Welcome to The Dating Thread. Number 40.

[JulietteMontague]

The next chapter...

The shit ones are still shit, and still behave shittily
yep!

velvet. i know. happens all the time. its just shit isnt it.

i dont get it, really i dont. Even if we take out everything, there was a fucking sex handstand for gods sake!!! it was good. how could you not want more?

see, the next sentance, after saying he felt pressured, was that im so lovely, when he says hes busy, i just say ' ok, have fun' and dont get in a strop with him.

see, cant win, wasnt about me, but about him.

but still. fucks sake. fucked off. absolutley not going to cry.

Because they really don't give a shit, Velvet. They just don't care. It doesn't even occur to them, because the only feelings that count are their own.

Has anyone read 'why men love bitches'. I've mentioned it before and whilst some of it is tosh some of it is sound.

Basically, don't throw yourself at guys and keep your life going, fit them in when you can. They are sidelines, not a priority in the beginning anyway. Keep a bit of yourself back and gradually let them in, emotionally and sexually, when they prove they are worth it. The sexual advice isn't necessarily holding it back but give a little more as time goes on. It is hard when you like someone a lot but if they felt the same they will persevere.

Seems to work ime. I'm like this naturally so don't work at it. I know I'm single but I have had a few LTR's in the past.

'the only feelings that count are their own.'

this is true but then can be applied to all of us...I mean if I am experiencing very strong feelings I tend to be absorbed by that and less able to make an insightful interpretation of the other persons behavious

because they are all wankers.

bar the nice , what, 5? in the whole world.

:)

hes 5ft 7. hes not going to do well on a dating site anyway.

watch - no, there are more than that. I know at least a dozen (including me) in the UK alone

Why do you think I was about to blame women juliette? Do I seem
like a misogynist to you?

I swear online dating can be bad for your health. The rollercoaster digs into your nerves. I was just about to write I'm done with it and then Mr Irish texts me. Fucker!

watch you said he was a wanker and he proved it. I know it would have been nice for him to surprise you and turn out to be a goodun but he wasn't. And that is rubbish. Disappointment is so difficult to deal with. But it makes you stronger - that is about the only positive I can pull from it.

I am not massively enjoying my od experience. Think I'm done with it. Hidden all my profiles and not gone online till just, and saw mr Irish was on there. 2 mins later I get a text. And it was a nice text, chatty etc but I can't help but think wanker. I am toughening up and really not massively trusting of any man.

Can I have your opinions - I would like to go on a date with mr Irish. If only to cure my curiosity. He asked me for a drink via email on wed. Swapped numbers but no date fixed. Thursday nothing, Friday texts but not a lot and no mention of date. Sat few more messages and today the same. They are nice and chatty and asking me questions and just offered to make me some cookies for me to taste (we have spoken a lt about our mutual love if cooking) but no mention of the bloody date. I don't want to mention it, refuse to mention it actually - so what next? He said he is new to od so has prob got sweet shop syndrome. I don't want a man that can't decide what he wants. I was married to one of those morons and it almost destroyed me.

i dont do game playing, sorry scrazy, or put any weight in it.

I do have a full life and all that.

He set the pace, i just went along with it, because it was fun and exciting. Its not about how i played it, its him, evidenced by the ' i feel pressured' and then immediatley followed by the ' you dont pressure me' sentances.

not me. him.

i know this. i dont doubt it for a second.

still is shit and upsetting.
fucks sake.

Sorry Watch. He's an arse, but it still hurts a bit. Hugs.

Thinking of finishing it with LM, just too much to deal with at the moment. He called earlier but I didn't really want to talk, reception was crap anyway. Seeing him tomorrow for my birthday but don't feel like it.

Some men are wankers, some women are wankers, it's just unfortunate when we have to deal with them.

(Keep me away from the nhs threads because I'm going to fucking lamp someone soon )

Sorry that was to cellophane not juliette. Damn phone.

Scrazy, I'm sorry but whilst it might be appealing to think that sort of approach always works, it doesn't.

Nice men you don't have to gameplay with, because it doesnt matter how you play it, if they like you, they like you, end of. And the not nice men, however you play it makes no difference to the outcome.

Look at my previous post. I could not have played that better in a 'rules' sense. He did all the running in text terms. I didn't always reply straight away. I didn't let him do any more than kiss me. And it went nowhere because he was/is a narcissistic prick, and craves attention from anyone. And that will always be the case.

Why are you thinking of finishing LM,OWW? What's up?

Bant, I don't know that you can comment on any of that tbh. You can only judge from how you feel about it - whereas collectively, we all have experience of loads of the fuckers

Watch, in light of you being upset now, do you still think you're just in it for the thrill?

Why be upset when you got what you wanted and knew it wouldn't last?

There must be a part of you that wants more. Even if you refuse to admit it to yourself at the time.

I do like that saying 'if you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always got'

NOT meaning to apply that to you as in sleeping with someone quickly, no no... absolutely not.

but meaning - going only for the scruffs, getting carried away with a spark, making excuses to yourself, kidding yourself you don't care, it's worth it for the thrill, etc when really you've invested that bit more of yourself, when it's still really early days.

Watch you have done nothing wrong. You were taken in by a player. Saying he wanted nothing heavy then sending so many texts is a massive red flag. Unfortunately the thread had moved on so posting would've seemed way out of place. The problem I had was work and social life got in the way and today is the first I've had to catch up properly in a week.

I know. Must try harder! :o

Fabulous to see you back NicholasTeakozy. And speaking the truth as always.

Just read that back and it sounds a bit accusatory - not meaning to, just hoping to set off a bit of introspection

and maybe next time people are concerned or offer a hug, don't say you're 'really sorted' and fine when you're not. I do wonder what all this bravado really hides underneath?

do agree with velvet. have experienced it enough myself.

if someone likes you, they like you. you dont have to play games. If someone doesnt like you, nothing you do it going to change that.

You cant ' catch' a man by withholding sex. If they are only interested in sex they will be off as soon as they have got it, weather thats the first date or the 26th date.

Im a big girl, i knew what i was doing, its not like i was expecting the romance of the century. Still, its shite to be messed about. And when somone is one thing and turn out to be something else. essentially whatever way you dress it up, rejection hurts.

western, whats up?

scrazy I've read why men love bitches .. It's not about playing games .. It's about not giving up the things you enjoy to spend time with a man .. Fit them in around your hobbies x

lubey - no, its not that.

its just that he lied and took me for a fool.

i would have been happy with sometihng casual.
had he had been honest and actually said that.

Instead he pretended it was something else, behaved like it was different. LIED. The thing i hate more than anything is someone lying to me. i had more than enough of that from the ex husband to last a lifetime.

and for what its worth, and yes, that does sound a little patronising, i do not always sleep with men straight away. It happens rarely. very very rarely.

he was a scruff, but a loaded scruff, i dont mean in in a bum way, in a looks way. Dont forget the fleece date prior to that. The pirate before that...not scruff. Again, i rarely go on a date with my ideal. So please dont try and paint it that i have this terrrible type that i always go for and its my fault its gone wrong again.

kirsty - or fitting them around your life. which i did......

Nothing annoys me more than lying.

I am the most magnanimous person, and can forgive pretty much anything PROVIDED someone is honest with me from the outset.

My Ex used to lie all the time. Stupid stuff he had no need to lie about, that I wouldn't have cared about, or flown off the handle over. But he lied nonetheless. He did it because he thought he could, and because he had no respect for me. Same reason the children lie to me about going to school, same reason men have lied to me many times about their intentions etc.

Lying is probably the one thing I can't forgive, or certainly that I can't forget.

Oh dear I just can't be doing with more complicated stuff in my life at the moment. Not dealing with anything well. Keep crying. No idea where I stand with LM, the time when I asked him was a disaster, that was when he said we were at the crossroads but then didnt say which road he wanted to take. Don't want to spend/waste more time either getting deeper or consciously holding myself back when I don't know where it's going. No idea what he feels about me. I don't actually want anything to change ie I don't want to move in with him or anything but I want to know where I am with him. Loads of mixed messages but probably I am as bad. Upset tonight that he doesn't like me yet he has phoned ;and I was a bit abrupt with him) and is cooking for me tomorrow. I am a bloody nightmare, honestly. Poor bloke. Reading this doesn't make sense even to me. I am just a total messed up bollix.