it's a new dawn, it's a new day ..........it dating thread 36!

[lulubellaboozle]

Post away daters x

Thing is now I am going to be reading sexual inuendo into everything. eg I love dogs=dogging...

Hi everyone,

I've missed approximately the last 700 messages due to being preoccupied with my POF relaunch (with pics this time, brave huh).

Couple of questions for the POF experts:

I've been looking at a particular guy on there; he comes up in Search but does not come up in My Matches even though from what I can see we're a reasonable fit in terms of age, location, hobbies etc, and we're both down as seeking a relationship/long term.

Also, he doesn't come up on the page that shows the last 30 people I've viewed, even though he is invariably in the last five or ten people I've viewed.

And he has never viewed my profile, according to the Viewed Me page.

Could this be because a) he has specified he wouldn't date a single parent and thus I am blocked from him, or b) He has been contacting others for sex/IE and I have that category blocked, or c) both of the above?! What do you think is more likely?

Nothing exciting to report from me, sadly. Only one articulate message all day and he's not my type. Have got the height problem too as I'm tall and I like taller men.

I would say b, tamoo

You can't specify no single parents anywhere on PoF registration as far as I remember.

you cant filter out single parents and stuff like that on pof, in fact, there isnt a box to state you are one.....

dont worry about chasing ' viewed me' etc and all that rubbish, if you like the look of him, send him a message.

tamoo can you not tweak your profile as per a, then as per b, check if he becomes visible either way, then restore profile to original?

There is a question that says 'Would you date someone who has kids?' but I can't remember where it is, ie I'm not sure if it is part of the mail settings and thus blocks single parents from view in the same way it blocks sex messagers.

I'm not ready to initiate messaging, know that sounds pathetic but it's my first time even attempting dating in bloody ages and I'm taking it slooooow!

Antonym that is a good idea.

i think thats only if you answer the two quiz things though, most people dont bother, its not compulsary.

honestly, just send him a message, whats the worst thats going to happen?

You cant filter at all, you can stimpulate ' must not be looking for intimate encounter' and it will block those that have that as their setting. and ages and stuff, but nothing like lone parents.

send a message, just something like ' Hi, liked your profile, thought id say hello. How are you?'
worst than can happen is he doenst reply.
best is you get a date.

go for it :)

I did what Ant suggested (unchecked the box marked 'Has messaged others seeking sex blah blah) and he still doesn't show up on my matches or my last 30 views. So it must be a block at his end.

I think it maybe does filter out single parents if you say you would not want to date them, otherwise why would it ask? The question is in the 'About You' section not the relationship quiz.

That would also explain why he has never even viewed my profile in spite of being online several times a day/middle of the night. I don't appear in his searches.

Mind you I guess his filter could be something else. Maybe he wants someone black/Japanese/earning over £100,000 p/a.

Not that I'm obsessing over the only good looking bloke in my town, or anything.

Just message him :o

Go on Tamoo do it!

Ah jeez I'm def not messaging him now. I just logged out and did a search for women my age in our area. Bloody hell they are all gorgeous! And I mean all of them. A lot of professional pictures too. I can't compete, no wonder he's not even looked at my profile.

I'm amazed, actually, since the equivalent search for men throws up all sorts of horrors.

I will have to move.

And no wonder he's online all the time, it's like a catalogue for a modelling agency.

Oh shush - I looked too once and thought the same. Then shrugged and carried on anyway and it never stopped me getting what/who I wanted.

Message him!

And balls to the single parent thing, if it filtered out everyone with children there would be no one left on the site. Messssaaaage hiiiiiiiim!!

tamoo, really, there is NO WAY of filtering out single parents. you just cant do it.

dont be daft.

just message him.

and dont compare yourself to other women either.

remember, you are the prize, you shouldnt be worried about impressing them, they need to impress you.

in case you didnt get the hint,it is : message him

:)

tamoo that's how I met my man (still together), I messaged him.
Try it, you have nothing to lose.

That's how I met mine too, oddly enough ... There might be a few of us like that on here

Go to 'Edit Profile'.

In the 'About You' section there is a drop box with the question 'Would you date someone who has kids?'

You are able to answer Yes, No, or that you only date single parents.

It must be there as a filter or else they wouldn't ask.

Also the following is copied and pasted from the 'My Matches' page:

"If in your profile you specified that you will not date a smoker, then no smokers will show up in any of your search results. The same rule applies if you said that you would not date a single parent (applies only if you are under age 43). Click here to edit your profile."

because thats how it works.... you have to message people.

its not a marriage proposal, just an email.

Well I was right about the single parent thing so there's no point messaging him anyway.

I'm not enjoying this!

well, then, hes an arse, and not suited to you anyway... so, dont worry about it.

that must be a new thing, ive not seen it/ paid any attention to it.

It's not a block though, it's just filtering them out of the matches, which are a bunch of shite anyway and very rarely make sense...

and he might have selected it without really thinking, like you have with your 'block those who have messaged IE profiles' thing - because there was a strong possibility he may have done, and you were still interested in him... after all, someone may have only done so once, or not even realised what category the person they messaged was in.

Message him! :o

Watch Long time lurker just jumping in regarding what you said about a fetish being part of the personality if you don't mind. I've been chatting to a guy who appears to have a huge bit of a knicker fetish.
I'm not bothered about it but found what you said about it being a part of them really interesting. You said that often the original fetish becomes mundane and they may progress onto more.
I'm a bit niave and fairly vanilla in this respect so wonder if I may be out of my depth with this guy. I don't see him as a long term relationship though, more like just a bit of fun.

IwasTess

Jumping in myself here as this is a hot topic for me, having my non vanilla side myself.

Not just fetishes really, any turn on tends to do similar. I also don't think it's really that it becomes mundane, just other things may be added into it.

For example when much younger I would find very tame images exciting, and quite tame (although sexual) stories. Eventually I started to want things a bit more graphic though.

I don't think it's always a given with kink.. indeed I know men who have stayed true to one thing that absolutely does it for them and never progressed onto other things or 'more' and plenty who like me have a kinkier side but are still completely overjoyed with regular, 'normal' sex.