Western it was me Lulu not Lubey!!
Well I have told Mr Ex Army a lot about my experience, which was mainly controlling and manipulative behaviour with some physical stuff. I didn't even realise I was in an abusive relationship, until it ended and my Doctor suggested it to me and I denied the reality even then. So I am spending a lot of time reflecting on past events and seeing them through new eyes. and despite my fears of earlier today he hasn't run for the hills and he has dealt with plenty of shit he didn't sign up for in the beginning.
When I read your post, I see my thoughts in it - not that I want to turn into a total needy wreck or anything and I really really don't want to get heavy on him, do you recognise that even by posting that you are more concerned about the impact telling him will have on him rather than your own need to share who you are with someone you care about. And I only point that out, as it could be me writing that.
I think if you feel the need to tell him and open the door a little bit then you should. Maybe a little bit of information, an insight and then see how he responds - hopefully you can gauge from that how he would respond to more and build from there.
I think most people will say talk face to face, but I'm like you and I find it difficult to get stuff out of my mouth unless it's a meltdown and that's not helpful. so I have emailed Mr ExArmy when I couldn't say stuff face to face and he then brings it up on the phone or when talks more when he sees me. Having said that, I can tell he doesn't like all the gory details, or rather, it's not he doesn't like it, he just doesn't know what to say sometimes as it is an outside his realms of experience.
I don't know if this all helps or not?!