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Original poster

Advice with husbands Internet dating please!

53 replies

RedBunny · 18/01/2013 10:37

Howdy, first ever post and I wish it was a happy one!! However, having read advice on here before I think it would help me.
Before my husband and I were married I discovered he had joined some dating sites and was chatting and swapping pictures with girls on his phone. He promised to never do it again and we got married, had a baby, I felt like I'd forgiven him.
We've argued a bit lately and gone to counselling. He was weird last night and said he had to work late, but one of his colleagues had no idea what he would be doing. I just felt wrong about it- this is what he used to say. So I signed into his email account he used for chatting last time and there was an email to say he'd registered for an adult dating site and another to send him possible matches.
I texted him to ask and he said he'd never heard of it. I sent him a picture I took of the email. He still says he hasn't heard of it and it wasnt him. But the username for the site is very similar to his actual name. I feel like I'm being stupid cuz I want to believe him that someone else must have done it, but I feel so confused. Can I believe him?

OP posts:
Locketjuice · 18/01/2013 10:42

I personally wouldn't believe him.
being with a complete twat who repeatedly uses porn and lies about it then admits it hours/days/weeks later...

Gay40 · 18/01/2013 10:42

If you believe him, I might as well tell you the moon is made of green cheese.

Locketjuice · 18/01/2013 10:44

Also it sounds like you asked him very nicely... I take the approach of you lying fuckwit I know what you have done!

Seems to work better as he knows he can wiggle out of it!

Locketjuice · 18/01/2013 10:44

Cant***

hollie25 · 18/01/2013 10:45

I don't believe him you have caught him out and he?ll be desperately covering his tracks now.

You would be well shot of this charmer!

trustissues75 · 18/01/2013 10:47

There's an e-mail in his personal email account telling him that he's signed up for a site (not in his junk box I presume) and you've sent him a picture of this email and he is denying it?

  1. He has a stupid dumb-ass friend who knows his past and his email address and has signed up for him on his behalf without telling him (also, Santa is real....)
  2. He's lying and has added another aspect of you to his list that he doesn't respect: your intelligence.

Of course you cannot believe him. Very sorry.

PeppermintPasty · 18/01/2013 10:49

Another vote for not believing him I'm afraid.

Can I ask, are the recent arguments/counselling related to this?

hollie25 · 18/01/2013 10:49

If you have acess to the email account you can ask them to resend the password and log in to look at messages ect?

I would do some more digging before he deletes the evidance....

Sorry your going through this bunny Sad

Locketjuice · 18/01/2013 10:54

If he has only just signed up again or if he knows she knows surely he would have deleted the evidence or there would be nothing to delete?

Original poster
RedBunny · 18/01/2013 10:59

He apparently signed up in November, but I have been trying to trust him and be a good wife as we were attending counselling and I wanted it to work.
He has just texted me telling me perhaps the site shares or sells information and that's how they made him an account? It's ridiculous because I thought I was smart. But I wonder if I'm being a bitch for assuming the worst, or if I'm being naive for considering these excuses. Do these sites share information and give people accounts?

OP posts:
LesBOFerables · 18/01/2013 11:01

Jesus Christ.

Original poster
RedBunny · 18/01/2013 11:02

And he has also done the porn thing, it upset me a lot, I asked him to even just involve me if he really needs porn, he says he will never do that again, and yet he does. His excuse will be "but I didn't do it for a while" I'm being so ridiculous right?

OP posts:
PeppermintPasty · 18/01/2013 11:06

I don't think these sites make up accounts. That sounds like bullshit to me. However, I have no direct experience of them.

But now the porn "thing". He knows it upsets you, yet he does it. You are not being ridiculous at all.

God it's depressing, these men, it's like some kind of internet bingo, first dating sites, then porn Angry What next?

You are entitled to be happy.

mcmooncup · 18/01/2013 11:11

Which site is it? Some are more dodgy /spammy than others?

It is VERY unlikely he was amazingly signed up by accident with a name that is similar to his.......but let us know the site and we can share the knowledge of how that site works.

ThePinkOcelot · 18/01/2013 11:12

I think he is lying - sorry. To my knowledge, sites don't just set people up with accounts. Have you tried logging in to his account and having a look?

Original poster
RedBunny · 18/01/2013 11:12

It is called up for it dating

OP posts:
Original poster
RedBunny · 18/01/2013 11:12

Thank you.

OP posts:
PeppermintPasty · 18/01/2013 11:15

Well, google tells me that it's "the site for adults seeking sex" for starters Sad Nice.

mcmooncup · 18/01/2013 11:15

AFAIK that is just a hook up site he could have been on one last night

But you definitely HAVE to sign up to get an account.

With these sites, I know that there is a certain amount of information that is shared e.g. an email address. So for example, in my case, I have been on POF, and through this have had emails from other dating sites advertising their services......BUT I DO NOT HAVE AN ACCOUNT WITH THEM. You have to sign up to get an account and username.

He has definitely been on the look out for casual sex.

izzyizin · 18/01/2013 11:16

Of course he's lying through his teeth and you would be naive to the point of gross stupidity if you believed a word he's telling you about his latest attempt to get his leg over with ow venture.

From the title of your thread I assumed you wanted help to pimp your h's online dating profile or some such, and I suggest you give him a few pointers to make himself out to be a superb catch in the hope that some other deluded ooor cah will take him off your hands.

And then take yourself off to consult a solicitor who specialises in divorce and family law- unless, of course, you want a lifetime of never knowing what this dick-led twat is up to with ow.

Numberlock · 18/01/2013 11:20

If he has only just signed up again or if he knows she knows surely he would have deleted the evidence or there would be nothing to delete

You'd be surprised (or actually probably not) how stupid these cheating arseholes can be. My friend recently discovered her husband's affair on his phone - he'd not bothered to delete a single message.

Original poster
RedBunny · 18/01/2013 11:22

He's texting me saying "I'm telling you the truth sweetheart"
I am like.... I KNOW it's so stupid but I'm having a hard time. This man was my first boyfriend. I don't understand.

OP posts:
Numberlock · 18/01/2013 11:23

Tell him to move out while you get things clear in your head.

Do you have children?

JustinBoobie · 18/01/2013 11:23

you know his email password; try sending yourself a password reminder. It will then enable you to look at his profile - while your at it, check all the other sex/flirt/chat dating sites - I fear there will be lots more he's signed up on.

Get angry. That's my advice. He's lying, and he needs to know you Will Not Put Up With It. Please, don't put up with it.

IMO these sites are full of people who are in a relationship, it's fucking ugly and rank.

Good luck op.

TheOriginalLadyFT · 18/01/2013 11:26

He's cheating on you, or is just about to. Obviously, you can choose to ignore this (which in a sense you did last time) or you can face up to a really unpleasant reality.

Neither is an easy route, and I feel very sorry for you, but ultimately you were warned before you married him that he had the ability to deceive you. Generally, leopards don't change their spots, especially when it comes to this kind of behaviour.

Staying in this kind of marriage without a real and fundamental shift in attitude from your husband will be a road to misery

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