Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2 ··· 19 20 21 ··· 39 40

Original poster

tomorrow I hand over my children to the OW for the first time

999 replies

chocoreturns · 26/01/2013 22:44

I don't know what else to say, just need a hand hold tonight.

OW and STBXH are now house hunting 15 mins from my house, and spending EOW with my baby and DS. They have been lying about her being there right up until today. I finally reached the end of my tether, while listening to DS1 tell me all about house hunting with OW all day, having been told he was with only his dad and granny.

So I called STBXH and told him I'm over it, it's time to stop pretending I'm an ogre who can't bear to meet her, and to bring her to handover. If she's going to be on my doorstep and having my children in her home, I need to know who she is. She took my baby DS2 swimming with his dad today - it was his first swim. I am far beyond anger now and I'm just sad about it all :(

Not sure what to say to her, but I would like to take her to one side when STBXH is putting the kids in the car, and say look - I know you and I aren't going to be friends, but my children are my priority, and I need to know they are safe and happy when they're not with me. If you ever don't know what to do, or you're on your own with them and you think they need me, please know that it's ok to call me and I'll be fine with you. Then give her my number.

Is that mad? Or sensible and mature?

This is a moment I need a mumsnet straw poll :(

OP posts:

Skyebluesapphire · 04/02/2013 00:24

Glad your second date went well. You deserve a bit of fun, happiness and respect.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 04/02/2013 00:32

Choco are you blushing - good for you!

Cheering stories from other mums and proof they've readjusted and in spite of twunt exes, are still standing tall and proud and keeping DCs secure and stable.

Toddle · 04/02/2013 01:19

I think it's about time for me to stop stalking you and leave a message!

I've been following your first threads, blog and have just read this entire thread while ds (8m also teething ) hopefully feeds back to sleep eats me alive

I think you are such a inspiration. You are such a special woman and mother. You have acted with far more dignity then they deserve. I'm sure the school would accept him as a exception without a trial. You should feel so proud that this is the situation, with what you have had to deal with over the last year. It could easily have been a different story and have had a huge effect on him.

I wish you and the boys much luck, love and laughter in the future. It's not for everyone but I believe in Khama and I think you will reap the rewards of how you have handled yourself, the boys and the situation so brilliantly

KeatsiePie · 04/02/2013 06:43

Hi, have been lurking as I have no help to offer, but wanted to offer you my congratulations on how beautifully you've handled all this. Read your previous thread too. You've acted with such integrity. I hope you're proud of yourself, as your sons one day will be!

AgathaF · 04/02/2013 07:46

Pleased you had another great date .

laffaminute · 04/02/2013 07:51

I have followed both threads and read your fantastic blog, though I have not posted before. I just wanted to add my admiration.

Very relieved to read that you are working on being able to make better choices of men. You are such a lovely person, you deserve a good man.

As someone who survived living with a narcissistic mother, I wanted to suggest that you consider limiting the contact your precious children have with mr evil their dad. Especially as his DF has a similar personality. Although it's not an inherited trait, your DSs will have much less chance of either turning out like their dad if they don't see him ever often.

You are a very kind and fair person, dare I say it, too fair?

AnyFucker · 04/02/2013 08:53

I shall simply lurk on this thread until choco informs us that she has taken my advice re. New man

cheeseandpineapple · 04/02/2013 10:52

3-4 more dates before taking AF's advice? You're very chaste sensible Choco!

bamboozled · 04/02/2013 16:24

Have you had smiley feedback from your date :-) When is the next one?

Wereonourway · 04/02/2013 16:29

Could someone be as kind to post a link to choco's blog please??
I've searched to no avail, sorry if I missed it.

BerylStreep · 04/02/2013 16:31

blog

trustissues75 · 04/02/2013 16:35

"My only response is that I totally disagree with a great deal that you say. However I have no interest in arguing with someone who's mind can't be changed. I'm not going to allow how I feel about you to impact how I approach caring for our sons."

My fickwit of an ex could have written this...in fact he HAS written something almost exactly the same. Arrogant, self-righteous, self-important wankers. Talk is cheap.

Choco - I've read this thread with interest and I have to say you are a far better woman than I. If fuckwit Ex DARED bring the OW (the one who giggles in the background while Ex is flaming me down the phone and then talking about me to her whilst I'm STILL on the phone in a disparaging and mocking tone) and she dared even LOOK at DS I honestly don't think I'd be responsible for my actions.

Original poster

chocoreturns · 04/02/2013 16:43

lots of smiley feedback :) but as I'm the first person he's dated after a year single, having parted with his wife of 12 years, I think we both need to take it slow and just enjoy ourselves without being too intense... I get that lovely fluttery feeling thinking about him. Not sure yet if it's just him, or partly also that it's so nice to feel like more than a mum and a rejected spouse! Obviously I know I'm more than that, but it's still nice to be told (and shown )

hello you de-lurkers! Thanks for the well wishes. It is incredibly powerful knowing so many people are out there wishing me and willing me forwards. I feel far less alone and upset when I remember the wonderful advice and support I've been given here.

Nothing else has been forthcoming from Twunt's end. I'll assume he's not done anything, but will be asking at nursery at drop off tomorrow to find out if he's been in touch. At the present time he's not even on the approved list of people to collect DS1 from there, as he's never bothered to go in with ID etc so he can!

OP posts:

Original poster

chocoreturns · 04/02/2013 16:46

x-post trustissues - it IS cheap. I know only too well how easily the arrogant self-righteous act plays out. I guess that's why after a year now I feel like it's only so much water off a ducks back, because that's precisely all it is. Nothing changes in how he approaches the boys. The various attempts to put me down or bully me into submission have been far less effective since I started the Freedom course... have you got anything like that near you? It's definitely not only for people who have been hit by a partner. EA counts!!

OP posts:

activatetherhythm · 04/02/2013 16:48

Wow Choco, I've just gone onto your blog and am totally choked up after reading just a few entries. I love your attitude. The way you talk about your children has really made me well up...off for a read and a weep. You are amazing.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 04/02/2013 16:49

Twunts like him usually shout very loudly about being "ENTITLED" to this or that, cue indignant posturing and much beating of chest. Ho hum.

On to better things:
Choco and Mystery Man,
Sitting in a tree, etc etc.

porridgeLover · 04/02/2013 16:59

          Choco choco,             rah rah rah.

no pictures please We dont want to frighten the children

AnyFucker · 04/02/2013 17:14

I have a ladder in my American Tights from high kicking around this thread

Midwife99 · 04/02/2013 18:49

For some reason this choon is going round & round in my head!!
"Na Na Na Na - Can't Touch Dis!"

ScarletWomanoftheVillage · 04/02/2013 19:02

= You are right. I cannot think of a single argument against what you say.

bamboozled · 05/02/2013 17:11

Now Choco - am sitting here with unutterable back pain, I demand more details that will make us all do the American Tan CanCan, or small
Person cuteness will equally entertain me..
(to make you laugh, when I asked the previously mentioned fuckwit to pick the kiddos up from school yesterday and have them for the night as I was being rushed in for an MRI in London, he replied.. [Wait for it] ..Let me just check my diary so I am not double booking myself this evening..

Original poster

chocoreturns · 05/02/2013 19:31

hahaha well in the spirit of easing your backpain bamboozled let me see what I can do.

Small person cuteness... well, DS1 was watching me put on some moisturiser yesterday morning and asked if he could have some. I told him little boys don't really wear make-up (it was tinted) and he looked at me very seriously and said:
"but I need it Mummy"
me, "Why darling?"
"because I want to be beautiful NOW Mummy!!!"

In the end I gave him a pressed powder puff to play with and some Nivea lip balm instead of lippy, which he was delighted with... he made me lift him up to the mirror to see if he was beautiful and was positively over the moon with his shiny lips.

Does anyone else think he may benefit from some more male figures in his life?

Speaking of which, not sure I have much dirt to dish yet on my new fella, however as you asked... when he came over on Sunday we did get a bit carried away at one point and it turns out he can lift me bodily without flinching very easily, which was a nice surprise. (Twunt was never in that kind of shape!!) I'm rather looking forwards to seeing what else he can do now . And as for a few more dates, well a little anticipation is good for the soul (and allows time for a proper bikini wax, getting my legs de-fuzzed and all those other annoying things I've not bothered with for a year haha) Did I mention he's a carpenter? Good with their hands, don't you know... Third date tomorrow night. I'll report back if there's anything juicy to tell (for AnyFucker's benefit, at least!)

Hope your back feels better soon m'love x

OP posts:

AnyFucker · 05/02/2013 19:52

I can confirm good things about carpenters

Midwife99 · 05/02/2013 19:58

Can't wait for the latest instalment of "Confessions of a Carpenter" - phnarr phnarr! We want him throwing you over his shoulder at the very least!!

Midwife99 · 05/02/2013 20:00

BTW I have a photo of my 20 year old son breastfeeding a dolly when he was 2 & he turned out alright!

Flip

1 2 ··· 19 20 21 ··· 39 40