Welcome to The Dating Thread. Number 40.

[JulietteMontague]

The next chapter...

I will NEVER understand this behaviour. To woo someone into fucking them, and then not bothering afterwards is one thing. To then chase and chase to get another shag, make out it's meaningful and then disappear is cuntish. Happens all too often. Sorry mate. I know you knew it was only a fling, but he's behaved like a proper cock.

Oooh my language on that post is DISGRACEFUL

I don't get why these men chase, chase, chase for a couple of meetings and then pull away. Surely, if they kept friendly, they would get more sex. Tis a mystery
I suspect it's the sex with a new woman that especially gives them a buzz and makes him want to go on and 'conquer' more new women...possibly also the feeling of being in control, as in she wants me more than I want her.
Kinda suggests seeing women as things to score points with rather than people with feelings

then he said he did want to spend more time with me, i said i didnt have any more time, i do have a life. and am not free till next sat evening.
But apparently he also cant make plans.

he chased. i have all the messages to prove it. i have all the ones where he was begging to see me. Or the ones messaging me at 6am. I just went along with it. I have his damn key.

but he said he felt pressured, i said that pressure didnt come from me.

anyway, doesnt matter.

watch well. I don't actually know what to say. I think you knew it was a fling, you had it firmly in 'fling' category... but he has been a bit of an arse about it.

Tosser.

...not that women cant do the same, but since it's easy for women to get casual sex there is very little 'kudos' to be gained from pulling a man,

unless you go for rock stars or someone massively out of your league

Oh dearie me...it all seems like a right head fuck really. I just like nice n' steady blokes (I can provide my own drama). Back from the pub......no vino has passed my lips but banoffee pie has! I am going to have an early night tonight I reckon!!

Sorry Watch. Many men are just bullshitters. I suppose there may be women who behave this way but I don't know any.

The text thing I find weird, the ones who go from constant contact to almost nothing, then when you pick them up on it either get the arse or come out with some crappy excuse. It's happened to me more than once. Just weird. I don't get what all the text-text-text thing is.

I suspect with a lot of men it's all about the chase, and once they've got a date/snog/shag/whatever, they have no interest.

Just weird.

I am having a crappy day. Have been feeling ill again since this morning (second weekend running, clearly all the excitement of Friday nights disagrees with me ), and DS1 is in a furious mood, has shouted and sworn at me for the last hour and thrown stuff round in his room. Will be quite glad to go back to work tomorrow.

Every single man I have met who is full on in the initial stages has turned out to be an arse of the first order.

It is not necessarily even about getting a fuck, but whatever it is, it is all about them and their addiction to the attention. How witty, what a great fuck, how good looking, how poetic, how artistic, how misunderstood, how they are too big for this world, how they are such a great deal, how they just have to have you, how boundaries do not apply to them.

They can provide a roller coaster of highs and lows, hot and cold. I don't care why, the only thing they have in common is being Fuckwits every one.

I'll second that Juliette, early stage bombardment often heralds a short bumpy ride!

And of course you can never call them on it, because they you are needy...

Watch you had a good time with him for a while, you were in it for whilst it lasted now he doesn't get any more of your headspace.

all about the chase. yeah. thats what i reckon.
He said he thought if he said, yeah, lets go with a relationship, i would say yes, and that was too much for him.

anyway, its him who clearly has issues. not me. because most people dont behave that way.

i cant lie and say im not fucked off/ upset. because i am. there could have been something there, if he wasnt an arse. but its obviously not meant to be.

:(

i shall now have to wait another 4 years for another spark.
:(

yeah, i know.
he said after the first meeting it wasnt just sex. then prompty said after sex he wasnt after anything heavy.

blinded by scruff and hormones. again.

mercury - i thought he was out of my league thur. so.......

So I know veal is morally wrong. But when it's stuffed with goose liver pate, also wrong, do two wrongs make a right and make it okay to eat?

Ew, meat stuffed with other meat is also wrong so I guess you could go for the triple.

And, you are kind of allowed to break the rules under the new in town/behave like the locals thing.

Sorry to interject something completely unrelated to to subject at hand but
A) I'm ordering food and
B) when I've given my opinion on the man/sex/chase thing I've been shouted down for daring to do so. So I'll just talk about food and let you go on and make the same mistakes without any input from me :)

Actually, you were out of his league.

And it won't be four years.

Watch I've been rendered utterly imbecilic by hormones/endorphins/oxytocin/sex induced euphoria or whatever it is, more times than I care to admit

I wish I was a man...but then again I think women are blessed with greater capacity for sexual pleasure so perhaps I dont want to be a man after all

No, veal and pâté are doubly wrong. Ugh.

Shut up bant.

Watch how could he be out of your league? Same goes for you too with nameless Snape. You are both perfectly lovely and have a lot to offer ffs.

You're allowed to be pissed off about it I think.

It's horrible when it happens. And you know I'm not even sure they actually realise they're doing it.

My worst ever head-fuck experience: brilliant date, next date arranged and planned before that one ended. Some kissing but no more, because he said he respected me, didnt want to rush into anything and thought it was nicer to let these things build up.... immediately following which went from 50-odd texts a day to 2 or 3 at most. Cancelled next date 2 days beforehand with a poor me, I'm having a hard time excuse. Rearranged...and he cancelled that as well. With an even more flimsy excuse. Discovered he'd had ONS with at least 1 girl, possibly 2 between our actual date and cancelled one...despite the texts he did send me in that time saying how much he couldn't wait to see me

So, you know, it makes fuck all difference if sex is involved or not. The shit ones are still shit, and still behave shittily!

bant - the sex thing started before the date. most of the date was spent kissing. ive not had sex since sept. i just went for it. I dont think that had any issue on it, he is just not wanting to see anyone right now, which is his situation. not because of anything i said or did.
or - that is what im going to chose to believe.

juliette - tis true.

mercury - gah, its a pain, isnt it. sure ill do the exact same thing again too.

bant - yum.

Bant, the collective opinion is that making men wait for sex doesn't achieve anything, we have all had relationships in which sex occurred very early on.

As for making mistakes...endeavors of this nature are inherently fraught with pitfalls...have you not made mistakes with dating despite being party to our intense discussions??

There is no such thing as leagues - you either find each other mutually attractive or you don't. You get a wetfish slap for that comment Watch.

Interested in what you think Bant but got a feeling you might be about to blame us wimmen for the situations and I can tell you, having read what these wimmen have written for over a year and being one - I am pretty sure I can safely say these wimmen are so not to blame!!