Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Think my relationship is about to implode

112 replies

irrationalme · 01/02/2013 23:42

have N'cd; been on this board for three years and have learn't a lot.

Suddenly I feel very uneasy about the man I love. Don't want to say too much incase I'm found on here IYKWIM.
he lives with me and DCS, my house, i'm fully self supporting - hes having tough time, his financial support is probably 20% of what he should be paying.

Suddenly everything seems wrong, its like the mist has lifted and I'm feeling the need to extricate myself. If it smells fishy, it is...isn't it?

OP posts:
Middy86 · 01/02/2013 23:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
irrationalme · 02/02/2013 00:01

his work is good, no problems there, they couldn't sack him.

I have history of 'wrong' relationships; letting men do whatever they want to keep them happy. I am very passive. He is very loving but suddenly I'm seeing red flags all over the place

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 02/02/2013 00:04

Are you worried about his relationship with your children?

PureQuintessence · 02/02/2013 00:06

Look, every relationship is different. Sometimes a man paying less than his fair share is a red flag, but not always. It really depends on your overall relationship.

Original poster
irrationalme · 02/02/2013 00:08

No Imperial, i'm sorry I do not wish to dripfeed I'm just nervous. I take care of children, hes good with them. He's lived with us for 1.5 years.

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 02/02/2013 00:09

Can you tell us what you feel uneasy about? Do you think he's taking drugs? Gambling? Stealing money from you?

izzyizin · 02/02/2013 00:11

How has it come about that he's contributing considerably less to the household outgoings/family budget than he should? Has he ever paid the full whack? Does he make other contributions - i.e pay for family holidays, outings, replace clapped out appliances, shower you with gifts etc?

How long has this cocklodger tightwad has had his feet under your table?

Original poster
irrationalme · 02/02/2013 00:16

none of the above Imperial. I am divorced we don't see dcs father mydcs are teenagers. he is going through divorce ( not because of me, grounds unreasonable behaviour started by his wife ) big fight over assets with his ex. I knew him years ago so was old friend who came back on scene, said he always loved me but i've basically been supporting him since hes been here.

OP posts:
Original poster
irrationalme · 02/02/2013 00:17

this is what I'm thinking Izzy. cross posts there!

OP posts:
Original poster
irrationalme · 02/02/2013 00:19

I'm feeling a little bit sick, I know the drill been on the forum a long time

OP posts:
PureQuintessence · 02/02/2013 00:24

You think he is using you for a place to stay while he gets his feet back?

izzyizin · 02/02/2013 00:26

If you know the drill, honey. you know it's time to kick him into orbit cut him loose and let him support himself at market rates.

Words of love are cheap, but you're picking up a mighty big tab for them and that is money which can be more profitably spent on yourself and your dc.

Original poster
irrationalme · 02/02/2013 00:27

He wants to buy with me, which means I have to leave area, when everything is 'sorted'. I understand from someone else he left his wife of many years by leaving a letter on the kitchen table
if he doesn't buy with me his options for housing will be reduced

OP posts:
PureQuintessence · 02/02/2013 00:29

Do you really want to buy with him?

Original poster
irrationalme · 02/02/2013 00:29

i could have moved from here already and be mortgage free

OP posts:
Original poster
irrationalme · 02/02/2013 00:30

last couple of days I've been on rightmove assessing what I could buy alone

OP posts:
Original poster
irrationalme · 02/02/2013 00:35

I do all the cooking/cleaning/washing/DCs needs/sex on tap/bring him tea/pay all the bills

OP posts:
Original poster
irrationalme · 02/02/2013 00:36

And hes in charge of remote control - its not looking good is it?

OP posts:
izzyizin · 02/02/2013 00:36

He 'wants to buy with you'? O yeah? I'm sure he does - until everthing is sorted leaves a letter on your table swans off to more pastures old new with the proceeds and the savings he's accumulated by living off you.

But that's pie in the sky doing nothing to resolve your immediate problem, which is that he's been poncing off you for the past however long and it's high time he redressed the balance with a big fat wedge of readies.

PureQuintessence · 02/02/2013 00:41

I think you are waking up darling!

Original poster
irrationalme · 02/02/2013 00:41

my exH was highly abusive and 'lived off me' as this P puts it

OP posts:
garlicblocks · 02/02/2013 00:42

Have a search on this board for two threads by BibiBlocksberg - they were called something like "It's all about him, isn't it" and "It's all about me now" Grin

I think you're a little further out of denial than BB was when she first posted; you might find her story inspiring!

Original poster
irrationalme · 02/02/2013 00:44

I've been so 'loved up' Pure, I think know you are right. I'm going to have a really good listen to him over the weekend and ask some testing questions. We have had a bit of a test this week and I didn't like the results; however it has served to knock my love goggles off.

OP posts:
Original poster
irrationalme · 02/02/2013 00:45

will do garlic

OP posts:
Original poster
irrationalme · 02/02/2013 00:59

when I think of all the times he's told me that i shouldn't let people take advantage, never tell anyone anything that isn't going to benefit me, and if we'd met when we were younger, this is his joke : 'nah, i'd have stolen all your money' ha ha....

OP posts: