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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Dating chat thread still going! Number 39

999 replies

lubeybooby · 02/02/2013 12:26

Here we are all

Dating related chit chat here

OP posts:
JulietteMontague · 07/02/2013 20:14

Watch I am still in the be careful camp, he could be a wonderfully romantic live in the moment kind of man or all of that, still with a box of red flags under the bed. As long as you are aware and have your eyes open that is still no reason not to shag him until he is broken and move on gracefully if the time comes. Did you tell him you weren't impressed by his tea and tv moments?

I do understand where Scrazy and Mercury are coming from on sex details, for me it's not a shock thing but more an aversion to porn style wording. Flaps, bean flicking, cumming (clutched pearls as I wrote that, bizzarely I'd be perfectly happy with coming) and my pet hate pussy. Ok only two of those are porn words, I think I just like to call a cunt a cunt.

Really don't see a problem with anyone having sex with as many people as they want to, as soon as they want to, as often as they want to Grin

KinNora · 07/02/2013 20:14

One of the reasons this thread exists is to allow us to have a space where we don't have to have our 'strong' heads on, have a fucking ginormous hug.

Snapespeare · 07/02/2013 20:19

kinNora agree. I would never say half the shit I say on here in boring old real life.

Thanks thread.

KinNora · 07/02/2013 20:20

God almighty, I'm so happy that someone else has word issues with 'cumming' ( and its various derivatives) and 'pussy', much prefer 'coming' and 'cunt'.
< high fives Juliette >

KinNora · 07/02/2013 20:21

Snapes, me neither - see my cunnilingus drought, a combination of words that I never expected to type.

Flipper924 · 07/02/2013 20:21

48, have they got a care package in place? Does your Mum's partner really understand what he's going to have to do?

Is there a community stroke rehab team? The level of input some can provide will make that transition much easier and much more supported.

Sometimes it's hard for patients and relatives to understand how much harder it is at home rather than in hospital, where everything is done for you, and that trial at home is the only way to demonstrate it. If, however, you disagree with them discharging her just yet, then you can push for a bit more time.

It might help to point out to the hospital (if she's in a sub-acute stroke ward rather than a community based rehab unit) that you will be readmitting her at the first sign of problems so they'll have a failed discharge on their hands, if you don't think they should be discharging her yet. They get fined for those, you know.

At a push, do you really think she doesn't understand the explanations she's been given about what's happened? Have the SLTs assessed her understanding? It's not the nicest/easiest of things to do, but if she's saying she wants to go home but doesn't understand the implications of that, you can always question her capacity to make that decision.

Sorry you're going throught this, it's a scary time.

Watch, please don't think anyone's criticising you, I get the impression that people here just care about you and are worried, that's all. I read some of the earlier posts and thought 'Aww, it's like the threads come over all maternal'. Me, I think you know what you're doing, and I agree, it seems to be the excitement rather than the romance that you're enjoying.

As for me, thank you all for asking, well it's pretty much over now, bar the bawling that I'll probably do more of. It might sound odd, but having been here before, I took control of what was happening this time, and that made it a lot easier. I still think more needs to be done to improve access to services for women going through this, and I hate the superstitions that stop people talking about early pregnancy and therefore getting the support that helps so much. That's for a different thread though, I sincerely appreciate the fact that you've all allowed me to derail this one rather than starting my own.

KinNora · 07/02/2013 20:33

Flipper, I'm making you a virtual cup of tea/giant sparkly cocktail, bringing you a giant pile of refined carbohydrates of your choosing and putting your favourite telly on - another massive great hug for you.

48howdidthathappen · 07/02/2013 20:35

I am so sorry flipper Thankyou for taking the time to post.

Yes there is a community rehab team, the care package is from the neighbourhood team in the short term. We have asked for another meeting prior to discharge.

2 of my sisters and me are already planning our pick up the pieces agenda.

I can feel my strong head getting the upper hand Smile

Snapespeare · 07/02/2013 20:45

flipper so very sorry. Thanks look after yourself lovely.

JulietteMontague · 07/02/2013 20:56

Flipper you've taken a good strong approach to a very difficult time. I feel for you, it's so sad that you know how to take control precisely because you've done it before. Big hugs from me too.

48 we really have all been there, you didn't actually do it though. I agree it's time to lean on others. Mr R&R has proven himself in being consistent and caring despite you dumping the poor sod at the first sign of your trouble Grin so maybe let him in a little?

JulietteMontague · 07/02/2013 20:57

48 I mean that in a good way

48howdidthathappen · 07/02/2013 21:02

I have just texted him. Having a crap day. Need time out. Will catch up tomorrow. I have my strong head back. Ok shut him out again. He replied, Ok I understand, have an early night, take care. I want you to take care of me you idiot. Will let him in a bit when I see him.

48howdidthathappen · 07/02/2013 21:05

I nearly dumped him today. I hate feeling vulnerable. Its shyte.

KinNora · 07/02/2013 21:20

Feeling vulnerable is shite.

Mr R&R proved his worth when your mum had her stroke, he'll come through for you again, he is a real find - you were saying just the other day how good your relationship is and how comfortable you are with him.

KinNora · 07/02/2013 21:21

So much so that I read what you'd said and thought to myself ' that is precisely what I want '.

JulietteMontague · 07/02/2013 21:33

48 bless, you asked for space and he is giving it to you. This is the pattern you have set up, the going gets tough and you try to bin him keep him at bay (it's 3 times now). A month ago you would have been grateful for the space, you have to let him know that has changed and what you want. He has been a solid so far so it's time to let him be there. You have a lot on right now and it doesn't have to be tonight but maybe open the door a little rather than default to slamming it shut?

watchoutforthatsnail · 07/02/2013 21:45

flipper, bless you. i do agree, takin g control does help.makes it feel less like something is happening to you, and more like sometihng you have chosen to happen. Thinking of you.

Yes, agreed, all about the excitment, nothing more. I like the word cumming. i also like pussy, and cunt and all the other words.

48, dont make any rash decisions, if you told him you didnt want to talk, hes going to listen to that. today is a bad day, if you want him, tell him. dont be afraid to speak up and say that.

OhWesternWind · 07/02/2013 21:51

48 he's a really lovely man. Please don't chuck him!

JulietteMontague · 07/02/2013 21:54

He hasn't been a solid obvs Blush

ike1 · 07/02/2013 22:22

will read all tomoz...hope eveyone had a good Ikeday..xxxxx

VelvetSpoon · 07/02/2013 22:24

48, its clear he really cares for you. You are having a terrible time, (so sorry for all the stuff re your mum, it sounds tough) it's not being weak to want someone there for you. I'm sure if you can let him in, he will be (if that makes sense, sorry I am so tired not expressing my thoughts clearly)

Flipper, many hugs, I am hugely sorry for your news. But the positive, that you have already identified, is that it is still a possibility, although I know that is but the tiniest comfort now. Will be thinking of you.

Watch, I know you know what you're doing, and that it might not be what others do but you're not afraid to plough your own furrow (christ that sounds like a shocking euphemism...!)

I don't think there's any one right or wrong way to date or whatever. I'm surprised no-one's told me I'm wrong to have Cuthbert round for dinner (tomorrow...date 5...fucking hell! who'd have thought it? Me, who couldn't get a date!) but it's the right thing for me. There's no point going out for a meal because I'll hardly eat anything and it seems a waste. Plus, I want to be able to kiss him. I couldn't be in his company for the evening without at least a couple of kisses. And I can't (beyond the briefest kiss) in public because of the effect it has on him Blush so it's a bit less awkward to be indoors. and as he lives with his parents at present he can't invite me to his.

I just have to try to serve up something vaguely edible tomorrow. Will try and channel Nigella (who is his perfect woman) in more ways than one Grin

VelvetSpoon · 07/02/2013 22:25

I knew I forgot something...

Ike, hope you had a fab birthday (and the hangover tomorrow is not too painful!) :)

48howdidthathappen · 07/02/2013 22:32

Happy Birthday Ike Have one for me Smile

I have apologised to my daughter. My behaviour was unacceptable. She said sorry too.

I am going to try to let Mr R&R be there for me. Gulp.

watchoutforthatsnail · 07/02/2013 22:36

Velv. I agree. And hope you have a smashing date :) privacy is good. Cant see anything wrong with a low key evening at yours :)

I think we all do stuff differently. Friend just reminded me of my own advice. Are you happy? If yes, keep doing it. If not. Stop

Fuck it. Im enjoying it :)

ike1 · 07/02/2013 22:43

48 will digest tomoz and have a think,,....so tough..x