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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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(D)H has just tried to throttle me in front of DCs

123 replies

Needsadvicequickly · 12/01/2013 12:21

We had a minor argument this morning, then all of a sudden he came storming into the room where I was with DC2 and screamed he hated me and tried to throttle me, I pushed him off and tried to leave room, he did it again, all witnessed by Dcs age 7 and 2. DCs both screaming in absolute terror. DH crying and apologising afterwards, eldest DC is distraught and thinks its his fault, he was still shaking and crying an hour afterwards. TBH I'm more upset and angry that the DCs witness this and DC1 missed his sport activity, that he loves, because of this. What the fuck do I do now? He has never been violent to me before, nor is he violent to anyone else. We have had issues in the past but always resolved them. We have been together nearly 16 years and have 2 DC, we rent our house. Is it true that once its happened it will most certainly happen again. I'm not scared of him, to be honet I would have probably attempted to fight back had the dcs not been there. Any advice will be mostly appreciated.

OP posts:
LoopsInHoops · 12/01/2013 16:40

:(

PureQuintessence · 12/01/2013 16:46

You let him take your terrified child out alone after he tried to strangle you?

There are only two possibilities why you allowed this to happen:

  1. You are insane
  2. You were too scared of him, what he would do to you or the kids if you objected.

You need to speak to the police. And you need to get him out of the house.

LoopsInHoops · 12/01/2013 16:48

Thread has moved on Quint.

PureQuintessence · 12/01/2013 16:49

Sorry Loops, did not realize you were the thread police. I shall leave it now.

lieanne · 12/01/2013 16:55

hi I have a lot of experience in men and suddens vioent turns ,I remember the first an all the apologies and me excepting it as a mistake ,but 90percent of the time it happens again ,

LoopsInHoops · 12/01/2013 16:56

Quint, just trying to help. OP has got him out of the house and is speaking to the police, just thought you might like to know.

MadameCastafiore · 12/01/2013 16:59

Do whatever you would do if a stranger did this to you.

So call the police.

MadameCastafiore · 12/01/2013 17:05

And think about what you would say if one of your kids came home beaten by their spouse because they thought that was normal behaviour. After all daddy did it to mummy and she didn't do anything.

Ask any woman on here who witnessed their dad beating there mum and they will say it fucked them up.

CanIRingTheBell · 12/01/2013 17:05

OP, I'm so glad you've kicked him out. I would second the suggestions of calling the police now rather than this evening. Hope you are ok

BertieBotts · 12/01/2013 17:12

Loops perhaps you could suggest OP starts a new thread with all info on if she wants further support without the confusion on this thread. I wish her luck with the phone call later. Does she have women's aid's number as well? I know she might not be in need of it (yet?) but might be useful to have just in case.

LoopsInHoops · 12/01/2013 17:15

Will do Bertie, off to bed now and OP is safely cuddling her children, and has contacted her dad, but will message her in the morning. :)

tribpot · 12/01/2013 17:16

Very pleased to know OP has told her dad.

AlienReflux · 12/01/2013 17:20

yes, hopefully he will call the police, or at least make sure the twat doesn't come home.

JammySplodger · 12/01/2013 17:22

Thanks for posting the updates Loops.

amillionyears · 12/01/2013 17:25

op, it sounds like your DH needs some professional help.
So you need to report him, so he is able to get that help.

BertieBotts · 12/01/2013 18:50

Yes thanks Loops :)

Thumbwitch · 12/01/2013 21:47

So glad that the OP has kicked him out and told her Dad.
So :( that it took her 7yo DS telling her that she should call the Police for her to take action.
Very sad to hear other similar stories, especially Idlegirl's friend. :(

Idlegirl83 · 12/01/2013 22:58

Thanks for the update Loops - thinking of the OP and her children x

StitchAteMySleep · 12/01/2013 23:16

Needsadvice I am so sorry this has happened to you and your children. You deserve better. I hope you have now called the Police and your Dad and are getting the real life support you need.

Thanks Loops for the updates.

TeaMakesItAllPossible · 12/01/2013 23:41

needsadvice thinking of you and your DC x

Isetan · 13/01/2013 00:12

The Op is in shock, she is still reeling from being violently assaulted in front of her kids by someone whose supposed to love her.

I say well done Op for getting one foot in front of the other.

When I went to the Police to give my statement, the officer asked me questions relating to my Ex's statement. Disappointingly (but not totally unexpectedly) he used his statement to make excuses and lies, apparently he acted in self defense.

The truth is a lot of what happend in my case was out of my hands (my ex called the police, he thought I was dead). Had he been contrite I may of not supported the case but he refused to take responsibility so I let the criminal justice system take the lead.

Take care Op, you and your children did not deserve this. Your H has issues and attacking you in front of your children and blaming you was a far more attractive option then seeking help. If he's blaming you then he is upping the ante and your only choice now is to call the police, as this is the first step in protecting your children and their mother.

Get some rest and take as much RL support as you can.

To everyone else, the shock will wear off.

The hero in my story is my kick ass daughter, whose compassion and sense of right and wrong was far more developed than her father's.

Loops, let the Op know that we are thinking of her and the harsh words written, were written in frustration. We're frustrated because we can't do anything, we can't undo what has been done and we can't protect her and fortunately for him, he ain't here so we can collectively get all She-ra on his ass.

yani · 13/01/2013 10:00

Isetan - Thank you for sharing your story, I realise it can't have been easy to think about those dark days and write those words.

I hope you and your kick-ass daughter are now safe. I'm sure she thinks you are just as wonderful. Smile

Loops - Hopefully the op had a settled night.

AlienReflux · 13/01/2013 16:39

Any news loops?

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