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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Need brutally honest opinions and advice please, before I send myself insane!

368 replies

uhohwhathaveidone · 12/01/2013 10:33

Ohh...I've messed up, I think.

Long story short (ish!), I have children in a local primary school. One of my children has a rather cute teacher who is only a year or two older than me, and I thought he might have a bit of a 'thing' for me - just from little things that I've probably over analysed and turned into something from nothing!

Basically it was just things like we've had quite a few meetings since September, and I thought I picked up a bit of chemistry as he had a twinkle in his eye, seemed to have this half smile on his face a lot of the time while he was talking to me, looked over at me a lot (during assemblies where the parents are invited, he would be looking in my direction a lot; I noticed out of the corner of my eye, and when I looked over at my child the teacher would suddenly look at my child too, as if he'd followed my gaze), a few times I walked past him on my way to the school office, and when I looked over at him his eyes would dart away, as if he'd been looking at me, he always seemed quite 'aware' of himself when I was around; when I like someone (or hate them!) I tend to try and act normal, but get it wrong and end up overemphasising my movements; he'd do this and once I was in the office (I volunteer in school sometimes), he walked past the window, then backed up, looked around the room for a few seconds (it's used as a storeroom and I was the only one in there) then glanced at me and walked off.

Anyway - he suddenly went a bit colder towards me; I have kept acting the same way, which mostly consists of when I have to walk past him in the mornings, making sure I'm talking to my children so my eyes are focused on them and I don't have to look at him (too shy!), only talking to him when I have to, pretty much ignoring him and avoding eye contact...so I don't get why his behaviour suddenly changed.

All of a sudden, he's laughing and joking with everyone else (literally), and not even saying hello to me, let alone laughing and joking! Now, anytime he sees me approaching the school gate with my children, he'll turn and go into the playground out of sight. Thought I was imagining it, but on the days I've sent the kids in on their own and 've stayed out of sight, he keeps his feet firmly rooted outside the gate and never goes into the playground!

He even ignored me yesterday...went to pick my child up, child came out upset over something so as there was only me and one other mum left in the playground, I though I'd quickly ask the teacher what was wrong with LO; he was looking in my direction as I was walking, yet when I got 6 feet away from him, he suddenly turned and went back into the classroom! The other mum looked at me and then him with a "what the...?" face and I was mortified!

So - sorry for the essay - bad gramma/punctuation is due to me trying to keep this as brief as possible - but I really need to know what's going on.

Why would he act this way; did I get it wrong when I thought he liked me, or could I have inadvertently done something to upset or annoy him, do you think?

OP posts:
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 12/01/2013 22:10

So... why are you asking?

Original poster
uhohwhathaveidone · 12/01/2013 22:10

Well yes, to get opinions. I know :(

OP posts:
Fairenuff · 12/01/2013 22:14

It's just the fact that 100%, his weird/ignoring behaviour started just after I decided to start avoiding eye contact with him

Look, this statement says it all. You started avoiding eye contact with him so he backed off.

If any parent at school, male or female, single or not, started avoiding eye contact with me I would respect their wishes and leave them alone. If they wanted to speak to me I would be available. As one person to another, not in any crush way.

Leave it well alone, concentrate on your course, be courteous and professional and put this one down to experience.

countrykitten · 12/01/2013 22:15

I am sorry if you are offended but the 'you know best I suppose' is rather an off comment.

As I said before, I wish you all the best with this but I am guessing that you only want to hear what you want to hear so I shall bow out of this thread and leave you to it.

Original poster
uhohwhathaveidone · 12/01/2013 22:24

I take it booking a meeting with him at some point and saying I've picked up on an atmosphere and if I've made him feel uncomfortable then I apologise, would be a bad idea and make things even worse?

OP posts:
Fairenuff · 12/01/2013 22:27

Yep.

Original poster
uhohwhathaveidone · 12/01/2013 22:29

Ok...just trying to act normal it is, then :)

OP posts:
bumhead · 12/01/2013 22:44

How has this thread got to 8 pages??

If this guy knew that a parent at school had obsessed about him so much that there was an 8 page thread on the internet about him somewhere without there even having been a relationship in the first place, he would have you sectioned!

Be polite to him, start acting normal and take up a hobby in your spare time and work on your self esteem. Then this whole situation will be visible for what it is, a load of nothing.
Good luck.

mammadiggingdeep · 12/01/2013 22:48

This is a wind up isn't it????? This thread is still going and on the 8th page, the op asks if a MEETING with the poor stalked teacher to discuss this (imagined?) atmosphere. Pleeeeeaaaaasssse, somebody tell me this is a joke.
In the words of the dragons in the den......."I'm out"

Good luck

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 12/01/2013 22:52

Oh really, mammadiggingdeep? You can go, but you can never leeeeeeaavvve... ConfusedShockGrin

mammadiggingdeep · 12/01/2013 22:55

:) ...........still here.........aarrrrrgggggghhhhh

Maryz · 12/01/2013 23:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 12/01/2013 23:11

... or running for a good solicitor for some injunctive relief! Grin

DioneTheDiabolist · 13/01/2013 00:59

Regardless of what has gone on, the moment thankfully has passed. So move on OP and find a decent, available, more appropriate man with whom you start talking and maybe have a relationship.

AgnesBligg · 13/01/2013 01:57

I think the teacher fancies her. And OP, you need to get over this shyness.

NotMostPeople · 13/01/2013 02:01

Can I just say OP that ignorant does not mean to ignore.

VestaCurry · 13/01/2013 02:18

Read first batch of posts thinking wtf? Came to Cogito's and am in absolute agreement. Not bothered to read rest of thread except to flip to the last few posts of what has run to 8 pages Grin!

OP it all sounds like you're 14 wondering about some lad in the same school as you. Even then it seem completely OTT and obsessive over-analysis of who looked where, when etc etc .

VestaCurry · 13/01/2013 02:19

.....you did ask for brutally honest opinions

Original poster
uhohwhathaveidone · 13/01/2013 08:00

If you read my original post, all I said were a feww reasons why I thought he might have been interested in me; generally being aware of my presence, looking at me a lot (more than you would expect) etc. This is generally how you notice a man likes you in a bar for example, no?

So why is it weird/childish to notice this from my child's teacher, but not if I'd gone in a pub and notice some random stranger giving me the eye?

Only difference being, I haven't gone and outrageously flirted with the bloke because A) I assumed he's out of my league, B) he's in his place of work (but then so would the checkout guy at ASDA if I liked him! and C) I wasn't sure if I had read it wrong, but considering some people on here think he likes/liked me then maybe I didn't read it wrong. He might, or might not have.

I'm not stalking him, and to say or imply that is unfair because you're going on the things I've told you, twisting them to sound weird so you can have a good laugh at my expense.

From my perspective; there are 2 possible reasons for his behaviour - either he likes/liked me, or he was looking at me and all that because I was looking at him! Except I wasn't; in his general direction yes, but not AT him.
And he was acting 'aware' of me from the start; when we had a 'meet rhe teacher' thing in July last year with the whole class of parents, he focused on me the majority of the time - and that's not me being arrogant or delusional; it's now it was, because after 10 minutes of it I felt uncomfortable and started to avoid looking at him.

Anyway, no point talking any more because you'll all continue to think badly of me anyway.

OP posts:
Pipachi · 13/01/2013 09:36

OP, I feel for you. I think there is a chance that he likes you. He is acting in a very awkward way. Of course a young male (handsome) teacher is used to be a
centre of attention, it doesn't make him automatically immune or mature thought.

Try acting normal, at least until he is not you DD's teacher anymore. Smile

Original poster
uhohwhathaveidone · 13/01/2013 10:33

Hey now...I didn't say he was handsome! ;)

Last night, I think I was going off on one slightly.

I was taking in everyone's opinion, but at the same time I was panicking because everyone seemed to think I'd caused the awkwardness by being too obvious - when actually that was the opposite of what I was trying to achieve!

Probably over analysing again, but I mean when I had the meeting with the TA the other day, it was after school and all the children had left so did he have to come and sit with us? It was about reading; and it's only the TA that 'does' the reading with the kids; he was milling about until I'd asked about how to explain something to my child and the TA called over to him to ask about some sound he'd used to explain it - sorry trying to make it a bit non-specific but ending up not explaining very well!

Anyway he seemed comfortable enough when he came to sit at the table, I was obviously concentrating on the TA but when you have two people sitting with you, your gaze teds to flit between the two people, so I was doing that and not staring or focusing on him, just being normal basically; and in return, he was offering a few bits of advice and being professional.

Maybe I have over read things, at the moment I'm wondering whether to change my youngest's school prefs (got til tomorrow to change it) to the school nearest our house and then I can move my other children to that school as well; thereby avoiding this teacher and any rumours altogether - might sound a bit extreme but I feel really bad about the situation.

I'm hoping it's salvegeable (pmsl sorry, brain freeze on how to spell that word!).

OP posts:
TheSpleen · 13/01/2013 10:52

Jeez is this still going?

Does he play the guitar? It is a fact well know stereotype that naughty, male primary school teachers play the guitar. I had one in my primary and the DC had one in their last school, by the time he'd left he'd shagged 12 mums, 4 members of female staff, 1 TA, 2 governors and 3 of the dads

He sounds flaky UhOh and flakiness becomes unattractive very quickly. You sound lovely, find someone worthy of your passion.

Original poster
uhohwhathaveidone · 13/01/2013 10:55

No but there is one that does!

When I said I hoped it was...still can't spell the word; able to be saved slightly, I meant in a parent-teacher way.

OP posts:
TheSpleen · 13/01/2013 10:59

Then just talk to him normally and at times you normally would, if you walk past him in the corridor say hi. He'll eventually get a grip and realise that his behaviour is making life awkward for everyone... Hopefully.

DoctorAnge · 13/01/2013 11:06

I think he likes you but felt silly when you started ignoring him. Now he is behaving like a bit Of a twat.