The Great Escape

[GoodtoBetter]

I thought I would start a new thread, for anyone who might be interested in listening to my waffling on about my struggles with a difficult, overbearing mother. Thank you to whoever it was who suggested the thread title! I've changed my name for something a bit more positive.
previous thread here:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1565077-My-mother-hates-my-husband-long

Wow! Congrats,have now delurked...many hours reading and willing you on.

Every happiness in your new home

it takes a strong person to break free of the patterns of a lifetime and you've done it.

^This!

You have done the right thing for yourself and your family - and for your DM too, if she could only see it.

Congratulations on your new home

Gad the move has gone well. You haven't done a bad thing, you tried living with her and it didn't work, most of us wouldn't have even tried. She is capable of living on her own and the relationship may be better in the future, it certainly can't be much worse with her arguing with your husband and weeping whenever she saw you. If she'd enjoyed you all living together you wouldn't have left, but it sounds as though she was always crying so she may be happier now or in a month or so when she gets used to things. Time for her to do more stuff and meet more people.

Hooray!!

What you have done is giving your relationship with your mum its best shot. If you'd stayed your relationship with her would just have deteriorated, your marriage would have suffered badly and your children would be caught in the middle.

Now, you can look forward to a good and strong marriage that isn't being constantly undermined every instant that you're all at home, so happy kids, and a better relationship with your mum even if it might never be easy. But who knows? This way could be the making of her; it's up to her now.

Sleep well in your new home.

Home sweet home! :)

Yay. Welcome to your new home.

Yay! It's a new dawn, it's a new day, it's a new life for you-ooo-ooo? and MN is feeling good!

Hooray!
Hope you get your moment on the roof :)

Amazing misty sunrise from the roof this morning!

One might say it's a new dawn, it's a new day, it's a new life and you're ... Well you know the tune

Another long time lurker here. Welcome to the first day of the rest of your new life. You have earned the pleasure of that sunrise and all the good things, big and small, that will follow. Enjoy

Fab - you'll have to take a pic for us, GoodtoBetter!

Yes, please show us a picture so we can be very jealous happy for you!

Did think of that but mobile and camera were downstairs...will try tmrw. Still worrying a bit bout M but hard to break habits of a lifetime I suppose.

It will seem raw regarding your mum but think things will calm and settle. She needs time to adjust.

Were DCs excited waking up and seeing new home?

Passed her in the car earlier (she didn't see us) looked like she was coming back from the supermarket. So, she's obviously not lying around weeping in her pjs all day. She'll probably be really angry for a bit, but if she does I'll just be very busy, at least now I can avoid bad moods. I said I'd pop over with children tomorrow morning, so we'll see how that goes.

Not sure how much to push the tomorrow thing. I said I'd take kids over tomorrow when we moved yesterday and she said yes she'd like that. I have texted but she hasn't replied and may not have her phone on but I really don't want to phone. Shall I text again tomorrow or ring tomorrow or ring now or just leave it? Don't really know how all this works.

I'd leave it completely or just breeze in like nothing happened - I'm presuming she's deliberately ignoring you, possibly wanting you to think she's heartbroken and not coping- not realising you saw her at the shops.

Coming from the perspective that whatever you do will be wrong - what do you want to do - not see her tomorrow at all, spend all morning with her, or nip in on your way past?

Just go over tomorrow as discussed don't chase her. Had you intended postponing or cancelling, yes it would be polite to phone with advance notice. If she's out tomorrow or looks astonished "I wasn't expecting you, you should have rung" just say not to worry, you'd talked about it but it was a fairly loose arrangement, another time. Don't explain, do NOT apologise. If communication gets brought up don't feel you have to adhere to some new regime - your time's your own, she has your mobile number.

Erm..I don't know really. I'd like to know she's OK, but then she obviously is if she's been out in the car. I suppose I want her to be happy on her own and have a normal mother-daughter relationship..chat about what we've both been up to, her come and see the house and be admiring and no recriminations, guilt tripping, pathetic behaviour.... but that's highly unlikely right now.
She may not have seen the msg as she often doesn't have the mobile switched on, but by the same token she could have called or texted me ad the she'd have seen the msg. I don't want to ring as I don't want a load of bollocks or an awkward conversation.
I might ring cheerily tomorrow.....

x-posted with Donkeys. ah, you're all so sensible!

Easy when it's someone else's situation 'cos you're not in the middle of it.

I imagine she has seen your message and is deliberately ignoring it because she's sulking. The best thing is to just turn up, as Donkeys said.

Don't send another text because that implies you're worrying about her. Not that you worrying about her is a bad thing, but she will seize upon it and try to make you feel worse, which she shouldn't do. It's better for her to feel outraged at your perceived lack of interest rather than triumphant at having got her power back. Sorry but I think those are the only two emotional options you can choose from - she does not respond like normal people, after all.

As for a normal mother-daughter relationship.... well, it takes two to form one of those and you both have very different ideas on how to go about it. Your ideas are definitely closer to the norm than hers! Maybe she will adapt to the new world order, it is possible. There will probably be some initial resistance though, be warned!

Hope you're enjoying settling in :)