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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Think my relationship is about to implode

112 replies

irrationalme · 01/02/2013 23:42

have N'cd; been on this board for three years and have learn't a lot.

Suddenly I feel very uneasy about the man I love. Don't want to say too much incase I'm found on here IYKWIM.
he lives with me and DCS, my house, i'm fully self supporting - hes having tough time, his financial support is probably 20% of what he should be paying.

Suddenly everything seems wrong, its like the mist has lifted and I'm feeling the need to extricate myself. If it smells fishy, it is...isn't it?

OP posts:
izzyizin · 03/02/2013 20:38

I look forward to toasting you too, Besame Smile

Original poster
irrationalme · 04/02/2013 11:36

feel rough and barely slept however used time to do a bit of investigative work to back up my instinct and found the evidence, most of which I had already guessed.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 04/02/2013 11:37

Good on ya

izzyizin · 04/02/2013 11:47

Ooh, do tell - I'm consumed by curiousity!

What have you discovered? Fraud, murder, mayhem? A trail of fags, whiskey & wild, wild, women? Or the usual a pack of lies and deceit from the off?

Original poster
irrationalme · 04/02/2013 11:57

All of the above Izzy, with the exception of murder. He's definately on a sticky wicket. I'm lying low as advised by my lawyer

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 04/02/2013 11:58

erk

izzyizin · 04/02/2013 12:01

And you funded his life of crime! Wow, does that make you an accessory? How exciting Grin

Original poster
irrationalme · 04/02/2013 12:09

he'll be hoping it won't

OP posts:
Original poster
irrationalme · 04/02/2013 12:14

I have been advised that I have nothing to worry about, so wait and see.

OP posts:
izzyizin · 04/02/2013 12:51

I'm sure you've got nothing to worry about, honey, and please feel free to pm me if you have reason to believe otherwise.

garlicblocks · 04/02/2013 12:52

Good lord!

I imagine that's put paid to any lingering regrets?

Good work there, Mme Poirot.

Original poster
irrationalme · 04/02/2013 14:58

I have absolutely no regrets that this is the course of action I should take. I will not deny that it's painful but I am going to accept that pain head on otherwise I will make the same mistakes over and over in the future.

My emotions are understandably all over the place at the moment, but then I've gone from living in denial, in a bubble of 'perfect love' with that man to this. Denial is unsustanable.

OP posts:
garlicblocks · 04/02/2013 15:28

It's horrible, isn't it. Bad people do bad things to good people :(

You weren't wrong to love him, you know! He was wrong - to put it mildly - to abuse your trust & good faith.

izzyizin · 04/02/2013 15:29

I'm not so sure that denial isn't sustainable indefinitely for some.

What we see on this board is merely the tip of the iceberg; the bit that's starting to see the light melt. Which means that a fuck of a lot of women remain frozen in a rock solid block of denial, living their lives in similar bubbles to the one you have so recently burst out of.

I must admit to finding it hard to understand how any woman can claim to have found 'perfect love' and maintain this self-delusion illusion while she's picking up the tab but, as they reputedly say in Yorkshire, there's nowt so queer as folk.

Original poster
irrationalme · 04/02/2013 16:34

Its reading this board for a few years which has helped me get there.

Dignity and self-esteem come up time and time again, and these two things were lacking and have been a constant theme throughout most of my past relationships.

I would rather be alone now.

I do have some great friends, and of course the DCS to care for

OP posts:
garlicblocks · 04/02/2013 16:47

It's all true :( I didn't know any of this - emotional abuse, red flags, financial abuse, covert violence, any of it - until I happened on an article on the Web, started reading up and eventually found my way here. This board's an incredible resource.

I'm still susceptible to self-doubts, wondering if X was right after all and it was me ... after all, he's been married for 9 years, has kids, maybe she's sane and I wasn't? But anybody who maliciously destroys their partner's confidence, as he did mine, is a nasty person. He'll have done the same to her; just been a bit more clever perhaps. She'll be in one of those icy blocks of denial.

mothermirth · 04/02/2013 17:41

IM, have read this thread and just wanted to say what an inspiration you are. I was in a similar situation to you many years ago and it took me far too long to see the light. Am raising a Wine to you.

Original poster
irrationalme · 04/02/2013 18:02

drinks are on me Grin

OP posts:
NeverBeenToMe · 04/02/2013 18:49

I've been lurking on this thread, but just heard the song "Best thing I never had" and thought of you - seemed to sum up your situation. Well done for having the strength to kick him into touch.

izzyizin · 04/02/2013 19:47

Here we are... I've got them in for you Wine Wine Wine Wine Wine Wine

This toast is 'Good riddance to bad rubbish' Grin

You call the next one....

She might have been sane when she met him, garlic, but I suspect she's bordering on certifiable after 9 years with your ex. As yet another saying has it 'you never know what's going behind closed doors' but, in her case, you can make an educated guess and I suspect you won't be far off the truth - which will, since it seems to be my day for adages, will out as it always does.

Original poster
irrationalme · 04/02/2013 19:55

I saw a card on the internet today, it was of a woman waving to someone who had left the picture shouting ' wait, wait! you forgot to take your bullshit!'

OP posts:
garlicblocks · 04/02/2013 22:20

Grin Superb!

Monty27 · 04/02/2013 23:57

IM I want that card.

Original poster
irrationalme · 05/02/2013 07:32

Good nights sleep, nice lie in, now out to work

Inspirational song of the day

OP posts:
Monty27 · 06/02/2013 16:44

IM he may try and resume contact. Ignore all.

keep up the good work. :)