Need brutally honest opinions and advice please, before I send myself insane!

[uhohwhathaveidone]

Ohh...I've messed up, I think.

Long story short (ish!), I have children in a local primary school. One of my children has a rather cute teacher who is only a year or two older than me, and I thought he might have a bit of a 'thing' for me - just from little things that I've probably over analysed and turned into something from nothing!

Basically it was just things like we've had quite a few meetings since September, and I thought I picked up a bit of chemistry as he had a twinkle in his eye, seemed to have this half smile on his face a lot of the time while he was talking to me, looked over at me a lot (during assemblies where the parents are invited, he would be looking in my direction a lot; I noticed out of the corner of my eye, and when I looked over at my child the teacher would suddenly look at my child too, as if he'd followed my gaze), a few times I walked past him on my way to the school office, and when I looked over at him his eyes would dart away, as if he'd been looking at me, he always seemed quite 'aware' of himself when I was around; when I like someone (or hate them!) I tend to try and act normal, but get it wrong and end up overemphasising my movements; he'd do this and once I was in the office (I volunteer in school sometimes), he walked past the window, then backed up, looked around the room for a few seconds (it's used as a storeroom and I was the only one in there) then glanced at me and walked off.

Anyway - he suddenly went a bit colder towards me; I have kept acting the same way, which mostly consists of when I have to walk past him in the mornings, making sure I'm talking to my children so my eyes are focused on them and I don't have to look at him (too shy!), only talking to him when I have to, pretty much ignoring him and avoding eye contact...so I don't get why his behaviour suddenly changed.

All of a sudden, he's laughing and joking with everyone else (literally), and not even saying hello to me, let alone laughing and joking! Now, anytime he sees me approaching the school gate with my children, he'll turn and go into the playground out of sight. Thought I was imagining it, but on the days I've sent the kids in on their own and 've stayed out of sight, he keeps his feet firmly rooted outside the gate and never goes into the playground!

He even ignored me yesterday...went to pick my child up, child came out upset over something so as there was only me and one other mum left in the playground, I though I'd quickly ask the teacher what was wrong with LO; he was looking in my direction as I was walking, yet when I got 6 feet away from him, he suddenly turned and went back into the classroom! The other mum looked at me and then him with a "what the...?" face and I was mortified!

So - sorry for the essay - bad gramma/punctuation is due to me trying to keep this as brief as possible - but I really need to know what's going on.

Why would he act this way; did I get it wrong when I thought he liked me, or could I have inadvertently done something to upset or annoy him, do you think?

It's all been in good humour....and if you re-read it all (all 6 pages if it) there is really good advice and some valid questions.

It is a bit sit-com ish.....especially the bit about the other mum in hot-pants.....

And I'm sorry, but he's done some weird shit too.

Me in the PPA room (not used for PPA anymore) designing some crappy poster for school, he walks past the window then backs up (why? he was on his way to yard duty), looks vaguely round the room for 30 seconds then glances at me and goes again.

Ok so he might have been suprised that a parent was in there, but I wouldn't have got in without the receptionist letting me in...not like I scaled a fence, so why was it necessary to do that?

Then stare at me every time I went out into the yard (to the shed, couldn't avoid going out there).

He's definnitely been doing more staring than me! :(

Well apart from the odd one or two that have said they thought he might like me too but is handing it badly/feels he can't take it any further, everyone else has been damn sure he couldn't possibly like me.

And yes, that's hurtful because I've NEVER been wrong when I've thought someone liked me, ever. I can usually always tell.

So why did I get it wrong this time? :(

Perhaps he was just surprised to see somebody in the room. The receptionist is at the main door of the school, no? Once you're in, you're in.

How do you KNOW he was staring at your when you went out to the yard. Where you walking backwards?

What did he do more than stare at you?

Are you going to admit to some wishful thinking? I rather think you're enjoying yourself a little on this thread, you have a captive audience.

Hahah......the ppa room really was prob him backing thinking "is that who I think it is....wtf?? She's in the ppa room now?! Uh oh"......if he fancied you it would've been perfect for him to come in and chat. Haha....sorry to laugh but it really really is like a sit com....I'm seeing that will mellor as the teacher. Sorry. I'm not taking the piss just trying you to see it for what it is and lighten up a bit over it. You do seem stressed out over it.

He was in front of me.

Im really laughIng now at the thought of this teacher turning corners, seeing you there and diving for cover!!! Sorry......come on you've got to admit it's a funny scenario. :)

How can anybody know whether he likes you or not? In all seriousness, we only know what you post. YOU must think yourself that he's not interested in you because you're not really grabbing on to the posts that say he is... so deep down, you KNOW he is not interested in you.

Why take it so much to heart? You haven't invested in this 'relationship' and neither can you. He's your child's teacher and you need to get a grip of your feelings before people do start noticing and treating you as a laughing stock.

There ARE plenty more fish in the sea.

I'm stressed out because everyone is making out I'm some loon!

You all think I'm reading too much into it, I didn't think I was because I was in the situation.

And mad eyed mums with hot pants on pushing to the front if the queue to speak to him.....I'm hearing Benny hill music!

Well, I'm hardly going to clutch onto the few posts that seem to think he does like me, and look like even more of a twat to you lot, am I?

In the first meeting, he found out I was from the same town as him originally.

He then told me almost exactly where he lives. He has always seemed 'aware' is the only way I can describe it, of me being around; I don't stand there staring, but I notice a change in his behaviour when I walk into a room.

He would go from being pleased to see me/smiling when he saw me in the morning, to completely blanking me in the afternoon.

One time I was walking out of the office, past they playground and glanced over at my child (who had their back to me, so I carried on walking) - suddenly the teacher shouted to my child that mummy was looking, but by then I was well past the playground anyway...there are a lot of times when I've glanced at him and he's already been looking at me.

I've been coming out of the hall a few times and he'd be at the end of the corridor talking to a teacher, but looking down in this direction and carried on looking as I walked out of the hall and out of sight, I've been walking past him in the corridor and glanced back (for various reasons; heard my child's voice, talking to another mum...) and he's been looking...

it all sounds very minor, but lots of minor things just seemed to add up to something bigger, that's all :(

Do you know what I think, UhOh? He was kind and pleasant to you, open and friendly, and then when you started liking him, he got the message and he doesn't want that. He's back-pedaling away from you hoping that you'll get the messge.

It's not a reflection on you, it's just something that he doesn't want. He's open and friendly to people where there's not a threat of drama... there is or was with you and he is telling you, loud and clear, that he doesn't want this.

It's up to you whether you get the message or whether you continue to rake through every thought, glance and coincidental meeting to glean signs that he is interested. Bear in mind though that you're putting those through a 'hopeful' filter... those are not the most transparent ones.

Sometimes minor things are just minor things and multiples of them are just, well... multiple minor things, not a big thing at all.

So, he's going to always think I like him then :/

And how do you know that he's trying to give me the message he's not interested?

Could it not be like someone else suggested; that I seemed to be ignoring him so he decided to back off?

Not clutching at straws, just trying to understand why you're so sure it's not the other option (seeing as some others suggested it might be)

Are you my friend OP? Not on the VERY south coast by any chance? I don't think she's aware that our new male primary school teacher spends ALL of morning line up and school kick out time staring at her with a very shy smile on his face (thought he was trying his luck with me at first but its definitely her dammit )

In all seriousness, you do sound like you're over thinking this. Go back to talking to him like your DC's teacher and try and ride out the crush! Male primary school teachers probably get lots of attention, an educated man who's good with small children what's not to like?! Your teacher sounds like he's aware of this, has played on it and for whatever reason has now chosen to back off, which is probably for the best all round.

No it is not something bigger I genuinely think that you are being a bit delusional. Plus if you lurk about the place looking at the floor constantly then how on earth do you know exactly what he is doing and where he is looking every second of the day (which you do seem to do through reading your slightly strange posts).

My guess is that he is a friendly guy and either he or someone else at the school (if it was my school then he may well be having the piss royally taken out of him for an obsessed Mum stalking him!) has realised that you are taking his friendliness completely the wrong way. So he is avoiding engaging with you.

Worried now that when I smile at Dads at parents' evening that they may be sizing me up as a conquest.....

Because if he liked you and/or wanted to pursue this with you... he would. It's that simple really. Men are usually quite clear about what they want.

It's possible that he thinks you're ignoring him so has backed off and, if you think that's the case, ask him out.

Bear in mind though that everybody on this thread has told you that it isn't a good idea as your child is in the school, but you must do what you think best.

I think you're clutching those straws very tightly indeed but if they give you comfort then...

It's just the fact that 100%, his weird/ignoring behaviour started just after I decided to start avoiding eye contact with him.

Before that, it was more normal - he'd smile, say hi, didn't run a mile when he saw me...

That's the only thing that got me thinking that maybe those people who'd said that he was ignoring me because I was ignoring him, might have been right.

But I will just chill and let him carry on playing silly buggers, if he wants to.

I'm not lurking around all the time - have you not read my posts?

I know I seem like I'm ignoring what you're saying but at least I'm commenting on what people have said and answering!

I made a point of NOT looking at him, talking to him (unless about my child), just generally being engaged in something else at all times when I was around him, apart from when circumstances meant we had to talk.

I just thought that if he liked me, but I started ignoring him so he thought he'd better not risk carrying on with anything, then maybe I coud somehow get back on better terms with him again.

Oh, I don't know.

I'm just not used to misreading things when it comes to men, that's all.

OP I think that you sound like a very sweet but very inexperienced teenager! If he liked you, you would know and you being shy around him would spur him on not make him back off. I think it's best to leave it alone but I know how hard crushes can be.

And also...there is literally no one at the school that has seen the way I act around him.

Outside of school, the Head is usually at the opposite gate so she won't have noticed anything, there aren't any staff members that would have notice, I'm 100% on that.

And try and think of your dcs in all of this - you may think that you are being subtle but you may well be very easy to read! I wish you all the best in any case.

(if it was my school then he may well be having the piss royally taken out of him for an obsessed Mum stalking him!)

Yep, mine too.

What about when 'shy' comes across as ignorant though?

I'm just looking at myself; the way I see him coming across as avoiding me, is exactly how I have been acting towards him, so surely he could be thinking the same of me, as I am of him? (in that I'm avoiding him for some reason)

I AM being subtle, trust me.

And...I was convinced I DID know! He's exhibiting the signs that the other people who've liked me have...but hey, you know best I suppose.