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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

So DH said...

963 replies

wavesandsmiles · 28/01/2013 14:18

He knew I wouldn't want to hear it, but he really regrets getting me pregnant. I am 14 weeks pregnant with our first child, which we actively tried for. We each have 2 children from previous relationships, and there are blended family issues causing tension at the moment. I've been getting quite ill with regualr blackouts and am still suffering morning sickness.

We are going to try to make things work, but I am gutted to the core. It is not something that was said in the heat of a row, just in a "let's have a chat about what is wrong" talk.

I feel really upset - he is even talking about separating, and that his mum has offered to lend him money to get a deposit on a rented flat. We bought our forever home in October, and no way can I afford to pay the mortgage myself. I feel lost. I appreciate he is entitled to his own feelings, and to express these, but it doesn't hurt any less that he (a) is contemplating abandoning his pregnant wife and (b) has said he regrets the baby.

If he wants to separate, which he has said will be the case if our plan to improve things doesn't work, I really have no idea what will happen. I know this is a lot of what ifs, but the fact he has said how much he regrets all this, and that in his head he is at the stage where he has spoken to his mum who has offered him money, suggests that his mind may be made up already.

I think I just need some hand holding. He is/was my best friend, my happy ever after, only now it doesn't feel so much like that.

OP posts:
whosthis · 05/02/2013 17:57

Agree with WordyBird , I also sense it sort of personality flaw, but a very fundamental one. It seems he have issues to deal with the reality as well. I DO NOT mean to find excuse for his behavior, but rather want to highlight it to you that it's fundamental and wouldn't improve by you (no matter how much you want to change for him).

The perfect man doesn't exist and perhaps never exists. WordyBird's right. What he did/said only means one thing: He doesn't care in his guts. He might convince himself to bend his own will to give way to you. But it wouldn't last and eventually he would blame you for everything.

wavesandsmiles · 05/02/2013 19:33

Just a quck update as back in hospital, typing left handed on phone due to cannula site. Likely to be here a few days so not too happy but at least I have space from mind games!

To clarify, ow is not the mother of his DCs but someone he apparently dated for 2 months some time between leaving DSS mum and meeting me.....

OP posts:
tiredteddy · 05/02/2013 19:39

Waves. Just a hug x

duende · 05/02/2013 20:03

Hi waves, hope you get some rest and feel better. Do you have something to read/ watch? How are your DCs doing?

Midwife99 · 05/02/2013 20:06

Oh no Waves!! I'm so sorry! Does your mum have the kids? I would phone STBXH & tell him that he now has the space to move out into that flat he & his mother were talking about & that you want him gone by the time you get out of hospital!!

wordyBird · 05/02/2013 20:11

Oh no, poor you ((hug))
... maybe you will get some rest there, I do hope so.
Have a virtual Brew and Biscuit

  • and remember we're all thinking of you....
GaryBuseysTeeth · 05/02/2013 20:15

A giant, squishy hug for you waves, I'm sorry things are this bad again.
Hope you get some decent sleep.
xxx

whosthis · 05/02/2013 20:15

Sorry to know you have to stay in the hospital for a few days, waves! But the good side as you said, you have some space of your own and free from the mind games! Also I am pretty sure Mumsnetters here feel relieved that you are taken good care of there!

Can you manage to look for a good lawyer when you are there? Probably make an appointment to see him/her after you come out?

Please make sure to ask your friends for help. It's in the best interests of your children and yourself.

Hugs!

MomaP · 05/02/2013 20:23

Just sat and read this whole thread.
I have no advice, but just wanted to assure you that you're a strong, lovely lady and despite all the hurt you are/will go through - I know you will come out of this in the end, happier and a winner.

Hand holding, here if you need anything and you should be so, very proud of yourself.

Brew Brew - Mumsnet cuddle.

MumVsKids · 05/02/2013 20:40

I'm so sorry for what you're going through op, please look after yourself and your baby.

You will get unlimited hand holding and advice here, so keep posting, and I hope you manage to get a decent rest in hospital.

Very unmny hugs too (((((((hug))))))

bamboozled · 05/02/2013 21:02

Sorry you are having a such an awful time, grapes and Thanks for while you are in hospital x

ThePinkOcelot · 05/02/2013 21:06

Awwww, you are back in! Have another hug (((()))). At least you are away from that selfish, entitled bastard! Hope you can have some much needed rest. xxxx

Jux · 05/02/2013 21:17

Oh, Waves you need a big big hug. TBH, I'm glad you're somewhere where you will be properly looked after. Has your mum got the children?

If h comes in doing the wonderful h act, I don't suppose you'd feel able to make a few public comments like "shame he's not like this at home, I might not have had to come back in", "don't believe everything you see" to anyone who might comment about him, etc? It would not be unreasonable for you to do so, but you may feel it's not 'you'. Be true to yourself.

Grapes, and Thanks to you. Get a good rest and regain strength. Thinking of you.

JaxTellerIsMyFriend · 05/02/2013 21:48

poor you - but at least you will be looked after properly in hospital. Sending non sicky hugs to you.

Kittenkatzen · 05/02/2013 22:14

Oh waves you poor bugger SadSad. I know you're missing your kids but do try and make the most of the opportunity to rest properly and the space away from dickforbrains and his ridiculous mindfuckery. Sending you Thanks and Brew

Catmint · 05/02/2013 22:24

OP, just wanted to send you some more support and hope you feel better soon so you can deal with all the stuff. xxx

badinage · 05/02/2013 22:33

To clarify, ow is not the mother of his DCs but someone he apparently dated for 2 months some time between leaving DSS mum and meeting me.....

A likely story Hmm

I bet he left for the current OW and that's why the kids mum is so angry with him. He probably dumped OW to get with you, which is why she says she knows he's a wanker, but loves him anyway. Silly, silly woman.

Hope you can rest up and get the right care. At least it also means you get some space away from him, but yes I'm sure you miss the kids.

Undertone · 05/02/2013 22:40

I had a bit of a Blue Peter moment and made a protest sign to upload onto my profile. the words have gone all funny but i think my Rage Face speaks volumes. Just getting ready for the picket line.

grumblinalong · 05/02/2013 22:43

Been following but better advice from other's regarding your bastard H. However I have practical advice re hyperemesis as I've had full pregnancy HG 3 times. Insist consultant tries you on Ondansetron through IV. Didn't work for me but really help end my sister. V.expensive so they will be reluctant but fight for it. Take great care of yourself. X

RememberingMyPFEs · 05/02/2013 22:46

What badinage said!

Ps undertone love the sign and the face! Grin

lalalonglegs · 05/02/2013 22:47

Oooh, excellent angry face Undertone. I applaud the sentiment (even if I couldn't make out the word before "floozie").

Undertone · 05/02/2013 22:54

Lala - it's "rancid"! Underused word - so richly brimming with meaning.

lalalonglegs · 05/02/2013 22:58

"Rancid" is a very good choice, much more contemptuous than skanky or crap. Well done.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 06/02/2013 00:05

'Floozie' great word woefully underused. Nice sign Undertone.

Waves perhaps for the best you are tucked up in hospital, much as you miss your DCs you need looking after. Try and rest and get nourishment down you.

Tortoiseonthehalfshell · 06/02/2013 00:06

What is his side of the story re his ex-partner? Did she 'change' after they had children? Become demanding?

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