tomorrow I hand over my children to the OW for the first time

[chocoreturns]

I don't know what else to say, just need a hand hold tonight.

OW and STBXH are now house hunting 15 mins from my house, and spending EOW with my baby and DS. They have been lying about her being there right up until today. I finally reached the end of my tether, while listening to DS1 tell me all about house hunting with OW all day, having been told he was with only his dad and granny.

So I called STBXH and told him I'm over it, it's time to stop pretending I'm an ogre who can't bear to meet her, and to bring her to handover. If she's going to be on my doorstep and having my children in her home, I need to know who she is. She took my baby DS2 swimming with his dad today - it was his first swim. I am far beyond anger now and I'm just sad about it all :(

Not sure what to say to her, but I would like to take her to one side when STBXH is putting the kids in the car, and say look - I know you and I aren't going to be friends, but my children are my priority, and I need to know they are safe and happy when they're not with me. If you ever don't know what to do, or you're on your own with them and you think they need me, please know that it's ok to call me and I'll be fine with you. Then give her my number.

Is that mad? Or sensible and mature?

This is a moment I need a mumsnet straw poll :(

Also, probably a good thing you wouldn't describe your brother as sexy

!

Good point il trade the mini eggs for the Diazepam and pregablin. I need them gone, only lost 2lb this week.

Oh that's fantastic news choco! So delighted for you! And it just proves that karma is working it's magic for you... Onwards and upwards, the bastards can't drag you down when you're miles above them xx

So, you (figuratively speaking here) go into Drs Surgery, have a bit of an incident with someone and that person obviously knows your name as it gets called out. Next day they ring up and get given your address, et voila.............dead by psychopath - hardly good is it? idiots!

choco Sorry to hear that your date was a bit flat, and the dentist didn't light any fireworks, never mind, it will give you time to concentrate on your new business venture, and we all know how empowering making money is!!

bamboozled so pleased for you about the news re your back, I bet you wish you could dance, and you soon will be doing so. Do you want to trade your diclofenac for deNeuville chocs?

all this talk of prescription medication is making me queasy! I remember the days of boshing codeine like smarties (both my SPD pregnancies) very well. Despite the floaty head they always did make me feel a bit icky!

I could do with some matchmaking chezzie I fear your brother may get pimped out on this thread lol

I have had one of those interminable evenings, DS1 is still awake and rumbling around. We've had cuddles, stories, tellings off, shouty cross mummy, skyped Auntie to talk me back down from the precipice and cycled back around to cuddles and stories again.... but he STILL won't go to bed. In the meantime he's woken up the baby twice. I could happily smash my own head against the wall take a sleeping pill if only I knew someone else was watching them tonight! Ugh. This is the stuff parenting is made of.

Happy Valentines to you all. I hope that some of us at least have had more interesting shennanigans going on than re-reading Little Rabbit Goes To School all evening!

Well my valentines consisted of watching Thomas about 900 times, playing cars, drawing. Ds went to bed at 9pm and I bribed him with baby tv on my iPhone. I know I know it's shameful but it worked. Dp is fast on with dd sprawled across his chest again. Let them sleep, he did the nightshift with her last night so I could rest. I am lucky there but went through a lot if crap and found each other when we wernt looking so there is hope out there

Well I have been out tonight to watch the Ulster Kama Sutra.

Vair funny and quite risqué. The evening was much enhanced by the company of fab friends, with free drink and choccies.

heya did you get some rest, choco?

So the best Valentine goes to... My dd aged 10.
A boy in her year has a crush on her, so gave her for Valentine's day, out of his pocket, a knotted up little bundle of necklace. She came home, having kept it safe all day in her pencil case and said - Mummy, I'm not sure I should have this.... After much forensic unknotting and removing of pencil shavings, she was right... it was a TIFFANY'S diamond necklace that the lad had picked out of his mums jewellery box for his sweetheart!
Talk about setting the standard high for all her future boyfriends!
Obviously, it's going back to it's rightful home but it was so funny..

Ha Bamboozled, that is hilarious!

OMG Bamboozled!!! You must tell us what the owner of the necklace says when you return it!!!

that's me chuckle anyway. I'm are his mum was well chuffed.

OMG bamboozled lucky thing he gave it to a girl who is sensible enough to show her mum!! bless him!

I can't say I got much rest. Went to bed at 10pm, was up at 1am, 3am, 5am, 6am and then up for the day at 10 to 7. Pretty normal in my house :( anyone with tips on a) stopping breastfeeding and b) getting through controlled crying or similar to help DS2 learn to sleep through without the added bonus of him waking up DS1 all the time - please get in touch!

Feel flat today, and fed up. And knackered. But cheered up by you lot, as usual :) x

Oh you poor thing - its a form of torture isn't it. Hope the sun is shining where you are - it's trying to peek through the clouds here..
I always try and stand outside with my eyes shut and my face pointing at the sun, with however many layers it takes to not freeze, for a couple of minutes when I'm feeling battered by life...
Really hope your day improves xx

Maybe introduce a bottle of formula at bed-time? Not sure if that would mess up the whole supply & demand thing though. My DD was 11 months before she slept through the night, DS was 6 months - I clearly remember being absolutely euphoric when it finally happened.

I have always been very at people whose babies sleep through the night from no age.

oh you poor poor thing. DS1 woke like that right up to about 8 months, which was when 2 things happened: firstly, he started really eating a lot of solids, and secondly, he only got offered a sippy cup of water on waking, not boob (cos hey, who wouldn't wake for that?! BUFFET, baby! )
DH went in with a cup of water, would change him if he'd pooed and shh pat him back to calmness and eventually sleep.
He cried, I cried, I hated it. But I got through it. I have no idea how I would have done it alone. Grim, grim, grim.
{hugs}

Poor choco, the wakeful infant is like the Duracell bunny, limitless energy. After bedtime routine and quiet time you just long for them to crash out. Am sure you are making staying awake time as dull and boring as possible for DS1, no songs, no stories, dim light, mute mummy. Thank God for pc and Skype and the cheer of the concerned bystander!

Love the tale of DD's super duper Valentine's gift, bamboozled - are you sure you don't want to borrow it for just a tiny part of the weekend .

I've been trying to offer formula for months to varying degrees of success (ranging from screaming fury at the suggestion of a bottle coming out, to condescending to drink an ounce or two...) I'm fairly sure he's just not going to do it now in any meaningful way. He eats like a trojan, three enormous meals a day and snacks. I am at the point where I think the only answer is to let him cry at night until he learns to self settle, and I'm bracing myself for trying to do that. The only problem is that a) it kills me to hear him screaming like that and b) it wakes up DS1 leaving me with two screaming children under 3 so at 2am that feels impossible. I keep telling myself it's only a phase and it will pass. I know that I'll look back and probably not even remember it being that bad... also, now the prospect of a hot night of passion has disappeared I'm - how do I put it - a teeny bit less motivated lol

it is sunny here today thank goodness. We've been for a stomp through the park with the big double buggy and now the kids are at nana's for the afternoon so I can clean the bathrooms work on my business stuff.

Time for me to get my nose back to the grindstone and stop poncing about on mumnset!

hope you're all out enjoying some better weather today!

google dr jay gordan nightweaning - that was a blueprint for us.

Hi choco. Very long term supporter but rare poster. Think I was DesperatelySeekingDistraction last time I posted before baby bean was born. Have you tried Elizabeth Pantley's No Cry SleepSSolution? It is the middle ground between cry it out and co-sleeping. I can lend you my copy if you like, I may need you to post it back in a month or so when I try to move DD2 out of our room!

By the way, sleep or no sleep you rock!

sorry, that was curt because DS2 was waking up.

What I wanted to do was get more sleep at night, and because I was feeding DS1 back to sleep every time he woke (every 2-3 hours at least!) I thought maybe getting rid of the nice part about waking (boob!) would get rid of some of his 'need' to wake.

It did work. It was a horrible two weeks, though. And I've no idea how I'd do it if it woke another child, or if DH wasn't around. Grim grim grim. BUT easier for us than controlled crying because we were still there to soothe him back to sleep, just not offering the feed.
I hope you find something that works for you. That kind of sleep deprivation is just murderous.

Yes, the No Cry Sleep Solution can definitely help! I found it hard to read when knackered as I just wanted a 'push this button and things will get better' solution, which it isn't - you have to make adjustments to naps and timings and it's a slow, holistic solution - but it DOES remove the 'leave your child to scream for hours' part which (1) never ever worked with DS1 anyway, he worked himself UP with crying, not down and (2) breaks my soft old heart.

I found some of the advice on No Cry Sleep useful (some useless!) For toddlers the advice to learn to go to sleep alone at bedtime without feeding, being stroked etc was invaluable. So bath, milk downstairs, story & then kiss & door shut & goodnight. He will cry for approx 3 nights & then give up. With the baby I think it's wise to start introducing a cup asap. Do you want to give up BF now?