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Original poster

tomorrow I hand over my children to the OW for the first time

999 replies

chocoreturns · 26/01/2013 22:44

I don't know what else to say, just need a hand hold tonight.

OW and STBXH are now house hunting 15 mins from my house, and spending EOW with my baby and DS. They have been lying about her being there right up until today. I finally reached the end of my tether, while listening to DS1 tell me all about house hunting with OW all day, having been told he was with only his dad and granny.

So I called STBXH and told him I'm over it, it's time to stop pretending I'm an ogre who can't bear to meet her, and to bring her to handover. If she's going to be on my doorstep and having my children in her home, I need to know who she is. She took my baby DS2 swimming with his dad today - it was his first swim. I am far beyond anger now and I'm just sad about it all :(

Not sure what to say to her, but I would like to take her to one side when STBXH is putting the kids in the car, and say look - I know you and I aren't going to be friends, but my children are my priority, and I need to know they are safe and happy when they're not with me. If you ever don't know what to do, or you're on your own with them and you think they need me, please know that it's ok to call me and I'll be fine with you. Then give her my number.

Is that mad? Or sensible and mature?

This is a moment I need a mumsnet straw poll :(

OP posts:
AgathaF · 01/02/2013 08:46

What an inglorious start to the day Smile

Midwife99 · 01/02/2013 09:01

TOO EARLY!!!! Wonder how T&T will cope with all that? They can't even manage wet trousers!! Hope you get a nap ASAP!! X

SpicedGingerTea · 01/02/2013 09:13

"It's like I come off the adrenaline rush, feel pretty feckin awful for a day or two and then get all fired up to make sure my life is even MORE fabulous than they could possibly imagine."

Ditto to that Choco. I've seen all of this as an opportunity to make my life better, and my bump too,..... and in an odd way the worse things have got (or may get) the more determined it ends up making you. Smile

I think Skye says 'Onwards and upwards'. Every bit of crap and Twuntery we have to endure, the more determined we eventually will grow.

Original poster
chocoreturns · 01/02/2013 09:24

Too right Lou.

I'm being serenaded by DS1...

"Wind the bop, wind the bop, clap clap clap... point window, point door, point floor... wind the bop, wind the bop, hand your knees!"

LOVE HIM!

hahaha

Grin
OP posts:
BerylStreep · 01/02/2013 10:02

I haven't seen your blog Choco. Do you have a link?

Lemonylemon · 01/02/2013 10:08

Choco:

My DD when just learning to speak used to sing "Da doba da. Da doba da."

Took me ages to figure it out Grin

Keep going. You're doing so well.

Blind them with being civil.....

blackcurrants · 01/02/2013 10:21

oh dear, I just triggered so much.at.queencat's escapqy four week old wobbled off the boobs and looked cross. and you have my sympathies regarding `

blackcurrants · 01/02/2013 10:24

sorry, regarding your mode of awakening . in.this house a naked boy of similar age tends to land on one's head shouting "oh no! need a vest on!" or "big boy pants time!"- it was funny/cuter before we had a baby to wake. and I can send h off to do it - much harder with just one pair of hands. hope you get a long afternoon nap! x

Original poster
chocoreturns · 01/02/2013 13:02

my blog

I'll update it I promise soon!!

Blackcurrants, oooh your lovely little 4 week old baby. Delish!!

OP posts:
blackcurrants · 01/02/2013 14:07

that should be "sniggered at queencat 's escapades"- sorry!

and oh, choco, you should smell his head! dreamy! and the legs are still froggy , though less froggy than DS1, as he was born so big and chubbyGrin

oh! and he still has an umbilical stump- how weird is that at four weeks?! his doctor says it's because he had such a thick cord, and it's true it was freakishly big. mind you it had a big baby to feed! Grin
sorry, baby- haze hijack there.

Original poster
chocoreturns · 01/02/2013 14:15

I love a baby haze hijack! You go right ahead Grin

DS2 is long, and desperate to get up and about. He's rolling from one end of the room to the other now, so crawling can't be far off. I am a lot more hands off with him than I was with DS1 who was snuggled up and carted about whenever possible and didn't crawl, or even try to, until 11months and he's a hell of a lot more determined to be independent, that's for sure. Still smells like talc and sugar water when I kiss his pudgy little neck though :)

OP posts:
Midwife99 · 01/02/2013 14:27

Swoon SmileSmileSmile

blackcurrants · 01/02/2013 14:50

oh sounds amazing! DS1 was also carried all the time, didnt crawl till 10months, was already standing/cruising by then, and walked two weeks after his.first bithday and hasnt bloody stopped running since then whereas this chap, although bigger, seems more wriggly and keener to flip over, he's.already trying the hip swivel, so I am keeping an eye on him when changing and stuff. I used to happily leave DS 1 on beds but I think my days of doing that with this lad are numbered! He likes being flat and hanging out more than my first did, which is cool! I get a lot more time with hands free, which is handy really.

The thing I can never forgive aboit these deadbeat, walkaway fathers, is they miss all this. And I speak as a cold-hearted unnatural working mum, you understand Wink how can they leave all this? my H practically snatches the baby out of my arms when he gets in from work, crooning "I missed youuuu!" to him. That's normal and appropriate behaviour, surely.

Original poster
chocoreturns · 01/02/2013 15:45

well I hope it's normal and appropriate because when they come back from their dad, I spend a good twenty minutes with each of them snuggling, smelling their hair, kissing their downy soft cheeks, stroking their head/arm/hand or whatever I can without being weird about it... I miss them like hell!! It's as if I need to breathe their little energy fields back into me when I've not seen them for a while. They also spend ages climbing into my lap, holding my face, twiddling my hair and chewing on my finger (ok, only DS2 does the chewing thing with the odd face lunge kiss thrown in).

Then we're back to normal, fending off being clobbered round the head with the latest tractor toy or thinking feck me! When did I last cut those fingernails...?

OP posts:
blackcurrants · 01/02/2013 15:52

oh gosh yes, those nails! I swear my boys have nail-sharpening parties at night. . .

BerylStreep · 01/02/2013 17:10

Choco, I have just started reading your blog! It is absolutely beautifully written - wise, insightful, articulate ?

I am just so sorry that you have this subject matter to write about.

However, yy to a book. I'd buy it.

Allalonenow · 01/02/2013 17:24

Choco, sending you good wishes, you are proof that living your new life well is the best revenge.
But, I am thinking of doing the prawns in the curtain pole myself! Grin

Skyebluesapphire · 01/02/2013 18:30

ah, good old wind the bobbin up... had never even heard of that song before Mini Skye started playgroup... then it ends up running on a loop in your head.

It's annoying when they come in that early isn't it. I got bashed round the head with a large rabbit, with MS shouting "CBeebies on NOW!". I slurred something about it being 5am and not on yet and could she please just go back to sleep for a bit......

Twunt has just picked her up for the weekend. Texted as he was leaving his customer to say he had forgotten the car seat and could he borrow mine or it would make him an hour late to pick her up if he had to go home to get his....

She gets so overexcited when she knows she is going to see him that I can't do anything with her... we did have lots of lovely cuddles on the sofa though before she went..

I hope you have a good weekend.

Original poster
chocoreturns · 01/02/2013 18:49

thanks Skye :) yes it's a real pain for sticking in your head that one lol, I find myself clapping and patting my knee as I hum it, even when I'm not with the kids! I hope you have a lovely weekend too - got much planned? I know you feel as pants as the rest of us up-thread about your 'free' time.

Beryl, you are not the only one apparently, I've just popped over and found out there's been over 500 new page views today... [yikes!!] feel like an almost-sleb for a day haha. Unless that's just you clicking on every page 20 times? Grin

OP posts:
AnAirOfHope · 01/02/2013 19:11

No, no, no go write a book. I want to read it and im rooting for ds1 to go to Hogwarts lookalike school.

McBuckers · 01/02/2013 19:34

Choco, I've just read your blog. You're my new hero! X

BerylStreep · 01/02/2013 20:40

Remember, JK Rowling is richer than the Queen now!

F* the socks!

onedev · 01/02/2013 22:57

I've just been reading your blog - I think you're my new hero! You are amazing & definitely should get a book deal!

Skyebluesapphire · 02/02/2013 01:03

Choco, I've got no doubt that your thread clicks are real. There are a lot of people on this thread now that had missed your original threads and want to read all about you :)

Ive been out for the night with friends, am a bit drunk, again.... Got z friends little boys first birthday party tomorrow. Then work for the rest of the day!

Much as its nice to have a night out with no worries, It's horrible to come home and see her empty bed. :(

It's 1am and I'm tucking into a pizza! Perfect drunk food :)

DoingItForMyself · 02/02/2013 10:15

I used to shut their bedroom doors when they weren't here as I couldn't bear to see their little empty beds, but with time it has got easier to deal with and I'm sure one day you will appreciate some me-time - its a hard slog being a single mum and the occasional night off really can help to recharge the batteries and make us all appreciate each other a little more.

I know its probably a lot harder when the DCs are so young, as you're so protective of them, but as they grow up a bit I promise you will relish the thought of a night out with friends (or a sexy new man!) without having to arrange babysitters etc. Every cloud and all that....

I always point newbies in the direction of your threads Choco, I can just imagine being able to say "buy this book by Choco" with a link to Amazon instead!