tomorrow I hand over my children to the OW for the first time

[chocoreturns]

I don't know what else to say, just need a hand hold tonight.

OW and STBXH are now house hunting 15 mins from my house, and spending EOW with my baby and DS. They have been lying about her being there right up until today. I finally reached the end of my tether, while listening to DS1 tell me all about house hunting with OW all day, having been told he was with only his dad and granny.

So I called STBXH and told him I'm over it, it's time to stop pretending I'm an ogre who can't bear to meet her, and to bring her to handover. If she's going to be on my doorstep and having my children in her home, I need to know who she is. She took my baby DS2 swimming with his dad today - it was his first swim. I am far beyond anger now and I'm just sad about it all :(

Not sure what to say to her, but I would like to take her to one side when STBXH is putting the kids in the car, and say look - I know you and I aren't going to be friends, but my children are my priority, and I need to know they are safe and happy when they're not with me. If you ever don't know what to do, or you're on your own with them and you think they need me, please know that it's ok to call me and I'll be fine with you. Then give her my number.

Is that mad? Or sensible and mature?

This is a moment I need a mumsnet straw poll :(

Did you have a better night Choco?
X

hi all

no better nights. Hideous, awful tiredness setting in. I actually slammed doors and nearly cried with frustration today because DS1 wouldn't go to the toilet before leaving the house. I just can't cope with the (literal) pissing around after night after night of crap, sleepless, shitty unrestfulness.

If I had the energy to read a book I would. However I'm at the praying for a magic bullet stage right now. I just realised I didn't email something pretty crucial to the people I met on Tues re: work, which should have got to them end of last week. I just really hope it doesn't matter :( feel like crap :(

Can you email it now? So it's on their desk first thing Monday?

Sorry you're feeling so bad. It's no surprise that they use sleep deprivation as a form of torture. Hope something clicks for your ds and he sleeps soon.

Oh hun it must be dreadful. Could your mum help one night a week by having DS1 at least?

Hi, long time lurker here. I'm sure you'll have received loads of advice re sleep.

I found help.babysleepanswers.co.uk/ immensly helpful with all my dcs.

There is a book for you to read but they also offer one to one online advice that does actually work, and is adapted to your own parenting style.

I know others have mentioned other options as well but this one definitely worked for us!

Choco..I've followed your story but never posted. I heart you.
I have to ru but what helped me with ebf DD and sleeping was when she was about 10 months and waking all the fucking time a lot what I did was a form of shhh pat.
I put her in her cot and patted her bum ryhthmically and shhh'ed (and sort of held her quite firmly so she didn't get up all the time IYSWIM). She screaed blue murder (so not great for sleeping sibling..altho it didn't wake my DS) for 20 mins and then passed out. And slept all night. It took a few nights of rapidly decreasing crying until I could put her in her cot and she'd drop straight off and sleep all night, or if she woke I could shh pat her back to sleep in a few minutes. If she woke I never offered boob (althouh continued with daytime boob). It was a form of CC I suppose or even CIO but it didn't feel awful as I was there the whole time patting/stroking and shhing.....might help...?

Good advice goodtobetter!

Sorry, never got back online to post that I was sorry you were having a crappy run of nights...
Keeping my fingers crossed that tonight is better... Dd2 didn't sleep though til she was 9, yup, that's NINE and we bought 2 kittens to sleep in her room... Dd1 had said if she had to share with her sis who got up all night, every night, bed hopping, any more she would leave home!!
It smelt like a zoo - but it worked...
Hopefully, you'll find what works for you, soon xx

Ds2 was like that - when he got to 5 we put a lock on our bedroom door & despite hammering on the door at night we wouldn't let him in (unless he was ill or upset of course) He slept on the landing a fair few nights!!

ok, I'm awake and coping (ish). Last night was a kind of breaking point for me. I went to bed at 8.30pm. Was woken at 10pm, 11pm, 1am (feeding the baby) 1.50am (toddler unable to sleep alone) stayed awake in various places with toddler trying to get him settled in his bed/my bed/any sodding bed until 4am. Baby woke to feed at 4.30am and got up for the day at 6.20am.

Went to bed at 8.30pm yet still achieved only 5 hours of sleep, broken into 30-90 minute stretches.

I don't actually care as much about whether I agree with CIO, I don't in principle but in reality I am going to be crying it out, curled up in a corner if if doesn't end soon. I will shhh-pat the baby and withdraw the boob. I will get a stairgate for the toddlers bedroom door, and hang the star lamp on the wall where he can play with it all by himself. I will get earplugs for myself

Work will have to be taken care of tonight, no matter what else happens. I think mainlining some coffee is the best option, along with a politely apologetic email to arrive when they get to their office on Monday... ugh. WAHM lifestyle = no balance! I need to find a way to fund an out-of-the-home office. There is a gorgeous one going in town for £150 a month, and I think it's time to consider taking it on... I can't expect to do ok if I don't create some dedicated work space.

sorry, I forgot to say, you are all wonderful, thank you for the advice and encouragement - it really helps x

Bless you. I truly don't know how you are soon it on your own. I'm evil when tired. Dd only 12 week old so still waking in night. I have no idea where you are but would be happy to help you out if I could. I'm still suffering at the hands of an ex 4 years on and we didnt have kids together. I can feel it making me ill again but he won't win the toss pot. I'm praying that karma believes in dishing out knob rot.

How's the back Bamboozled?

Pity party alert -
What's the best thing you could have when you've a bad back - an f'ing chest infection...
Thought I was having a reaction to the drugs, turned out that it was an enormous fever that meant I was shivering and coughing and wheezing -
Am lying in bed snivelling... Dr B has reached his limit and is stomping around (I might stab him soon, as while I was half dead last night, he insisted on watching the rugby he had sky plused...)
He's not good with illness at home, being surrounded by it all day at work, and I'm amazed he's been as good as he has been so far, but I think as far as patience goes, he's reached his zenith...
Kids have just started half term and I won worst mother award as when I asked them to Hoover yesterday afternoon, as I cant and we have 2 dogs and 2 cats = house awash with animal hair, hey rolled their eyes. I shouted at them and told them they were spoilt little brats and if they didn't shape up, I was going to put their beloved Uggs on the Woodburner - (classy eh?)
Might as well shoot me - you'll find me in a Findus lasagne...

I think their might be too much drugs in your system for find us I'm afraid. That bloody chest infection has been going round. On the plus side I'm glad it's not just me feeling sorry for themselves. On that note I'm off to put the kettle on. Mind the shame of it is my gran hoovered up for me the other day and I've just found out as got shingles. She's 83 bless her. I told her not too but she wouldn't have it. Hangs head in shame.

Secretly giggling at uggs on the wood burner. Ee back in my day I wasn't allowed out until I'd done my share of the housework.

Reading that post I look completely illiterate. I blame the phone.

Oh, I just thought you'd been at the gin...
Love the idea of the 83 yr old granny doing the hoovering too!
Hope everyone's days improve!

I'm sorry things have got worse bamboozled I'll send a get well wish your way... and good on your gran chezzie!

My day has not improved. I've just heard from my mum, who heard from MIL on friday, that T&T got their jobs. I can look forwards to their arrival in a matter of months, if not weeks [boak]

I am struggling to find anything good about this situation. Can't believe the twat didn't even tell me himself. Apparently I'm not on the 'need to know' list.

Today I am particularly upset about the OW aspect. I've been able to ignore her more or less until now. Now the reality that she will be seeing the kids, and no doubt they will expect to be taking them to their own home from the start... and they want them overnight... I just feel sickened. I can't help re-running what she said to me about not seeing the point in apologising. She really doesn't care about what they did. Twunt said (in the immediate aftermath) that it was none of my business what he did in his (err, our?) house and didn't need to apologise... the pair of them just make me want to vomit. I am dreading the new status quo.

Well this has turned out to be a shit weekend.

Room at your pity party for one more bamboozled?

Argh choco, you poor thing, that sleep deprivation is a bugger!
I hope you manage to get your work done - I know how hard that is too, with a small baby. I have 3 final year projects to mark before the end of Feb (and should be doing those instead of being on MN, of course)

Bamboozled, also argh! for chest infection - just exactly what you don't need when your back's wrecked! Hope it all clears up soon. And your DC rolling their eyes at you? Cheek!

(It's Thumbwitch, btw - just fancied a Discworld namechange :) )

[rolls over on the sofa and shares tissues and tv remote]
Come on in...
That's just f'ing horrible. I'm so sorry.
I don't think, from a legal point of view, that you need to let them have them overnight. I remember my solicitor being amazed that I had let mine go overnight, and they were 18 months and just 3. But I had set precedent by allowing it for a year before starting the legal stuff.
My extwunt didn't tell me either when he moved 1.5 miles from my house, dd1 pointed it out as we drove past it, l

Fuck, sorry, xposted (took too long to post that) - that's fucking awful, so sorry. :(

I suppose the only upside is that you might get more sleep - but how are they going to have them both overnight if you're still EBF? Mind you, if you stop EBF then I suppose it will be easier for them to have DS2. :( again.

I nearly drove off the road. I felt utterly violated by this - but at the end if the day it saved the kiddos being in the car for 3 hrs on M25 at the weekend (which also freaked me out). It took me a long time to feel ok about it still don't really but at least I'm not living with the fucker.
Best of luck with the day xx

Hi Choco. Hope you are not feeling too tired. I remember it well. I remember people asking if I was ill as I looked so awful from lack of sleep. Thankfully once she settled down she did become a really good sleeper.

Does DS1 have a CD player? I used to find that playing nursery rhymes would send DD back to sleep very quickly as a toddler. Nice soothing lullabies.

So they got their jobs then :( . i know it hurts and I know how hard it is to be without the boys, but maybe look on overnight access as a break that you really need at the moment. Let T&T have a few sleepless nights to interrupt their life while you get some much needed sleep. Let her see the reality of life with kids. It's not easy though. I'm currently missing DD like hell and she is away tonight too as its half term.

Your Twunt really is a total moron isn't he. Would he have applied the same logic to you if he had found you in bed with someone? It was ZoK as it was your house?!

Hold on to the thought as I do, that what goes around comes around and it won't last....

I can see why you would want office space and it is tax deductible but make sure that you can afford it as once you sign the lease you will be tied to it. anal accountant speaking now although £150 a month is cheap for office space. A lot are at least £50 a week if not more.. Does that include all rates elec and water or would you have other bills too?

I will PM my phone number, sorry haven't done that yet.! :)

Bamboozled - hope you feel better soon!

Bloody hell he is horrible and I feel so angry on your behalf at the moment. But it will be months before he wants them over night as they will need lots of time to settle in. Be prepared for him to mess you around a lot in this period.

Oh Hun what a shit weekend. Sleep will help you cope with anything those complete & utter bastards throw at you. I got so sick of DD4 waking 4 times a night when she was 7 months & stuffing down 3 huge meals a day plus snacks & I was due back at work in only 7 weeks that I went "cold turkey" & did controlled crying with no milk. 1 night of hell - slept through on night 2!! I felt guilty but it was that or lose the plot & be incapable of being safe when back at work. It's hard but you must do it for your own sanity. Regarding the twuntdom twins - I guess the overnight idea has pluses & minuses. A night once a fortnight to give you some sleep & a night out while introducing a bit of trouble in paradise for them versus letting that cow get her hands on your beautiful babies. Either way - IT'S YOUR CHOICE NOT THEIRS.

Choco, what shit news.

Remember, sleep deprivation is a form of torture, and it would take a flipping saint to try to look on the bright side of things, but I think that's all you can try to do to lessen the pain.

If they want to do overnights (which I think yours are too small to do at the moment), at least you would get some sleep. Even during the EOW arrangement at present, you could use it to catch up on sleep (and switch off the phone so they need to buy new trousers if DS2 leaks, not return him to you).

T&T have both behaved dreadfully towards you, and the lack of apology is just evidence of their arrogance, but what is done is done. You can't change it. Would you really want to still be with twunt, now that you have seen him for what he is? And he'll do the same to turtlehead in time. But you need to rise above it all and focus on yourself, your 2 lovely DC, your fantastic business opportunity ? It's shit having 2 such tiny DC with hardly any support, but you will get through it. Honestly, you are amazing. {{{hug}}}