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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

tomorrow I hand over my children to the OW for the first time

999 replies

chocoreturns · 26/01/2013 22:44

I don't know what else to say, just need a hand hold tonight.

OW and STBXH are now house hunting 15 mins from my house, and spending EOW with my baby and DS. They have been lying about her being there right up until today. I finally reached the end of my tether, while listening to DS1 tell me all about house hunting with OW all day, having been told he was with only his dad and granny.

So I called STBXH and told him I'm over it, it's time to stop pretending I'm an ogre who can't bear to meet her, and to bring her to handover. If she's going to be on my doorstep and having my children in her home, I need to know who she is. She took my baby DS2 swimming with his dad today - it was his first swim. I am far beyond anger now and I'm just sad about it all :(

Not sure what to say to her, but I would like to take her to one side when STBXH is putting the kids in the car, and say look - I know you and I aren't going to be friends, but my children are my priority, and I need to know they are safe and happy when they're not with me. If you ever don't know what to do, or you're on your own with them and you think they need me, please know that it's ok to call me and I'll be fine with you. Then give her my number.

Is that mad? Or sensible and mature?

This is a moment I need a mumsnet straw poll :(

OP posts:

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 13/02/2013 23:14

Ooh DCs know how to wound Beryl am sure she'll be rating you Best Mum long before Mother's Day.

Shame about Mr Dentist choco but glad he was all right in spite of no wow factor and you had a sociable evening out.

chezziejo · 13/02/2013 23:21

Well at least you got a nice night out and you enjoyed yourself. Bamboozled I would live something from the medicine drawer. Can't really complain its nothing

chezziejo · 13/02/2013 23:23

Bloody phone. It's nothing on the scale of your back. Gawd knows why it just went.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 13/02/2013 23:38

Forgot to say sorry about chezziejo's back - not something you can easily soldier on with when it's sore.

Midwife99 · 14/02/2013 04:13

Ah well never mind - at least he was "nice" & you had a reasonably pleasant evening. Why oh why did Chippy have to be so damn hot? I still think he'll reappear when he's got a grip and manned up!!

saffronwblue · 14/02/2013 05:23

Nothing wrong with hanging out with a nice guy and remembering that the whole gender is not like STBXH. Hope everybody's back is better.

Original poster

chocoreturns · 14/02/2013 06:37

dear God. I would like children who sleep, please. For more than 90 minutes each.

And what is with the endless teething poo but no teeth??

Ugh. I'm not sure dating has been a good enough payoff yet for the insanely broken nights I seem to be getting from the kids right now.

OP posts:

blackcurrants · 14/02/2013 07:21

my poor dear, I dont have anything useful to add except you are not alone. and WILL pass. a few 8pm bedtimes may help? I read till 9:30 last night (get me!) and this is DS2's first wake (2:30) so I am feeling almost human. hoping you get through today, maybe with a nap and certainly with a solid night's sleep ahead!

Midwife99 · 14/02/2013 07:25

It's torture isn't it? That first 2 18 years is a fog. You've achieved so much these last few months which is amazing. Could grandma have the baby one day while big boy is at nursery & you have a complete slob out? Sleep, munch, sleep?

bamboozled · 14/02/2013 08:23

Totally unrelated but oh my goodness... Sent both my dds valentine cards, in the post but really really disguised my writing on dd-12's card, as I suddenly thought maybe this is the year it might matter if you get on or don't get one at school... So they found them on the doormat, opened them and she said Mummy, the one you sent me hadn't arrived yet, dd10's has, but LOOK - showing me the card, looking all twinkly and pink -
Just so so lovely!!!!

bamboozled · 14/02/2013 08:28

Choco,just seen my post last night never left my Iphone! Sorry date wasn't more zingy, but its good to practice your going out skills on Phil the drill and snogging on Chip so that it all isn't too stressful anyway! Sorry about the crappy nights sleep too!
Pulp fiction style injections have worked wonders - I'm almost like a normal person today!

chezziejo · 14/02/2013 08:58

Ah the sleepless nights. Dd 12 weeks only woke once last night for her bottle. I couldn't do breast feeding, I never mastered the art she was ng feed at ten days old too poor thing. Ds 2.8 also chose last night to have a bedtime meltdown. Dp slept downstairs with baby tho so I could rest or roughly translated to get away from whining probably why she slept well sprawled on daddy's chest.

I shall now stop whining about my back as it is minor compared to bamboozled. It probably caused by moving old people up beds while always following the correct manual handling procedures naturally.

Will you be seeing Phil again at all just to tide you over as it were

BewitchedBotheredandBewildered · 14/02/2013 09:11

Oh, shame about Phil, will you see him again? He might have some nice friends.
Sleepless nights are the pits, I really feel for you, all of you

Original poster

chocoreturns · 14/02/2013 09:15

it is torture yes, but a skype to my sister followed by dancing with DS1 to the crazy frog video has cheered me up a bit :) I still look like I've been dragged through a hedge backwards! Ahh bamboozled that's ace! bless her.

I don't think I'll see the dentist again unless it's as friends, we really spent the night talking about work and kids and stuff and I would totally hang out with him as a friend but definitely nothing more. It would feel weird to go on a second date knowing I feel precisely zilch zing.

Tell me why it's a bad idea to text Chip today with a friendly 'hey how are you? fancy a bloody good shag?' because I'm sorely tempted!!

OP posts:

Original poster

chocoreturns · 14/02/2013 09:16

ps DS2 just cut another tooth. How do I know this? Because he nearly drew blood chomping on a wayward finger of mine. OUCH!!

OP posts:

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 14/02/2013 09:21

If you were my teen DD choco and someone she'd liked very much had dropped off the face of the earth regarding any kind of contact, with her the blameless party, after a couple of very promising dates, I would counsel her against running after him.
So no, don't do it.

chezziejo · 14/02/2013 09:23

At least it was a finger.
It would be nice to keep Phil as a mate but of its a bloody good shag your after then I'm sure chip would respond, but it may be best to leave it for now. Ive got a brother who's looking and well off. He works away a lot too so not in ya face

Original poster

chocoreturns · 14/02/2013 09:26

wise council donkeys

chezzie where is this bit of crumpet brother you speak of? lol

OP posts:

chezziejo · 14/02/2013 09:32

Currently on route from Norway to Derbyshire hehe. Can't promise he wouldn't remove your ex's head if he knew what he was like. Possibly a win win situation

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 14/02/2013 09:54

Can't promise he wouldn't remove your ex's head if he knew what he was like.

Sounds like a keeper! let matchmaking commence

bamboozled · 14/02/2013 09:57

Yes yes, bring on the sexy brother......
And Chezzie - back pain is crap, however you get it, I don't have the monopoly on it - don't be daft!! [opens drawer of delights and proffers pills...]

Midwife99 · 14/02/2013 09:58

Perfect in every way then!!

AgathaF · 14/02/2013 10:00

Around every corner ....

chezziejo · 14/02/2013 10:06

I wouldn't describe him as sexy. Boak.

I took a cocktail of cocodamol, Brufen and cadburys mini eggs at 4 am. Anything stronger gratefully received. Any oromorph?
Strange things backs, probably stems from a car accident years ago. Always goes in the same spot.

bamboozled · 14/02/2013 10:13

I've got diazepam, pregabalin (dulls nerve endings), diclofenac, this chilli cream and a drawer full of cocodamol to trade for your mini eggs -
Am high as a kite most of the time [and am in normal life a really boring cow who never even smoked a joint!]

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