tomorrow I hand over my children to the OW for the first time

[chocoreturns]

I don't know what else to say, just need a hand hold tonight.

OW and STBXH are now house hunting 15 mins from my house, and spending EOW with my baby and DS. They have been lying about her being there right up until today. I finally reached the end of my tether, while listening to DS1 tell me all about house hunting with OW all day, having been told he was with only his dad and granny.

So I called STBXH and told him I'm over it, it's time to stop pretending I'm an ogre who can't bear to meet her, and to bring her to handover. If she's going to be on my doorstep and having my children in her home, I need to know who she is. She took my baby DS2 swimming with his dad today - it was his first swim. I am far beyond anger now and I'm just sad about it all :(

Not sure what to say to her, but I would like to take her to one side when STBXH is putting the kids in the car, and say look - I know you and I aren't going to be friends, but my children are my priority, and I need to know they are safe and happy when they're not with me. If you ever don't know what to do, or you're on your own with them and you think they need me, please know that it's ok to call me and I'll be fine with you. Then give her my number.

Is that mad? Or sensible and mature?

This is a moment I need a mumsnet straw poll :(

[chocoreturns]

STBXH and his step dad just dropped off the baby. STBXH dipped out straight away, his step dad stopped just long enough to give me a kiss on the cheek and ask if I was ok, I nodded and he said 'no you're not'. I asked quickly if it was all ok at home? He said 'mm, shellshocked - I'll speak to you later'.

I honestly have no idea how it would have gone down, but I will probably find out one way or another. Feel a bit sad and shaky but you're all right. It's done. I'll ignore the phone number for several weeks but if I don't hear from her (which I doubt I will really) sometime in this month I'll prob send something inoffensive about the children (a how are they? or something when they are off with them maybe the time after next) just to make sure that the lines of communication really are open now.

I do need to draw a line under it now and just focus on the kids, as I intend to. Bloody horrible to have a face to the name again properly - makes her all the more real again.

Honestly you lot are stars. Bloody marvellous how MNetters help you through a day like today

[Arithmeticulous]

What tone was the 'no you're not' ok in?

[tribpot]

Glad the baby's home. I really don't think you should plan on texting but there's plenty of time to consider that once this weekend's farce is finally done.

[Midwife99]

Hopefully step dad will fill you in but meanwhile a big cyber hug from us all. What was she like? Physically anything like you perchance?

[onedev]

I've only seen this thread, but you sound amazing. Well done! Onwards & upwards for you. All the best

[Binfullofmaggotsonth45]

You sound amazing Choc and I think you've carried yourself with dignity here.

As long as they remain neutral about any misguided feelings they have about you in front of your children then who gives a monkeys what they think. You have been completely decent about the whole thing.

Now go and make a nice relax and polish your hard earned halo!

[Almostfifty]

I am astounded how you have managed to do this. What an unbelievable Mum you are.

[DuchessFanny]

Just want to say what a lovely mum you are ! I think you're amazing, well done !!

( must admit to snorting out loud to OW woe is me - twat !)

[DoingItForMyself]

Choco I love your end line "for many, many lone parents, parenting is a team of one, fielding a substitute bench of selfish fuckwits." You should write a book!

[Midwife99]

Lmao yes that's an absolute classic & that strikes a chord with many of us!!

[RambleOn]

I am a team of one, fielding a substitute bench of selfish fuckwits as well

You have behaved very maturely and sensibly, well done.

BUT sometimes in your/our position you need to be a teensy bit selfish. The swimming thing. Make a list of 'firsts' that you want to bag, and keep ticking them off the list.

[canuck43]

Choco was he upset about the children when he was shagging another woman in your bed, no.

[HanneHolm]

Choco you are ICE QUEEN

[HanneHolm]

Does she text or call you Choco?
Blimey

[Loonytoonie]

I'm full of admiration at your strength and integrity. Your DC are so lucky.

[MadamFolly]

Well done Choco, can't wait for SD's update.

[Doha]

Choco

I have been following your original thread-Blog and now lurking on this thread.
You have come such a long way since the start of all this..
You are a lady and an absolute star.

Your Ds's Sprout and Bean will be an absolute credit to you and will be proud to have you as their mum.

Much respect to the way you handled yourself today and throughout this mess

[DontEvenThinkAboutIt]

OP, I love how you have a good rant but then pull back and do the right thing. You are admirable, eloquent and sensible. [bunch]
I hope everything works out.

[DontEvenThinkAboutIt]

Doh!
Not [bunch]. ...... I meant

[Binfullofmaggotsonth45]

You know, the first things to do with DC are memorable only if you make them that way. Everything you do with your DC is a first for you, and you will no doubt make sure they have the most amazing time.

So don't worry about them trying to "out do" you on first experience things that your dc will love doing with you - simply because you are their mum and a great one at that.

[lunar1]

Choco, you really are a hero!

[MusicForTheMasses]

Choco, you are an inspiration! xx