Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Welcome to The Dating Thread. Number 40.

999 replies

JulietteMontague · 08/02/2013 17:39

The next chapter...

OP posts:
VoiceofUnreason · 10/02/2013 13:20

You just played DJ, that's all. Could have been MUCH worse. You could have been on a webcam and all the MNetters would have been tutting at the state of your crumpled bedding

ike1 · 10/02/2013 13:22

True .............its my crurnpled face I am more concerned about today...

VoiceofUnreason · 10/02/2013 13:26

So, about this cruise.... Wink

Anyway, I was at a small dinner party last night and another single guy was regaling us about his 'success' using OD. He's been doing it for over 6 months, only met 2 women and both of those were 45 miles away. So, I at least know that what I experienced wasn't unusual and that obviously round here is just a dating black hole. Which, of course, begs the oft-considered question: should I move away?

ike1 · 10/02/2013 13:30

Where to tho????

ike1 · 10/02/2013 13:32

Annabella Lwin has had a reasonably successful career it seems working with Guy Chambers, Dave Navarro etc....she also also liiks great for her age. However she was only 13 when in Bow Wow Wow and posed naked at 14 (NOT good)

ike1 · 10/02/2013 13:33

looks

VoiceofUnreason · 10/02/2013 13:35

Thought we'd settled on Norwegian fjords so we could see the Northern Lights?

Oh, you mean moving.... Smile

I dunno. Whenever I've thought of it before, I always came to the same conclusion. I like being in a biggish town with countryside nearby. All the places I've ever visited and thought "would like to live here" are much smaller - no good for jobs or meeting single people in their 30s. Which leaves cities and while I worked in London for a while, I hated staying there. Am just not a city person (like visiting though).

ike1 · 10/02/2013 13:40

Oh yeah we did didnt we....hahaha! Hmmmm Bristol is a good city surrounded by countryside. I would probs move to Totnes or Glastonbury if it wasnt for the kids...

lubeybooby · 10/02/2013 13:41

Go for it voice. I've been trying to get my gay but in the closet firmly best friend to move where the life is for ages. He's miserable.

As a 38 yr old single guy who doesn't want children and is celibate due to his massive struggle with his sexuality, his OD attempts all fail - either spot pretty quick that he's actually gayandinthecloset or they think, great, what a nice guy, in touch with his feminine side, but oh, doesn't want kids... ok... then they find out he is celibate too and run like the wind. Plus all his uni friends etc are now settled with kids and don't want to go gallivanting staying in hotels at weekends to attend night clubs and gay clubs. He so, so needs to be in Brighton or Manchester. Not rural Berkshire.

He refuses though as he's too scared about his work situation... I say fuck it, he's a skilled guy, take a chance... but he has become a mad cat man instead and has about eleven of them at the last count.

On a completely unrelated note, people are lovely. My telly blew up last month, and now with the current situation I really, really want to just lie on the sofa and stay still sometimes (nausea) but it's so boring without the telly.

I have been trying to save for one, no joy, tried freecycle, local fb selling pges, no joy - til I posted a wanted ad and explained I can't pick up as don't drive and really can't lift heavy things at the moment (have the beginnings of SPD already too and my back keeps going into spasm)

This lovely fella responded and said he had one and would drop it off for me. Turns out he spotted one on another towns freecycle, is going to get that and bring it to me, it's not just one he had lying around. He has refused compensation for his time too. Thank you Mr nice man Flowers

VoiceofUnreason · 10/02/2013 13:47

ike - oddly enough, Bristol is the place that's 45 miles away. Interesting that this chap has only met two women, even although prepared to travel that distance. When I was OD, I cast my net down to Bristol and I also found it to be slim pickings.

lubey - I think it's easier said than done, moving somewhere new. Aside from having no support network of friends (and I have some amazing ones), the arts is quite precarious and takes longer to make friends because it's not like working in a large office with lots of colleagues. But hurrah for Mr Nice Man.

ike1 · 10/02/2013 13:48

how lovely lubes.xxx

ike1 · 10/02/2013 13:50

Yeah Ive been casting my net towards Brizzle.....dont bother looking any further the pickings get even slimmer....

lubeybooby · 10/02/2013 13:52

Voice I know it's not easy - I would freak out if I had to. I'd be scared. But things that are worth it tend to be the things that remove you completely from your comfort zone. Til you find a new comfort zone.

VoiceofUnreason · 10/02/2013 13:59

lubey - tis a bugger, that's for sure. When you're happy with everything else about your life - your job, where you live, your friends, who you are - it's one helluva gamble to give all those up for something you're not finding where you are and may not find anywhere else anyway.

ike1 · 10/02/2013 14:05

How far would you be prepared to travel to date, Voice? Would you go up to London?

VoiceofUnreason · 10/02/2013 14:20

That's the other thing I've grappled with, long distance relationships. And I don't think they are for me. It basically means you can only do weekends and I think puts a different emphasis and different pressures on things. It becomes all about planning and no spontaneity. I've known one person for whom it has worked because she is away working in the week.

One of the two women I met and saw very briefly when OD was a policewoman. She worked really odd shift patterns and as a result after initial emails and phone chats it was 4 weeks before we met and another 3 weeks to get to a second date, purely because of her work. She was nice but that situation wasn't for me - she lived 4 miles down the road but may as well have been in London (which would be an absolute minimum of 2 hours even if on this side of the city, 3 if it were north, south or east).

If you're doing something mid week, you always have to do it on your own. I'm always going out with friends on my own. I want someone to share those things with, not just meet up at weekends.

ike1 · 10/02/2013 14:23

Ah I see... well because I have the kids a weekend thing only would be ok with me. Just been downstairs to discover CDs everywhere and the heating left on all night....WHAT am I like????

VoiceofUnreason · 10/02/2013 14:32

Well, as you were wide awake until gone 5, even when I gave up before 4, seems fair enough to have had the heating on.

It's tricky, because most people (at our age) know what they want, don't want, what suits them. And they tend to want someone to complement and fit into their life, rather than have to change their life to fit in with someone (that was a phrase I often saw from women on OD).

ike1 · 10/02/2013 14:41

Yes ...oh dear...single it is forever then (for me that is anyway!!!) Off down the pub again see you all later ....Round 2...

lubeybooby · 10/02/2013 15:46

I have a telly! It works and everyfin. Wow. I haven't been all that bothered about it til this week but am so happy now. All the time without it, the tivo box has been merrily recording stuff... up to 83% space taken and it was on about 10% when the old one blew up. Oops

What a very kind lovely chap though anyway. I didn't even have to do any lifting.

48howdidthathappen · 10/02/2013 15:47

Mr R&R is a bloody star Smile He has just left.

He didn't get here until gone eleven, his parents are both in their 80s and his dad had had a fall. He is ok, bruised and very shook up.

We exchanged a few texts during the evening before his arrival. His last one said 'Be with you soon. I need a hug'. Why the hell can't I say 'I need a hug'.

Anyway he was a bit shook up and worried. He said he couldn't imagine what I was going through. So I told him the whole truth Shock. He was lovely. Told me to stop being so secretive and let him in. That he was here for me.
Lots of really lovely stuff. I didn't cry! I feel so much better.

OWW You sound much like me. I will help anyone, but to ask or accept help is a tall order.

Take it from me. Ask. Smile

RedRosy · 10/02/2013 15:48

Hi
Just a query, if you are registered on match.com, do they put you onto other dating sites, eg mature dating.com??
Thank you!

lubeybooby · 10/02/2013 15:53

Awww 48, I knew he would be great :) lovely update. I hope gradually you can let him a bit closer

lubeybooby · 10/02/2013 15:54

RedRosy I don't think match.com does but have never actually used it so don't listen to me [helpful face]

Bant · 10/02/2013 15:55

Rosy

No, but there are several sites such as datingdirect which are all just different names for match.com. None of them, AFAIK are 'specialist' ones like maturedating or singleparent, or blonde&bouncy or whatever

Swipe left for the next trending thread