Welcome to The Dating Thread. Number 40.

[JulietteMontague]

The next chapter...

why goat-dump?

Velvet excellent attitude. All in its own good time. I think the slow burners can be some of the best!

Have been doing really well recently but this morning I am full of wobbles and tears very near the surface. I'm really quite upset about LM's health, but can't really talk to him about it more unless he raises the subject first. Having a terrible time with pre-teen dd full of hormones and issues, mother who is very difficult and impending birthday which this year I'm not looking forward to at all. Twentieth anniversary of my dads death coming up but can't really talk to anyone about it, mum is not good on this subject, friends don't really understand, LM dealing with first anniversary of his dad very soon so it seems wrong to talk about this. So feeling crap and insecure and wondering where my life is going. Finding it very hard to make new friends here - I work full time in a different town so no contact with school parents, no babysitters/money to let me join a regular group. Aargh. Who's got that fish?

I'm not sure you need the wet fish, OWW, more the opportunity to get everything off your chest. You sound as you're the person that everyone turns to for support, you just need the opportunity to have someone listen to you for a change.

( too many 'opportunities' there, it's early, I've not had coffee )

Snape, because im quick tempered and stubborn. Thats why.

:)

Fair enough.

Western, thanks. I've v belatedly realised theres no need to rush, and not rushing doesnt mean he's not that into me or whatever. I have been invited to something at the end of March and I'd very much like him to come with me assuming all is still ticking along by then. But I won't be asking him for at least a month, no rush! (I suspect no rush is going to become my motto!)

Sounds like you are having a really hard time though, and not unsurprisingly with all that going on. It'll be 16 years in Sept since I lost my dad, I miss him all the time (was talking to Cuthbert on Fri about what an influence he was/is on me). So I do, in the sense of being someone else who has lost a parent, understand - if you ever want to pm me, please do.

Re making friends etc - are there any events coming up at your school that you could go to? The DSs school used to have quiz nights, wine tastings and stuff, and some of the mums in DS2s class used to organise meals out, drinks etc every few months, I never did school pick ups but they were always really good about making sure to include me. I know it's hard with childcare and stuff, but if there is at least one event you can go to, things snowball from that - I know I've had all my school mum friends round here several times for a few glasses of wine in the past if I didn't have anyone to look after the boys for the evening.

Nora maybe I need to go back and see my counsellor ... I hate burdening people, and find it quite hard to ask for help and support. I'm very independent and self-sufficient most of the time and it's difficult to admit I'm having a hard time sometimes.

Western, was going to say maybe its more how you see things than how they are. Im sure if you spoke to someone or asked for help they would help/ support you.
I should imagine it might be tied up with your ex and being in fear of rocking the boat as it were. Hard habit to break.

And yep snape he was like ' are you serious' and then said dont worry after i appolgised for being a dick. I suspect the dont worry was shouted while running forthe hills...

Thanks Velvet for understanding and your good advice.

Watch don't do anything hasty, you must be a bit shaken up with all this stuff going on, and probably not in the best frame of mind for making important decisions.

You're right, I always pretend I'm okay and think if I tell people I'm not then they will run away. I can remember one time crying because I missed my dad and instead of giving me a hug ex just stood watching me for about five minutes then walked out. It's really hard. I've asked my mum for help - she is good on a practical level but shockingly bad on an emotional one! I have some good friends in other parts of the country who are great but most of them have their own problems and I don't like to add to that by moaning about mine.

It's all the same old shit about finding it hard to be open with people, isn't it??

Western. I need to run else ill be late for work. Totally understand . Was in the same boat myself.

Its too late for my decision.... expect the decision is now out of my hands

OWW, from my personal and professional experience there are a lot of people who find it awkward in some way to deal with someone opening up or expressing unhappiness, I'm not sure why this is, maybe partly because people are afraid of saying The Wrong Thing, I think.
The benefit of speaking to a counsellor of course is that you can say whatever you want, without worrying about whether you're going to upset them.

Finding friends in a new area is hard, I did get on well with some of the other mums from school but found it easier, and met people who were more in tune with me, when I went back to work part time.

I've no personal experience of the death of a parent but if you think there's any chance I can be a sounding board for anything health-related, give me a shout.

Oh. Goaty argued back.
:)

Hes says we are ok. Ill half believe it for noe.

Off out for lunch with mum and dcs - big smile plastered on. It'll all be okay. Thanks for helping.

Afternoon all. Velvet I am ok thanks apart from catching about my 5th cold in as many months, it's getting silly now! Grrr.

I think your 'no rush' plan with Cuthbert sounds perfect.

Hello Winefiend

OWW hope you and LM are able to talk soon and/or you feel better

48 hope you are ok today

(feeble)hello... blame the octos, th elandlady my mate and the afternoon nap...soz everyone...(goes bak to bed)

Ah, the dead have risen. Ha ha ha ha.

See, this is why I never get pissed. Much more fun remembering what others got up to.

I was exploring my new city yesterday, wandering around in the snowy streets, stopping occasionally here for a coffee, there for a beer, somewhere else for food and to read my book, make chit-chat with strangers, then when I was heading home two girls came up to me and said they were lost. So, being generally friendly, I helped them find the bar they were looking for and they invited me to their party. 'yay' I thought, thinking maybe meeting people in real life is easier over here. So I was about to order drinks for us in this very swanky but very empty place, where I noticed 4 other tables occupied in the whole place. Each of which by one bloke and two women. Aha, I thought, and checked the price list. 15 quid for a beer, 20 for a cocktail. No price for schnapps, which they both wanted. Gotcha. Bye ladies.

I'd heard of this before, the honey traps over here, but had expected the girls to be a bit more stunningly attractive, not like they'd just run away from their dads farm in the countryside, which is probably what happened.

Oh and today I bought a fleece. It's bloody cold

Bant - sounds like, um, fun....

Honestly that place (the local) will be the death of me....

ike you didn't embarrass yourself too much. Kept me amused anyway as I wasn't wide awake.

libey - I'm like that with colds, take ages to shift the bloody things and when you think they've gone, they come straight back

OWW - all will be well

I bloody remember what I got up tp cos I've written it down on this thread (groan...)

....and I am returning in an hour for lunch..............if I dont reappear by six someone come and get me.............