Need brutally honest opinions and advice please, before I send myself insane!

[uhohwhathaveidone]

Ohh...I've messed up, I think.

Long story short (ish!), I have children in a local primary school. One of my children has a rather cute teacher who is only a year or two older than me, and I thought he might have a bit of a 'thing' for me - just from little things that I've probably over analysed and turned into something from nothing!

Basically it was just things like we've had quite a few meetings since September, and I thought I picked up a bit of chemistry as he had a twinkle in his eye, seemed to have this half smile on his face a lot of the time while he was talking to me, looked over at me a lot (during assemblies where the parents are invited, he would be looking in my direction a lot; I noticed out of the corner of my eye, and when I looked over at my child the teacher would suddenly look at my child too, as if he'd followed my gaze), a few times I walked past him on my way to the school office, and when I looked over at him his eyes would dart away, as if he'd been looking at me, he always seemed quite 'aware' of himself when I was around; when I like someone (or hate them!) I tend to try and act normal, but get it wrong and end up overemphasising my movements; he'd do this and once I was in the office (I volunteer in school sometimes), he walked past the window, then backed up, looked around the room for a few seconds (it's used as a storeroom and I was the only one in there) then glanced at me and walked off.

Anyway - he suddenly went a bit colder towards me; I have kept acting the same way, which mostly consists of when I have to walk past him in the mornings, making sure I'm talking to my children so my eyes are focused on them and I don't have to look at him (too shy!), only talking to him when I have to, pretty much ignoring him and avoding eye contact...so I don't get why his behaviour suddenly changed.

All of a sudden, he's laughing and joking with everyone else (literally), and not even saying hello to me, let alone laughing and joking! Now, anytime he sees me approaching the school gate with my children, he'll turn and go into the playground out of sight. Thought I was imagining it, but on the days I've sent the kids in on their own and 've stayed out of sight, he keeps his feet firmly rooted outside the gate and never goes into the playground!

He even ignored me yesterday...went to pick my child up, child came out upset over something so as there was only me and one other mum left in the playground, I though I'd quickly ask the teacher what was wrong with LO; he was looking in my direction as I was walking, yet when I got 6 feet away from him, he suddenly turned and went back into the classroom! The other mum looked at me and then him with a "what the...?" face and I was mortified!

So - sorry for the essay - bad gramma/punctuation is due to me trying to keep this as brief as possible - but I really need to know what's going on.

Why would he act this way; did I get it wrong when I thought he liked me, or could I have inadvertently done something to upset or annoy him, do you think?

Izzy that's just silly.

If I thought I'd made it that obvious do you think I'd ever show my face at the school anyway?

Now you're being childish. And for the record...I DID NOT go past 10 times to wash my fecking hands!

I have stated that quite a few times now!

You clearly think that it's impossible for a teacher, being a human himself - remenber that - could possibly ever find a parent attractive and I've obviously thrown myself at him! Which couldn't be further from the truth.

When I said I went past his classroom; what I meant was, I passed him in the corridor quite a few times. Sorry for not being crystal clear!

The majority of the 5 hours I was in school, I was outside in the shed (moving things out there) and yes, it was dirty and dusty and cobwebby in there so course I'm going to go and wash my hands! So I used the visitor toilets rather than the staff ones (which wouldn't have involved going anywhere near his classroom) but next time I'll take a pot to piss in!

Am I really supposed to be able to know when he's going to come around the corner? Because about 3 times out of the times I 'bumped into' (not literally) him, he was coming the opposite direction to me, another time I went past (to get to the office) he was in the new PPA room... the rest of the time I don't know if he was even in the classroom, he seems to spend more time out of it than in anyway!

FFS.

Oh God - checked in to see if it's still dragging on and yes it is. Despite sensible folk telling you that you have a problem obsession here you are intent on making it somehow his fault and other posters are even calling him a 'twat' and 'immature' when they know nothing about the poor man beyond what your very skewed posts have offered.

I imagine that some teachers may think a parent or two is attractive (although I confess that I never have as I have always viewed parents in a professional light and nothing more) but parents are off limits to a staff member and so I do not think that he would have thought about you in that way at all. Staff members should also be off limits to parents too if they had any sense.

This is like some God awful costume drama where every glance is over analysed and given much more weight than it deserves. It sounds like you are at the school way too much and the fact that when the guy comes over to discuss your child's reading with you you read something in to that too says it all really.

The more your justify your weird behaviour the worse it all sounds. I genuinely think that you need a reality check and that you need to stop obsessing about this man and leave him to do his job. I agree with everything that Izzy posted.

Maybe they should include a session on 'how to handle crushes from mums' in the teacher training, perhaps alongside behaviour management in the classroom?

OP people are making fun because you are having a sense of humour failure. I don't think you will get any different advice than that which has already been given, yet you keep making ridiculous suggestions.

How about this - yes, he probably did fancy you but decided it was best not to get involved with a parent. He is trying to avoid you until the feelings of attraction go away but is drawn to you and, like a moth to a flame, he cannot resist and 'flaps' around you.

You should arrange a meeting to speak with him 1-1 and have a heart to heart. You should declare your attraction, but in a shy manner and agree between yourselves that it would best for you to move your children to another school so that you can embark on this great romantic adventure with a clear conscience.

Is that better? Is that what you wanted to hear?

Or does it sound nonsense like it does to the rest of us?

I'm cringing for you OP, as is everyone else I'm sure. Why not give it a rest? He's clearly not interested. Move on, and find someone who does want to be the recipient of your affections. Life is too short and all that.

I've never witnessed this 'arm flap', is it the mating ritual of the primary school teacher?

Omg!!!!!! This is unreal!!!!

1- the mere fact you even mention the idea of moving your children's school is ludicrous- this is NOT putting your children 1st
2- you sound absolutely obsessed now-he sat with you at a meeting about your child's reading and you somehow think the fact he didn't just leave it to the TA means something??? No, it means he was doing his job
3- if you were a dad and this was a female teacher people would be thinking 'harassment' and 'stalker'.

Honestly, genuinely with every sincere, caring bone in my body i say this: take a step back and reflect on why you have made such a scenario out of a few (perhaps imagined) glances.

Honestly, he really really was/is just doing his job. I feel for him, I really do.

[grin]@Spleen

One to look forward to in Attenborough's next series?

And here we have the lesser spotted male primary school teacher, watch as he makes his away across the savanna playground, he flaps his arms wildly attracting the OP females of the species, here he selects the only non hot pant wearing female to drag back to the dusty store room where he will proceed to serenade her by playing kumbaya on the guitar...

Lol :)

I feel for you OP. I think you HAVE over thought things though. I also feel some posters are being AWFUL to you on this thread. I'd honestly stop posting if I were you .

You're all fucking hilarious. Seriously.

What I meant by him coming over when I was talking to the TA (which ws none of his business; he may be the teacher, but she does the reading and only her!) was that he can't have felt that uncomfortable around me, otherwise he'd have carried on dicking about the classroom.

That's all. Nothing to do with attraction, or anything else.

Stop posting OP. You have garnered all the advice you need, and now it just leaves you open to further ridicule.

No. Stop right there- it is his business!!!! Ta's do jobs under teachers instructions- hexhas every right to join the discussion. He is ultimately responsible for your child's reading progress. STop reading into innocent situations. Tbh, you are sounding slightly dangerous. Your the sort to start wild accusations towards innocent people. He was going his f-ing job.

Oh for goodness sake, stop over reacting! Dangerous person FGS!

Yes I know they do.

But he only came over because she asked something specific about a noise he makes to describe something in class! He was over the other side of the room anyway, could hear everything that was being said and if I'd wanted to speak to him, I would have done. The whole point of booking a meeting with the TA was for her to come outside and avoid me having to deal with the teacher.

Also, she's a HLTA, has been at the school a long time, is twice his age and he's new to the school. I think she's quite qualified to discuss my child's reading level - seeing as it was her that made the decision to put my child up 3 levels and the teacher didn't know what stage my child was on, anyway.

And how was I making an accusation anyway?!

OP, I too think you should now hide this thread. You have had all the useful advice/opinion you are going to get. Coming back constantly to repeat you are not obsessed, with further examples that indicate you probably are does you no favours.

You need to start doing and thinking about something else.

No, I said you're the sort that does (not has) make accusations. You read things that aren't there. Yes, dangerous. I don't know why you posted. You asked for opinions then argued against lots of people all saying the same.
Good luck and tbh good luck to the poor guy!

So what about the ones that weren't saying the same, then?

They should automatically be ignored?

No of course not, you should cling on to every vestige of posting wisdom that you like the look of. We don't know the full story and you're presenting things in a way to get the responses you want, you're still not getting them.

I really hope that you're just enjoying the thread and not serious. I really hope that with all my heart because the alternative is that you're a stalker-in-waiting.

Except there were quite a few that agreed with me. I've noticed the same few people saying the negative side of things, jumping on the bandwagon.

OP, the tone and opinions on this thread have shifted from sympathy to you and thinking the teacher has not handled the situation very well to now predominant feelings that you are unhealthily obsessed with him because of what you have revealed in further posts.

And I'm sorry, but I just don't see how you can come to conclusion that I'm soehow 'stalking' this person, when I've been avoiding eye contact and staying away from him as much as possible!?