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Original poster

Hey, it's the Dating thread... number 37

999 replies

lubeybooby · 20/01/2013 00:04

Of we got - all dating chit chat here!

OP posts:
OhWesternWind · 22/01/2013 09:37

Good morning everyone!

Well, I didn't last very long lying low, did I? Smile Actually, I thought about it and realised that coming off the thread because I felt pressurised by some posts was not really confident and assertive behaviour. I am quite capable of standing up for myself and what I think and want to do, so that's what I am going to do in the future. But I would really appreciate it if people carried on giving honest advice - that's what this forum is for, after all - but also realised that maybe not everyone is the same as them, and people have different reactions, expectations, needs, personalities, histories etc etc so what works for one person might not work for another. I know some other posters have said something very similar recently, and that this is generally a hugely supportive thread, but sometimes it's easy to cross the line between wanting to help and being a bit overbearing.

Otherwise, things are going very well with me and LM. Had a wonderful night out on Sunday which he'd planned as a surprise for me with my dcs. He's lovely.

48howdidthathappen · 22/01/2013 09:40

Been a busy night on here. I have been rather busy myself Wink

I only ever had one man drop smut into an online conversation, I just ignored him after that. A few did ask about my 'Dating' status as opposed to looking for a relationship, all got my explaination. My profile was geared to put off the chancers, worked on the whole.
I do think sex texting someone you have never met is a risky business. High chance a guy is going to think he can skip the coffee and have the Coffee.

Arse I had one guy travel 21/2 hours for a first date. I just told him straight that I would not be fucking a stranger off the internet, he still came.

Nice to see you OWW

Juilette Shame about Mr Groomed. He sounded promising.

Bant Of course its us women. Wouldn't have it any other way Smile

Thanks again for all the lovely messages regarding my mum.

JulietteMontague · 22/01/2013 09:43

I haven't had a 'more pics' man for a while now, I've got good at filtering them out. You can feel it coming, as it were, 'more pics', 'any other pics?', in a bikini? lingerie?. It's so predictable. I do wonder if this is actually all an excuse to send the cock shot of course. Just block every time. I found fb to be the worst for this.

I also haven't had any really odd sex men. One had decided he wanted to be dominated and was attracted to my profile because I seemed to have an opinion Hmm. It's not me and I didn't mind being asked, it was the constant talk of stilletos and dressing up that irritated me, I felt like I was expected to live up to a walking fantasy. If any serious kink was coming, it would have been with Mr Grooming who has until early evening to reply to me before getting mentally binned.

JulietteMontague · 22/01/2013 09:47
OhWesternWind · 22/01/2013 09:53

I never had a "more pics" man either, and only one sex pest type who went away quite meekly after being ignored for a while. There was the one I went on a date with who then revealed he wanted me to wee on his willy but that's about it.

Most of the ones I didn't meet up with were just a bit boring, not rampant sex fiends!

Original poster
lubeybooby · 22/01/2013 09:58

Juliette yeah I agree re kink.

I do love a bit of kink, or even just a bit of mild dressing up type stuff, but only with someone I know and trust, and who I'm enough for just by myself without any additional outfits even if it's just heels or something. If all that is fine then yes, cool.

If not, and they clearly expect me to dress up then they can fuck off.

Again it's this entitlement the men like that have - what do I get in return then? I can't think of anything that would cause as much inconvenience as dressing up does for me, that would actually turn me on. I am perfectly happy just with a naked bloke and no freaky extras. There is no equal equivalent.

And tbh I do quite enough as it is with all the primping and preening and de-furring.

It's just such a turn off being expected to truss yourself up and just be grateful that he's turned on as a result. Sorry, not good enough.

I LOVE doing it though when it's not expected , now and again, when I feel like it!

OP posts:
48howdidthathappen · 22/01/2013 10:04

Lubey I did chat to one guy online for several months, we had a great laugh. We had both come to realise that we weren't ready for getting involved in anything, we had both just come out of LTR.

He did say to me that he felt sorry for some of the women online as they appeared very vulnerable. 'Lambs to the slaughter' were his words.

Original poster
lubeybooby · 22/01/2013 10:10

48 yes I've heard similar about some womens behaviour/how they come across

OP posts:
OhWesternWind · 22/01/2013 10:14

Totally off topic, but what's a silly name for sex, along the lines of rumpy pumpy, hanky panky, how's your father etc? Writing a text and my mind's gone a bit blank . . .

You can tell I'm really engaged by my work this morning, can't you?

48howdidthathappen · 22/01/2013 10:17

Slap and tickle Hmm

JulietteMontague · 22/01/2013 10:20

MsA I really wouldn't worry about him assuming sex is on the menu. The only reason to clarify is so you don't have a wasted journey if you realise that is what he is there for, not because he has got his 'expectations' up. If you want to clarify then just spell it out and if you get on well enough to go and meet him then it won't be a problem. I've done this before getting on a plane or two and kissing all through the arrivals lounge to the car meeting up long distance.

JulietteMontague · 22/01/2013 10:21

Western have a go on.. Hmm

Original poster
lubeybooby · 22/01/2013 10:28

OWW faves of mine are bonking and humping :o

or hide the sausage

OP posts:
48howdidthathappen · 22/01/2013 10:32

OWW As I am currently stuffing my face 'working up an appetite' Wink

JulietteMontague · 22/01/2013 10:35

Ooh Mr Grooming has texted back apologising for causing confusion by being slow. Ok.. Hmm

Date on Friday afternoon doing the (impressive) thing.

OhWesternWind · 22/01/2013 10:35

Well, I'm inviting him for lunch at mine so "working up an appetite" would be very appropriate. . .

OhWesternWind · 22/01/2013 10:36

Oh good news Juliette!! What type of impressive thing? I'm intrigued. Hope it's a good date and he continues to fail to irritate.

JulietteMontague · 22/01/2013 10:46

Western snack, work up an appetite, lunch Grin

It's not that impressive, more different and good for a first proper date. He has just irritated me in a second text actually, I think it's his sense of humour but I will bat that back later when we speak.

48howdidthathappen · 22/01/2013 11:08

Juilette Maybe he is just a crap texter. Pleased you have not so impressive dated sorted Smile

48howdidthathappen · 22/01/2013 11:10

Juliette God knows why I can't seem to spell your name lately Blush

BillMasen · 22/01/2013 11:34

Re the boob pic thing, I can only assume that they've been sent them in the past so there are women out there who do, and that they're not too fussed about offending you and you blocking them so they just have a go.

I like boobs. I am a bloke after all. And the whole "blokes are visual" isn't too much of a myth. I just think exchanging pics like that is best done with someone you know, like, and trust.

whatsthatcomingoverthehill · 22/01/2013 11:52

Hello, male lurker here. I don't get the asking for pics of boobs thing. One reason I can think of is that they are after some cheap thrills and 'the chase' is part of that thrill so more exciting than just looking at some porn. Another explanation might be if there has been some naughty messages exchanged and they think this is the natural progression. The insistence on the pic sounds like they just wanted to get off, and thought they needed the pic to do so. Either way, no way should you carry on speaking to them (imo).

backonline · 22/01/2013 11:56

Given my previous bad luck sex wise though there's noooo way I'd have got to that stage without sex so how soon is it usual to have sex? Can you get to know someone well enough to be comfortable discussing contraception etc that quickly?
We have not had the opportunity so far for various logistical reasons (living far apart, tending to meet too far from each others houses to invite anyone back etc, hence the arrangement to go away together) so it hasn't been something that I have thought about. I am not too worried based on how well he kisses but am now wondering :) and feeling slightly naive. Are they more likely to be wierdos when older? Last time I was dating (20 odd years ago) everyone I came across seemed relatively normal and it wasn't an issue...

mercury7 · 22/01/2013 12:13

I think the 'right' time to have sex depends on the individuals and the circumstances, however you play things it can still not work out so I guess you just have to go with what feels right & comfortable for you Backonline :)

48howdidthathappen · 22/01/2013 12:14

I always think of the OD V RL. I have never known a man ask a woman they have just met in RL for a boob shot. For some OD men, manners/common decency seem to be sadly absent.

Backonline The choice when to have sex is very personal. In a RL situation I am a first nighter Blush My only OD encounter 3rd date.

Men over 40 are more likely to have performance/function issues I believe.