative to a spark is meh. it just is. i refuse to be with someone im meh about. I refuse to lower my standards to be with somone who is meh about me.