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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Need brutally honest opinions and advice please, before I send myself insane!

368 replies

uhohwhathaveidone · 12/01/2013 10:33

Ohh...I've messed up, I think.

Long story short (ish!), I have children in a local primary school. One of my children has a rather cute teacher who is only a year or two older than me, and I thought he might have a bit of a 'thing' for me - just from little things that I've probably over analysed and turned into something from nothing!

Basically it was just things like we've had quite a few meetings since September, and I thought I picked up a bit of chemistry as he had a twinkle in his eye, seemed to have this half smile on his face a lot of the time while he was talking to me, looked over at me a lot (during assemblies where the parents are invited, he would be looking in my direction a lot; I noticed out of the corner of my eye, and when I looked over at my child the teacher would suddenly look at my child too, as if he'd followed my gaze), a few times I walked past him on my way to the school office, and when I looked over at him his eyes would dart away, as if he'd been looking at me, he always seemed quite 'aware' of himself when I was around; when I like someone (or hate them!) I tend to try and act normal, but get it wrong and end up overemphasising my movements; he'd do this and once I was in the office (I volunteer in school sometimes), he walked past the window, then backed up, looked around the room for a few seconds (it's used as a storeroom and I was the only one in there) then glanced at me and walked off.

Anyway - he suddenly went a bit colder towards me; I have kept acting the same way, which mostly consists of when I have to walk past him in the mornings, making sure I'm talking to my children so my eyes are focused on them and I don't have to look at him (too shy!), only talking to him when I have to, pretty much ignoring him and avoding eye contact...so I don't get why his behaviour suddenly changed.

All of a sudden, he's laughing and joking with everyone else (literally), and not even saying hello to me, let alone laughing and joking! Now, anytime he sees me approaching the school gate with my children, he'll turn and go into the playground out of sight. Thought I was imagining it, but on the days I've sent the kids in on their own and 've stayed out of sight, he keeps his feet firmly rooted outside the gate and never goes into the playground!

He even ignored me yesterday...went to pick my child up, child came out upset over something so as there was only me and one other mum left in the playground, I though I'd quickly ask the teacher what was wrong with LO; he was looking in my direction as I was walking, yet when I got 6 feet away from him, he suddenly turned and went back into the classroom! The other mum looked at me and then him with a "what the...?" face and I was mortified!

So - sorry for the essay - bad gramma/punctuation is due to me trying to keep this as brief as possible - but I really need to know what's going on.

Why would he act this way; did I get it wrong when I thought he liked me, or could I have inadvertently done something to upset or annoy him, do you think?

OP posts:
mammadiggingdeep · 12/01/2013 20:18

Another teacher saying the same......it just shouldn't happen, and I agree, in most cases teachers are far too stressed and busy tO fancy/ flirt with parents. It's just not what we go to work for!!!!

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 12/01/2013 20:19

uhoh... IF it ended, do you really think you could leave it alone? You seem to read so much into things that any relationship you had with this guy would be stressful at all stages of it.

Are you usually this intense? Shock

uhohwhathaveidone · 12/01/2013 20:21

I was just trying to give reasons why i thought he might have liked me...if I'd come on saying "I think my child's teacher fancies me", then i thought people would have been replying asking how I came to this conclusion - so i thought back over the last few weeks and came up with some explainations to cut out the middle man.

That's all.

OP posts:
mammadiggingdeep · 12/01/2013 20:22

Another one who thinks you would bring it into work environment if it ended......look at how you've already analysed every move/ breath he's taken....and nothings even happened. I wonder if your dc's have noticed you act differently around mr. Hottie?????

uhohwhathaveidone · 12/01/2013 20:24

Ok...I do get the message you know!

OP posts:
DioneTheDiabolist · 12/01/2013 20:26

OP your relationship with the institution that teaches your DCs has already suffered based on nothing more than a possible flirtation with this man. A full blown relationship with him would be very damaging.

SolidGoldFrankensteinandmurgh · 12/01/2013 20:27

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

mammadiggingdeep · 12/01/2013 20:29

Ha ha....you did say brutally honest. Seriously though, it'd be just as messy for you as for the guy. You'd have other mums gossiping about you etc. X

uhohwhathaveidone · 12/01/2013 20:31

To be fair, I should imagine they're doing that anyway.

OP posts:
mammadiggingdeep · 12/01/2013 20:34

:( well don't give them any more fuel then. That's not nice for you or your dc.

mammadiggingdeep · 12/01/2013 20:35

Solid- bit harsh!!! Not 'any' man...a specific man at school.

uhohwhathaveidone · 12/01/2013 20:36

Look, I'm not giving them fuel.

I know how I've been acting and it isn't as bad as it seems on here.

I'm fairly sure he doesn't know I like him, however he probably is wondering why I keep looking at the floor when I walk past him, so I'll jst stop doing that.

OP posts:
uhohwhathaveidone · 12/01/2013 20:37

I also wasn't obsessing over words...I was obsessing over him looking at me a lot :p

OP posts:
mammadiggingdeep · 12/01/2013 20:38

Why would they be gossiping about u then? I thought you meant because of the flirtation/ignoring stuff going on....

uhohwhathaveidone · 12/01/2013 20:42

I did...personally I just dont think I've given it away that much.

I know I keep on about this, but 'obvious' would be always booking meetings with the teacher - rather than this time, with the TA because she was the one who is involved with the specific issue I was wanting to talk about (I didn't know she'd call me into the classroom). He was the one that started looking over at me first, right back in September - it was only a few weeks after that I started liking him.

When I take my kids to school or pick them up, I never hang around longer than is necessary and I only speak to him when it's an important matter concerning my child that is in his class.

Yes, I look down when I walk past him or look the other way, but that could just be construed as me being ignorant or with something on my mind, rather than fancying him couldn't it?

Him ignoring me, coincides with when I started to 'ignore' him - it's just that he's started avoiding being anywhere near me too, as well as just being a bit cold towards me.

OP posts:
uhohwhathaveidone · 12/01/2013 20:45

I also turn up to school looking rough as anything a lot of the time; in complete contrast to the 'other' single mum by the way who quite often turns up in hotpants, her coat open, no tights and stands right at the front of the group of parents at pick up time.

That's obvious! :) I'm slinking at the back looking like a mess and staring at my feet! lol.

OP posts:
mammadiggingdeep · 12/01/2013 20:46

Seriously, mean this really, really nicely...just forget it. think most people on here have suggested it's not appropriate or you've prob read it all wrongly.

uhohwhathaveidone · 12/01/2013 20:51

Ok.

OP posts:
Fairenuff · 12/01/2013 20:53

but how about teachers teaching their own children; does that happen at your schools, Fairenuff

It's happened once in my school. How is that relevant? The teacher wasn't dating a parent.

uhohwhathaveidone · 12/01/2013 21:11

I know, I was just thinking slight conflict of interest but you're right; it's completely different.

OP posts:
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 12/01/2013 21:14

uhoh... Be careful that Ruth Jones at Tidy Productions doesn't get her hands on this thread. There's enough raw material here for a talent like hers to make a fab Sky drama... Grin

Aww, I feel for you though. You really do like this guy a lot and when you say that you look at your feet, all insipid and meek like, I read it as you sidling up to him, screeching to a dead halt before doing the most elaborate bow, almost bent double looking at your feet, muttering darkly under your breath, "I do not fancy you, not a bit - why would you ever think that? Now look at me, damn you..." before stomping off in the opposite direction, slamming doors as you go...

Your description of the other single mum tells me that this is somehow not the end... not nearly the end... Wink

Fairenuff · 12/01/2013 21:18

I know, I can't believe we have discussed 'not looking at someone I fancy' for six pages and yet, like you, I feel it's not over yet Grin

uhohwhathaveidone · 12/01/2013 21:21

I'm never within 10 feet of the guy, trust me.

Getting a bit sick of the piss taking now, to be hoenst.

As if no one has ever fancied someone before!

OP posts:
uhohwhathaveidone · 12/01/2013 21:22

Dammit spelling!

OP posts:
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 12/01/2013 21:26

It's gentle joshing,, uhoh, you've had the same advice all through the thread and your responses invite further comment. I don't mean to upset you, honestly, I think most of us have been there at some point in our lives but I really do admire your fortitude and dogged persistence in keeping on your point.