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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Welcome to The Dating Thread. Number 40.

999 replies

JulietteMontague · 08/02/2013 17:39

The next chapter...

OP posts:
watchoutforthatsnail · 10/02/2013 23:18

No. He didnt.
If he did i couldnt be less interested :)

mercury7 · 10/02/2013 23:22

usually the only sure way I can find out if I want to sleep with someone is to sleep with them
but it takes me about 3 seconds to fit them into the yes, no or maybe categories

ike1 · 10/02/2013 23:22

TR used to do a strange push up manoeuvre during congress .....hmmm reckon he was doubling up exercises

Flipper924 · 10/02/2013 23:23

Evening all!

I'm in on the commune, and as the childless one, am happy to take on some babysitting duties on the Nanny's day off. Otherwise will take up my post in the sick room with Nora in my new sequinned uniform. Sadly, I'm not a Dr.

I love snow. it's been snowing here all evening, and all we've got to show for it is a few measly inches.

ike1 · 10/02/2013 23:25

Hia Flip hope you ok lovely. x

VoiceofUnreason · 10/02/2013 23:26

Yey Flip.

Middy86 · 10/02/2013 23:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

VelvetSpoon · 11/02/2013 00:03

TBH I don't think you have to be needy or vulnerable to experience the vanisher phenomenon, I am neither (quite the opposite, most men find me too independent if anything) yet I have had at least my fair share of them...

Middy86 · 11/02/2013 00:17

This reply has been deleted

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VelvetSpoon · 11/02/2013 00:24

I think a lot of men who OD are not as single as they make out...I'd bet most of the pre-date vanishers (ones who chat, arrange something, and then cancel at the 11th hour) are married/in LTRs and just looking for a little excitement, knowing they can still 'pull' etc. Ugh.

watchoutforthatsnail · 11/02/2013 07:26

midday,i think if anyone had a drop of contact from constant, he was texting me at 6am! to almost nothing, you would notice. You cant not. I just said it was obvious and to leave it. because it was obvious and im not waiting around like a muppet. If he had been less full on from the start, i wouldnt have been bothered and all would be well. I have done casual before, i know how it works.

i wont re evalute wanting fireworks and spark. Im sorry. I cant be with someone to who im just ' meh'. Ive given it a go, its always obvious in their behaviour that they can take you or leave you and that they dont really care all that much. I dont want that just for the sake of being with somone. Ive also had plenty of dates where there was a tiny spark and i would have seen them again to give it a chance, but they just vanish. Equally i dont want to be with someone who i dont feel anything for, i cant see the point in that at all.

A massive spark for me is really rare, maybe 4 times in my life. Its exciting when it happens, of course.

YWK is a complicated thing, its been 4 years... it was a very emotional connection, hes a very clever man.... Ive not actually seen him for years. Ive said no, or say yes then change my mind almost immediatley after, so actually, no, i dont think my radar is off, else id be trotting off to see him. I just find it quite hard when hes crying at me saying he just wants to see me, to say fuck off you arsehole. hes been blocked and not spoken to for many many many months before. in fact, the last 2 years ive not spoken to him more than i have spoken to him.

I am also not needy nor vunerable, i am probably too much the other way, which i dont think helps at all. Look, i once dumped someone casual for bringing an overnight bag to my house. Not the behaviour of someone needy at all.

All thats happened here is i got played. Its not my fault. We all get played at somepoint and arent immune to it.

Flipper924 · 11/02/2013 07:36

OWW, is it your birthday, today? Have a lovely day and enjoy dinner with LM.

watchoutforthatsnail · 11/02/2013 07:48

also, i would say im less needy and vunerable since i called him on it. if i were that way, i would have just left it........

i do go by ' am i happy, yes? keep doing it. No? stop then'

I was happy, so i did it. That all changed, so, rather than risk getting hurt, i did something to stop it.

it only all changed because of him, on monday, he couldnt stop texting me and when i said maybe it was too much he told me no, it was great he loved it and not to worry. By sat, i said i didnt want to feel like i was pestering ( when just replying to him....), and he said i was a little.
That did not feel good, so i stopped it.

a needy or vunerable person wouldnt have done that and would have thought it was them, or modified their behaviour and started a bad cycle of not quite knowing what to do and treading on eggshells.

KinNora · 11/02/2013 08:04

Happy birthday OWW, I hope you have a wonderful day and that LM and your children spoil you rotten.

Good morning everyone, have fun.

48howdidthathappen · 11/02/2013 08:26

Have great coffee scrazy and Mercury Grin

OWW Enjoy your Birthday. You deserve to! Smile

Snape is it today you are seeing nameless? If yes hope he has saved you a viennese whirl.

Snapespeare · 11/02/2013 08:41

happy birthday OWW!

yes, today is date three with nameless. I shall claim my Viennese whirl! nervous excited! nervous! excited! Grin

lubeybooby · 11/02/2013 08:47

Mornin all

Happy birthday OWW, hope you are feeling a bit brighter and less angsty today so you can enjoy your day and have a nice time with LM

Snape! Good luck :o

Good luck to Scrazy and mercury too

SweetSeraphim · 11/02/2013 08:58

Good luck for all with dates today Grin

Snape.... I will be tense for you!

Happy birthday OWW!

watchoutforthatsnail · 11/02/2013 09:09

sorry, also middy, i dont do things the same way, or ' my way' ive done meeting immediatley, to see if there is a spark ( general consesnus this is the best way to go about things) Ive done chatting for ages to build something up first
Ive met with people i wouldnt touch with a bargepole in rl, just to give them a chance and see, Ive met all different types of men, as well as from a wide age group. Ive been pretty open about it all.

Despite doing this for 4 years, ill still be turned by a spark. Cant help that, sorry.

western, happy birthday.

Snape - exciting.

OhWesternWind · 11/02/2013 09:13

Thank you! Got woken up at midnight by the children coming in to sing Happy Birthday. They are lovely. Looking forward to the day once I've got through work. LM has just phoned (but wouldn't sing). Lovely messages from friends irl and on here. My friend at work has just told me I don't look 42. That's why she's my friend Grin. Life's as good as it can be on a rainy morning in February.

lubeybooby · 11/02/2013 09:15

You don't look a day over 32 OWW. at a guess seeing as I haven't actually seen a pic :o

Middy86 · 11/02/2013 10:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MirandaWest · 11/02/2013 10:23

Happy Birthday OWW :)

Middy86 · 11/02/2013 10:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

watchoutforthatsnail · 11/02/2013 10:27

ywk did get me. a long time ago. the problem being that i was vunerable then, it was recently after my marriage split. I am not the same person as i was then, he thinks i am. Im a nice person, and know how much he helped me, and feel i should do the same sometimes. Ive not had much to do with him for years........ so...... I do happen to think hes in the middle of a mental crisis, so yes, actually crazy. i want no part in that..

a spark, isnt sometihng from sometihng toxic. Lots of people have a spark,heck, most of dating is people looking for a spark. Most of people rejecting when dating is because lack of spark, there isnt anything different in me wanting one.

i dont know why you would be worried for me. I dumped two realtionships last year on the basis that it wasnt working for me. lots of people would have stayed. if i was vunerable and needy, i would have stayed.

all that happened here was i felt a massive spark, all sense went out the window, as mercury said, its happened enough to her. It happens. I had fun for a week, and then stopped it when it wasnt fun. he was a bit of a dick, but thats all there is too it.