The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Are Going To Need A Bigger Bus!

[Mouseface]

Hello, tis me, Mouse

Welcome to the Brave Babes Battle Bus, it's a place of solace, support and sanctuary, but also it's also a Bus full of chatterboxes, waffling on about all sorts!

Our aim this year is to kick the WineWitch or WW into touch and get sober!

Some of the Babes on board are doing Dry January, some drink in moderation, some just drink. Some of us are sober, some of us are trying so very, very hard to be.

Some of us have been dry for days, weeks, months and some of us years...... some of us are just starting out and are scared of what stopping drinking means. It's not forever, it's just for today if that's what you want.

We have a saying on the Bus One Day At A Time. Or ODAAT

Take each moment, each day and each blip as it comes.

Although some Babes have been here a while and kind of 'know' each other, we all have different lives, different roles to play, different places to sit on the Bus, but we ALL have or have had abusive relationships with alcohol and we're here because we want that to change; for the better.

EVERYONE IS WELCOME HERE so don't be afraid to just jump right in and say hello. Post as much or as little as you like! It's all up to you.

For those who want to catch up - here is the PREVIOUS THREAD

And the first ever thread, with links to the others over the last almost 3 years! FIRST THREAD

LOL! I'm not sure about calling someone smells either. I wasn't going to say nuffink only ma went right ahead anyway (good!)

Please don't tell me that my angel faced little blighter will turn into a sock littering teenager. Wimpers.

I've read a little of the 'don't let the bastards...' book and it's great. I have a name for how I'm feeling at the moment- emotional hangovers! That makes sense to me. The author talks about 'the fog' lifting after a few months, which to be fair, faire has already pointed out. But I am beginning to retain information for longer and don't feel that I'm about to lose all grasp on my perspicacity. So there.

Weigh in for me too on Friday kot. Laughed at blimp kind - think its going to be a long haul.
Mum is a bit better tonight. Has sent bro a card saying she loves him no matter what and he can just come home when he needs to. She is sad and resigned I suppose. Its very hard.

sockhunter is a great name!
Ds will be 11 soon. Can't even begin to think about wank socks.... Mind you the day I found a vibe under dd1s pillow was a memorable one...

Evening Babes Busy day here today got lots of excercise and managed to concentrate through a 4 hour meeting too - tired now and want to go to bed soon. Baby I so feel for you just concentrate on getting through the next couple of nights sober - when I first joined the bus I was withdrawing on my little lifeboat of a bed - prior I had thought my sweating etc was the menopause (I'm 50) but it was the DRINK! Can't believe tomorrow will be my 5th week sober its all thanks to you babes and AA I go to 2 or 3 meetings a week (that's one bottle's worth of drinking time previously) and take from them what I will. I keep going back because I AM SOBER for the first time in absolutely yonks - so something is working. If you can get yourself down to a meeting (lunchtimes or womens groups are less intimidating - but remember we are all sober so don't worry about grungy types - I've never met one yet - you'll be surprised how normal we all are).

Weight loss going well too 10lbs now - slowly weaning myself off the sugar (she says having had 4 pieces of fruit cake at the meeting!)

So for tomorrow I WILL NOT BE DRINKING.

Night Babes

la la la la la my little darling is not going to turn into a wanking
teenager!!

I like "smellthecoffee"

Koti I am certainly a blimp - still in sidecar, have put on weight in January and am smoking again - overeating, drinking and smoking! WTF is wrong with me? I think I need to really unpick what is going on in my head, I'm trying to stifle feelings or boredom with ingesting something . I don't think it's enough to "give up" something I have to find something to fill the whole ingesting does. I think I'm lazy doing something new requires more effort than the ingesting which invariably involves a walk to the kitchen.

Koala You rock!

koala u are truly an inspiration.
I'm back on dry January after a mid-month hiccup. This is the most afds I have ever had in a year, let alone in one month.

Oh Green I just wrote you a long post and lost it! So I'll try again...

the jist of it was I was just like you drinking smoking eating badly and I didn't know how to cope with living sober. What would I do if not drinking, what if i didn't like it, what if I failed and had to admit that this is my life. I too thought I was a 'lazy cow' and wasn't that what lazy cos did ? But every day (one day at a time) I've re-discovered things to do - I can still be a bit of a lazy cow too - but that's ok. the days don't exactly fly by - but it's nice to feel a little bit normal to re-connect with the world in little ways.

Unpicking your head is difficult enough sober - nigh on impossible drunk - just try it one day at a time and see what happens.

Because you're worth it lovely.
xx

Well done Ma that's great :) - really hoping I'll be joining you tomorrow

Evening, tis me, Mouse

Koala - you'll be surprised how normal we all are and there in lies the truth...... Normal.

Alcohol abusers are normal. They're you, me, your mum, dad, brother, sister, boss, best friend, bloke who works in Morrison's, lady who crosses the children across the main road to school.....

'Normal' = functioning people. Every day hims and hers.

Trinity - I'm so proud of you for getting through this anniversary the way you did sweetheart. I remember your threads about losing your DH, and how desperate you were to stop your pain, to bring him back. The fear, the worry for your DC, the social workers getting involved, you resolve to keep going.

Every time you fell, you got right back up again. Every time. Even if it took a day or 8, you got up! You are so brave Babe xxx

I remember when you had to go and pick his things up from his works van. You said some incredibly raw things and I remember thinking I wish I could reach into the screen and hold you.

You are a real inspiration to us all. You are wonderful and should be shouting from the rooftops at just how well you managed to kick the living shit out of the WineWitch

Thank you for posting and telling us how you are xxxx

Ma - just {{{{{{hugs}}}}}} and at your gorgeous girl. Talented ladies in that house of yours.

Purple - much more positive posts from you! Yay.

SENCO went well. I'm knackered and had an utterly shit night with Nemo following his jabs last night so I'm going to bed.

My menopause (I'm 3fucking8) is all over the place and causing me ishooooos. Time for some doc advice I think?

Anyway, well done to those who have done another day of kicking ass. To those who have fallen into the side-car, keep trying, keep fighting when you feel strong enough.

Sorry not to NC everyone, it's always lovely to see the Bus so busy but I forget most of it!

Night all xxxxx

Koala thank you, you are an inspiration :)

Sweet dreams Mouse hope you get a good nights sleep - so pleased Nemo is getting on well at school x

Am shocked that I have managed 15 days without alcohol....will now go back and read the whole thread

Winey you rock too! :)

:( drinking wine

Morning Babes, thanks for your kind words, as always. Hope you are all warm in this Arctic weather! I think I must be part lizard - I need to find a warm rock to crawl onto and feel the sun on my back before I get going.

Off to the course again today. It's team building day, which I was dreading, but it seems it's no longer that 'fall backwards and trust your 'partner' to catch you' sort of bullshit - no - we are going bowling! Still a little grumpy about it all but I've identified that the reason I'm not happy is that it takes me away from my Comfort Zone - my house and my lovely warm bed. So, on the whole, it's probably a necessary evil. On the suggestion board of team building ideas (of which, I made no suggestions as I wasn't there on the 'taster' session) is a visit to Wetherspoons!! Hmmm, that would be interesting!

Just wanted to say....Good morning Curry. Well done for your post last night. Posting the not-so-positive stuff is, IMO, more important to the poster than the positive bits. I hope you got a reasonable sleep last night and feel better this morning. What was it, do you know, that made you vulnerable? Is there something you could next time to body-swerve that feeling/situation? As always, don't beat yourself up - it's counter productive. Be nice to yourself and celebrate that this is a new, virgin day - an unwritten page. Good luck, Sweetpea. x

Morning, tis me, Mouse

Curry - I agree with what Purple posted and I too wondered if there was a trigger that let the WW in last night? Are you okay? xx

Purple - I do think that gone are the days of 'right, you;re all going to stand in a circle and hold hands and tell the person to your left...........' and team building is much more geared towards activities you'd actually do in real life! and also, it creates a bit of healthy competition, again, something that happens when you are going for job interviews, you're competing against others.

Go get um! xx

Well done Winey!! Go you!! 15 days is half way to a month

Koala - Unpicking your head is difficult enough sober - nigh on impossible drunk - just try it one day at a time and see what happens. - that's how I felt about a lot of things in my past life. I love that you posted that.

My head was such a tangled web of negative experiences and traumatic emotional baggage, I had to be sober to even find a place to begin unpicking the tight knitted mass.

boing! Day 13 (I think, starting to lose count which is a good thing!)

I don't know why I'm boingy, whether its not drinking or the magnesium & potassium supplements I've started taking or the extra dose of mirtazapine. Maybe all three.

I guess I just have to keep doing ALL the above, and not worry too much about the actual reason

purple have fun today!

mouse you don't need to apologise for writing about you! its all inspirational...

Well done aliasjoey.

thanks purple and mouse.
don't feel too bad today, drank about the equivalent of a bottle of wine though and don't feel great either. Eating crap too. I feel really shit about this. Have drunk twice now in "dry" jan.

I can pinpoint the exact moments at which things went wrong.
I can see exactly what I should have done instead.

The stupid reason is that I was drinking because I felt so good. It was a false sense of security. I was feeling happy, fit, euphoric at seeing certain people outside the usual routine. A drink to celebrate a social occasion is one thing, not great as I said to myself I wouldn't, but still. The bit I am really feeling shit about is carrying it on on the train and at home, because that is just stupid drunk why-should-I-stop-drinking behaviour

I went to bed when there was a glass of wine left in the bottle though. I looked at it and thought "may as well drink that" and then I thought "no, I want to go to bed, why would I drink more when I know I want to go to bed". so maybe that is a step forward of sorts.

also if you look at the units over a week it is still under the woman's allowance so it is not like drinking every day, even though I know binge drinking is not good for you it at least this is not where I was in December,

Thank you for the good wishes, trying to look at this as a new day but it doesn't feel like it because I know I feel physically crap because of wine

Also - depression - I haven't felt depressed this month at all when not drinking. I have felt anxious, I have lots going on and lots to sort out, but that awful despair and can't cope feeling is totally related to alcohol. I don't think alcohol caused my mental problems, I think I had the problems before I started trying to self medicate them with booze. But now I think they are definitely making them worse and maybe they would go away completely, at least for periods, if I didn't drink. but I do, and I am an idiot. No, but I did. I did drink. I don't have to drink today. I don't have to drink tomorrow.

Good luck today everyone

Morning all
alias My meds started actually working once I stopped self-medicating with drink. Well done on day 13 - it's great when you stop counting isn't it!
Mouse thanks for your support - I do wonder sometimes if I'm deluding myself with all the 'boinginess' and newfound self-belief - it's lovely to hear from you that you've been there and punched through it all - you're still punching well above your weight as far as I can tell from here - good luck with the snowman.
Hi Curry I agree with Purple today is a new page - even if you just do some colouring in, or doodling you are allowed to start afresh. Looks like the bus had an early night last night or we would have been there for you.

Got to go out and work as we've avoided the snow so far down in the SW, but expecting a dump of it tomorrow, so got to try to finish everything today.

I WILL NOT BE DRINKING TODAY.

at Koala for "even if you just do some colouring in or doodling"! x

Curry- it sounds like you have a good idea of what triggered your drinking last night and you see it for what it was. Do everything you can to avoid those triggers and keep posting!

Morning all. Just been for a walk and my thighs are frozen. No snow here but forecast for tomorrow yay!!
curry as you say you've still drunk far less than you would normally have done and your recognising the positives of not drinking so much. I suffer anxiety badly and Definately find it worse the day after I've had a drink. I think when we're not hungover and feeling so cheesed off with ourselves we just feel more positive and able to cope.

curry please don't let an itty bitty bottle undo all the hard work. Think about it in the food sense, slim people eat at McDonald's BUT they remain slim because its only once in a while, it's all the time that makes us fat and you just had a wee happy meal, no biggie. When I'm drinking I eat crap, I smoke (never ever smoke so sober) I don't take make up off
And don't do anything nice for myself. It's a way to punish myself, it only leads me straight back to the bottle!!!! So think of all the days you have not drank and be the "slim girl" at McDonald's x

Thank you so much everyone.
You're all right of course - I just need time to put this into context - time with no booze.
Pretty sure I'm going to take the car next time I go out. Safest. I am not ready to be released into the wild, it is clear - if I ever will be.

babyjane, I love that thought about being the slim girl at mcdonalds. I read in a short story once "it's what you do every day that changes you" and it really stuck with me. For good or bad, it is what you do every day that makes you who you are.

Glad you reminded me of that because it is making me think about the things I do want to do every day instead of the ones I don't... thinking positive

Things I want to do every day

Write
Pray
Walk fast and feel the weather
pay a compliment
Kiss my family
Sing

Sounds like a plan, love it x x