The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Are Going To Need A Bigger Bus!

[Mouseface]

Hello, tis me, Mouse

Welcome to the Brave Babes Battle Bus, it's a place of solace, support and sanctuary, but also it's also a Bus full of chatterboxes, waffling on about all sorts!

Our aim this year is to kick the WineWitch or WW into touch and get sober!

Some of the Babes on board are doing Dry January, some drink in moderation, some just drink. Some of us are sober, some of us are trying so very, very hard to be.

Some of us have been dry for days, weeks, months and some of us years...... some of us are just starting out and are scared of what stopping drinking means. It's not forever, it's just for today if that's what you want.

We have a saying on the Bus One Day At A Time. Or ODAAT

Take each moment, each day and each blip as it comes.

Although some Babes have been here a while and kind of 'know' each other, we all have different lives, different roles to play, different places to sit on the Bus, but we ALL have or have had abusive relationships with alcohol and we're here because we want that to change; for the better.

EVERYONE IS WELCOME HERE so don't be afraid to just jump right in and say hello. Post as much or as little as you like! It's all up to you.

For those who want to catch up - here is the PREVIOUS THREAD

And the first ever thread, with links to the others over the last almost 3 years! FIRST THREAD

Morning all.

koala, what a great post to read!

curry - I like the idea of that list. When I'm really rough, I try to make sure I get 30 minutes before I go to sleep where I don't read or talk to DH, I just try to switch off and listen to some music or something. It really helps - and is one of the things you can't do if you're drinking! I couldn't take 'sing' from your list because it'd be cruel to anyone listening! But I love the rest.

mouse - lovely image of Nemo enjoying the snow!

My friend has just posted some of the most beautiful pictures of the heavy white frost this morning - it was actually outlining spiders' webs, it was that thick. Absolutely beautiful. It made me feel really positive and hopeful.

Hello everyone - did you miss me yesterday !! I haven't had time to blow my nose in the past two days but am here, still not drinking. All is good. Molly got her place at the school - 28 places for 70 children, so proud of her - could've cracked open the champagne (but didn't) will read posts later. Hope all is well x

well that boing didn't last long, did it. I feel really anxious and worried - stupid little things, not even worth the time to think about, let alone worry - I feel like a tight little ball, all wound up and the only thing which will loosen it as a drink.

Fuck.

Anyway.

eastholly congratulations on your DD getting in the school AND for you not cracking open the champagne!

Hello there lovely babes

Big wave

curry feeling good is one of my downfalls- thank you for posting about it. When really nice things happen or something sociable occurs that's one of my biggest triggers. It's pretty understandable though, even if it isn't a very wise decision.Oh well, onwards and upwards babes

just had a lightbulb moment - I drink to hide from myself not other people.

(((Joey))) It doesn't work though pet; you'll still be there when you sober up, and you'll feel even worse about yourself - I'm speaking from bitter, self-flagellating experience here.

Can you plan something really nice and tasty for dinner? Healthy, preferably, so you can feel nourished in every way.

Good afternoon babes
i hope you all approve of my name change.
Kotinka liked sockhunter but loved the idea of a phoenix. don't care if it is cheesy although i'm still scrabbling around in the ashes at the mo on my knees.

to all who felt uncomfortable calling me 'smells', i feel i need to tell you that it might be more apt than 'fragrant'. i haven't be able to shave my armpits or wear deodorant for 4 weeks due my radiotherapy

to all who believe their DSs will stay that way forever, it is only a matter of time - a short time - before they will be steeped in testosterone and will have discovered their willies. the last time i had a rant at my DS to tidy ub up his bedroom - in the hope that he might be a bit embarrased by the socks - he just put said 'used' items back in his underwear drawer (as i found out a couple of weeks later) WTF!! but Ma really a vibe [shocked]

Baby how are you doin' today, hun?

Curry I've also done this loads of times. you seem to have gained insight from what happened. you will be able to use this next time the ww and her partner the beer bitch try and trick you.

Holly congrats. nothing wrong with trying to do the best for your children.

Joey left you till last because i think you're the most important right now. what do you think has changed? silly question, i know, as if you could answer that you wouldn't be feeling so confused and bewildered (sorry for asuming that you do feel like this, it's just the feeling i got from your post. and i recognised it. i don't actually think there has to be an actual change in your circunstances or surroundings, just your mood.
Try and be kind to yourself. I sthere anything that will distract you. some 'distracting' things for me would be

do my nails - ifind something theraputic in pushing cuticles back trimming and painting - they have to be long

read a crap magazine

pluck eyebrows - don't end up with a permanent srprised expression though

HOLD ON to the fact - YES FACT - that this will pass. you can drink or not drink but the conpulsion will pass

i'm also beginning to feel anticipation for the weekend. ie. getting bladdered 'normally' like everyone else. but it's not normal. i'm just taking it one half-hour at a time, never mind one day - that's far too long to look ahead when the craving is at its worst.

Love to everyone

thanks mia you're right about the self-flagellating!

healthy dinner - yet another thing to beat myself up about. loads of things I can't eat, for reasons I won't go into (TMI)

what are you cooking? your meals always sound delicious!

thanks phoenix and love the name change!

what happened was so minor compared to what you are going through. I just feel like other people think I am irresponsible/lazy/dumb and I got cross, both with them for thinking it, and with myself for coming across that way.

I am trying to focus on what I have achieved here (nearly 2 weeks!) and give a little pat on the back.

hmm you're right not to think too far ahead to the weekend, it must be so hard because you want to give yourself something to look forward to, and you deserve a treat after all that radiotherapy. must be an alternative to alcohol!

Joey, sorry for delayed reply, decided to brave the scrum of snow-crazed shoppers, stripping the shelves of waitrose like a swarm of middle class locusts.

Tonight for dinner is bean stew with chorizo and fresh chicken stock. Quick and easy with tinned beans, and although the chorizo is a bit naughty, a little goes a long way in terms of flavour and if I hardly use any oil otherwise I won't feel too guilty. It begs for a glass of red to go with, but I just won't think about that! Tomorrow will be squid puttanesca again.

I remember that you have GI problems, is it Crohns? What can't you eat? Maybe I can think of some recipes for you. Eating well has definitely made a huge difference to me these last few weeks. It's made me feel as though I'm nourishing myself both physically and emotionally.

Speaking of which... I know you've had experience of CBT before so I thought I'd mention this. When I had a short course of CBT a few months ago, the therapist felt that the thing I really need to focus on is self-compassion. He felt that I have 'intensely negative core beliefs' (no shit, sherlock ) which I need to turn around. He recommended an author called Paul Gilbert, whose website is here. www.compassionatemind.co.uk/ I found it incredibly cheesy and fairly excruciating, tbh - writing a letter of compassion to myself [boak] for example. But really, that only confirmed to me that it's something I needed to tackle. Anyway, I found it all very powerful and it really made me realise a lot of stuff, not least that one of the very few ways in which I was 'nice' to myself was to allow myself to drink a lot. Nourishing and constructive, not!

I also did some kind of woo stuff with a friend who is trained in EFT (emotional freedom technique or tapping). It sounds a bit nuts but actually it does make sense and I think it works. If you want to know more then I'm happy to explain.

So my rambling point is this... you seem very hard on yourself, and also brutal in your perceptions of what others think of you. I wondered if you find it hard to be kind, compassionate and forgiving to yourself, and if so, whether it might be helpful to do some work on that?

Hope I'm not overstepping the mark suggesting that, I'm just saying that I recognise my own thought patterns in some of the things you write, and wondered if what worked for me might help you.

hmm the compassionate mind does sound interesting (although sometimes I am useless e.g. got a bad review last year because I had not been keeping up with my work - no excuses)

I don't have crohns, actually don't have any disease any more, half my bowel was removed! but that brings its own problems, can't eat loads of vegetables & generally fussy.

I'd love to cook but feel very unadventurous. sorry, this is a very me, me, me post...

joey and mia an interesting technique that I learned was 'How to turn your ANTs into PETs'

ANTs = Automatic Negative Thoughts
PETs = Positive Empowering Thoughts / Performance Enhancing Thoughts

So when something happens and I get into a negative spiral that automatically turns negative (e.g. x didn't happen because they people / person in charge doesn't like me) - then the question I ask myself is: " could there possibly be any other explanations for them acting / reacting in that way?"

• maybe they really wanted to give me the job but they had to appoint the boss's son
• maybe I am so frighteningly competent that I make x feel a bit bad about themselves
• maybe it was just as they said... i.e. that I was really good and had some great skills, but that someone else just fitted the role better.

It's hard work, because I can be terribly unkind, brutal and harsh with myself (and with others too ) but it does give me some alternative perspectives to pay with.

"they people" is very Scottish phrase

Cooking doesn't have to be adventurous - especially at this time of year. Comfort food this week is macaroni cheese (with an unbelievably huge amount of cheese), shepherd's pie, sausages with onion grave and mashed potatoes, Californian fish (piece of lemon sole, topped with tartare sauce and chopped coriander, topped with cheese and breadcrumbs, and grilled). And soup. Always soup for comfort. Minestrone (light stock, tiny amount of pasta, tiny amount of chopped veg, tiny amount of beans - yet guaranteed to make you feel fab and full); pea and mint (stock, frozen peas, any left-over green veg, an onion); thai hot and sour (light stock made with lemongrass, ginger, coriander stems, plus a few prawns, a few strips of red pepper, a handful of frozen soy beans, a tiny amount of rice noodle, some chopped coriander leaf).

Venus nice ideas! I've got out of the habit, also I think surely a ready made shepherds pie is just as cheap as getting all the ingredients and doing it from scratch (god I am so lazy )

Checking in. Wine witch sniffing round tonight so have substituted with a bake well tart which is BAD as I am due a boot camp weigh in tomoz. Am tired and hungry and crabbit - another good Scottish word.
I am going to have to live this diet for EVER to get to target weight.

Evening. Just been for yet another walk, tried to loose ww while I was out but she followed me home.
My cooking is fairly simple too. Shepards pie. Fish pie. Stew & dumplings. Chilli. Curry. Pasta bakes. Jacket spuds with fillings. Mostly homemade but simple. I've still got a youngster at home so I find it easier to make things we can all eat and can hide veg in
Like the name phoenix

Hey hey hey babes, so hard on ourselves tonight. First of all every one of us is a good enough mother to want to try and beat our demons for their benefit, we are trying to give up something we love because we don't want to hurt others. We post to each other every day (strangers in the RL) to offer friendship and support to each other and even when we are not "online" we are thinking of and rooting for each other. I think we are a pretty special bunch of babes so there!!!!

ma if you lose one pound per month, by the time you are 70 you will be very slim

Evening, tis me, Mouse

Baby - great post and so true xxx

This weekend I am going to a spa to be pampered to within an inch of my life, with my bf and her mum. Then we're staying at her mum's house and getting a take-away.

I am having a while day and NIGHT off!

BUT.............. I feel bad about it. I feel like I'm dropping DH in the shit. Leaving him in the lurch. Someone slap me please?

Ma - I need the wet fish around my chops!

I know that I should be okay about having time out/off but I'm not. I out him to bed tonight, Nemo not DH, and wanted to lie there with him until daylight. I feel guilty for taking time out.

I know I'll be drinking on Saturday and it will be a measured amount across the day, a glass of champs on arrival, wine later on etc. but I'm thinking that actually, I'll accept the champs and then stick to soft drinks for the rest of the day, with dinner etc and then maybe have a glass later one.

You see if Nemo's tube comes out, I'll have to come home and re site it. DH can't do it. He's done it once. Almost 4 years ago.

Anyway, as Baby said, there are a lot of negative posts out there tonight! Stop it ladies, we are a Bus full of great success following NY so give yourselves a break!

Phoenix - loving the name - now all you have to do is rise from the ashes, and not go all Peter Kay!

I'm going to bed. One of my friends has a difficult weekend coming up and I am feeling rather sad for her. I wish I were nearer to her but still, she knows she's in my thoughts and that if I could, I'd be by her side in a heartbeat.

Night Brave Babes,

Stay strong.

Mouse xxxx