The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Are Going To Need A Bigger Bus!

[Mouseface]

Hello, tis me, Mouse

Welcome to the Brave Babes Battle Bus, it's a place of solace, support and sanctuary, but also it's also a Bus full of chatterboxes, waffling on about all sorts!

Our aim this year is to kick the WineWitch or WW into touch and get sober!

Some of the Babes on board are doing Dry January, some drink in moderation, some just drink. Some of us are sober, some of us are trying so very, very hard to be.

Some of us have been dry for days, weeks, months and some of us years...... some of us are just starting out and are scared of what stopping drinking means. It's not forever, it's just for today if that's what you want.

We have a saying on the Bus One Day At A Time. Or ODAAT

Take each moment, each day and each blip as it comes.

Although some Babes have been here a while and kind of 'know' each other, we all have different lives, different roles to play, different places to sit on the Bus, but we ALL have or have had abusive relationships with alcohol and we're here because we want that to change; for the better.

EVERYONE IS WELCOME HERE so don't be afraid to just jump right in and say hello. Post as much or as little as you like! It's all up to you.

For those who want to catch up - here is the PREVIOUS THREAD

And the first ever thread, with links to the others over the last almost 3 years! FIRST THREAD

JWN I do exactly that with my garden, have resorted to paying Gardner to cut & put weed killer down. I'm hoping if I can finally kick the ww into touch then this spring I can be out pottering about in my garden! mouse what a beautiful & brave post. I feel many, many similarities with your past experiences & I'm slowly learning that alcohol, drugs, good time friends are not my friends. Yet sobriety, good friends, family are the things that are important. My good time friends are not the ones who are there when my ds cry's at 6am & my day begins. You have had so much to deal with but yet you always look for the positives which is an amazing quality, go mouse
I went out for a meal with dh tonight & we are both having dry January. It was so so hard not to have a drink & I nearly ruined the whole night as I was actually pretty pissed off that I was there on a Saturday night & not having a few drinks. I could see loads of people around me drinking & felt really jealous. But I managed not to & do feel better now for it. Just off to bed. Night night all brave babes xx

Hello babes.

I've read your post, mouse - I feel pretty humbled by that. You are a very, very strong woman (but we knew that!).

purple - sorry to hear this, it sounds really crap.

needs - oh, your post rang some bells! Your DH sounds very like what mine was like a couple of years ago. I remember posting about it on here. Not that he was impatient with me but he really, really, really didn't get it. He'd constantly be telling me 'helpfully' to just have one and then no more.

The thing is - if you're like us (I'm saying 'us' based on your post, because I think we're in the same boat, but excuse me if you think I'm being rude to assume that), it is a weakness we can't have 'just one'. It is something I just can't do, not consistently, not the way some people can. And I do firmly believe that whatever the reasons behind that (some kind of biological predisposition, whatever), it's something we're pretty much stuck with. It takes huge amounts of willpower for us to cope with something other people can do easily. That is a weakness.

But then, everyone has weaknesses. Your DH (and mine) - they're no exception. So I end up saying to DH, yes, this is something that I really struggle with. Yes, it is something that puzzles you and you think I ought to be able to do, because you can do it. But I can't. And that's just the way it is.

I don't think it is very nice to make you feel if you've got a weakness, you still have to keep trying and (most likely) failing.

Whew, end of sermon.

Anyway ... this is the end of Day 3 for me. Thank you, lovely babes.

End of day 12 apart from one glass.
Ho hum

Jesus... Nice to hear from you!! You are a GOD for starting this amazing thread!
Mouse... You are amazing too!
Me.. Im still sitting in the side car... Wish I wasnt but tomorrow is my last day of work for the foreseeable future so tonight I am having a glass or 2 of red( please note. "Glass" as oppose to " bottles" which would normally be the norm! So, I have cut down (massivly") but am not quite back on the bus yet!
Next week I will have the delight of living with my parents again... Not looking forward to that one.. And on monday.. I WILL NOT BE DRINKING!

You are absolutely right, LRD, it is a weakness, and I definitely have it. I have no "off" button when it comes to drinking. I only stop on weekdays when it's time for bed (and I do adhere to that, because I need to be able to do my job and sleep badly enough as it is). On weekends, when I "relax", I stop drinking when I pass out. I call it "falling asleep", but let's face it, it's passing out. In social situations, I stop drinking when people refuse to let me have any more (bar staff, friends, etc). I'm actually a real disaster when it comes to social drinking, it has cost me plenty of friends, and those who have remained, try hard to avoid such situations because I'm a bloody liability. You know, when they have to call a taxi, and no cab driver will have me etc...I'm always without fail the most pissed, and I never know when to call it quits.
It's almost easier for me not to drink at all (which is NOT easy). When I do, it always ends the same way. I wish I could control it, but I don't think I'll ever be able to. You know when you watch TV and they show beautiful people on a summer's day with a glass of white wine looking happy and chatting, and you think to yourself, oh, that looks nice, I could do with such a lovely, crisp, cold drink now and look happy myself. Well wind on three hours later, and I'm in a heap somewhere, passed out, not beautiful, not happy, just pathetic. Not great.

did it! drank water instead of wine. had a cup of herbal tea. am now so tired, goodnight Brave Babes

need - oh, gosh. Yes, that all sounds familiar to me.

But - I think we can get thrugh it. And it was so much easier when I did finally get into the swing of properly not drinking. I am hoping so much to get back to that.

I know exactly what you mean about the TV thing. I end up saying to myself, 'why can't I do that' and pretending to myself that somehow the glass of wine in the lovely sparkly glass is just another part of a really nice picture, so all I'm doing when I want it, is thinking what a nice picture it makes.

It's not so good.

Woo-hoo! Well done, joey!

Good for you.

LRD, I think it's just a question of accepting one's own's limitations, and that people with this particular kind of weakness won't ever be part of this picture. In my case, I know it for a fact. I have been to lovely summer parties dressed in pretty clothes, with the sun shining down on me, happy, smiling, chatting and a nice glass of champagne in my hand - oh dear, you know where this is going...I'll just have to bite the bullet and drink sparkling water instead and stop telling myself that I'll be really boring for everyone around me. Boring only in the sense that they won't have that woman who couldn't hold a conversation/fell off her chair/made a total tit out of herself to talk about afterwards!

That makes sense to me. Well - we're in it together!

Btw, I bet you're not boring sober ... certainly not as boring as I know I can be drunk!

purple I'm a self-employed Nail Technician and I have the best job in the world!! It's a job that combines creativity with technicality, and clients are alway pleased to see me...... As I work for myself I can choose my hours, so I work 9am - 3pm Monday to Friday and from 6:30pm Monday to Wednesday. Is that something you could see yourself doing? I earn decent money as well!

Nice to see so many babes doing well, and Joey I wish I could hide from my in-laws!!!

Well done Joey!

needs we were talking about those adverts a few weeks ago. we imagine a chic cocktail party, where someone with swishy hair says "Quentin, darling, do have a canape!"

it's not real, it is advertising. there is no Quentin, no canapes, there's only alcoholic arguments and people throwing up.

LRD I hope I'm not really boring when I'm sober, but I feel it, it's the whole social anxiety thing. I open up with a drink. And then, of course, I become really boring after a while, as people do when they lose power over their speech! And what's even more boring is that I have conversations with people that I know (or think) were really interesting or important, and the next day, I don't remember a thing. What a waste of time. At Christmas, I spent two hours sitting somewhere in a corner crying, with a friend talking to me trying to make me feel better. I can't remember a word she said, and so wish I could!
Joey you are absolutely right.

Oh, love, how rotten. That does not sound like a good Christmas.

I bet most (all?) of us have done the same, too.

One thing I like about MN is that it really does show very, very few people are actually boring. Some people you may not get on with but other people obviously do. The only really boring people are those who've stopped caring how they come across - which is what your average drunk person is like.

Sorry, I hope I'm not rambling/sounding pompous, I always worry about that but I am just getting my thoughts into order, not trying to say anything especially exciting!

LRD you are not rambling or sounding pompous at all, you make perfect sense.
I'm really glad I found MN and this thread. I'd not have believed I'd ever find women to talk to with such similar stories to mine. I've never knowingly met any in RL. I have a bunch of male friends who have serious drink problems, but no women friends.

I love this thread too. It's great.

all.

Morning all brave babes had to get up with ds at 6am & dd has a friend staying over so very glad that I managed not to drink last night but was so very hard. needsa I completely relate to your experiences of drinking, my night starts with "oh that glass of wine looks lovely" and ends with me being the most pissed, falling about, friends trying to put me in cabs, stop me walking head on into traffic, upsetting friends, family, so sick of the guilt, shame etc. This bus plus counselling is really helping me to address these issues. Awww purple your situation sounds really hard & you don't sound work- shy, just that you are being practical, sensible & putting your children first. Agree that childminding could be a good option, even if you only got one child before & after school, you would be working 16 - 20 hours per week & completely there for your own children. My cousin has 3 and has just recently registered & it seems to be working for her & her children, good luck with finding a solution x Well done in abstaining Alias hope you feel the benefits of it this morning Wishing all brave babes a good day xx

Morning Clutter well done for not drinking last night, I bet it pays off now with your early start. I am glad I didn't either, my DH went to bed at 4 am and I can only imagine in what state, I don't know for sure because I banned him from our bedroom in advance (not in anger, but as a sensible precaution). My DD woke me up quite early and I am glad I can spend some time with her now, without the usual Sunday morning brain fog and nausea.

Morning all. Well done joey
Its SNOWING here! Hopefully I will still manage my walk in the woods today, as need to keep up the exercise. My left hip is getting worse though so docs appt on Tuesday. My bro had hip replacements in his 40s so am a bit worried.

Morning lovely babes

where someone with swishy hair says "Quentin, darling, do have a canape!" Snort!!!! Love it

Yup, I have a long history of going to lufferly summer parties and leaving sobbing with vom stains down my new dress. Attractive image, non? I also 'took revenge' on a tutor who bullied me by getting utterly trashed at a graduation ceremony. That showed her! I'd like to think that these days I would have the strength to march up to student services and blow the whistle on her sorry little games. I didn't because I was drinking heavily and felt guilty and weak all of the time, so I though she had something on me.
I've just gone all glasnost haven't I? Sorry.Anyhow...

Wel done clutter and needs and LRD and ma and joey and everyone.

The boring and not drinking thing- that is hard. It's not boring staying sober but it is different, I'm still pondering how Friday night went and how I feel about it. I'm very glad I stayed sober though,in the long run I had a much more interesting evening because I can remember what was said and I don't have to call round saying " I'm so sorry"...

This time last year I didn't even understand that I had a problem with booze. Thought I just liked a little drink now and again. Glad I'm here.

Ma take care! I anxiously check my knees constantly due to family bad knees and operations. Good idea to check in with the Dr about them.
Finally feel out of the woods with cold/ tooth/ blocked gland.
I'm so relieved- I've felt under par for 10 weeks now and *have had enough^. Can't wait to start work and get back to normal tomorrow.
I have 2 wonderful film recommendations! Both utterly distracting but not disturbing, transporting and both gave me lots to think about afterwards in a nice way. Life of Pi and Les Misérables. I howled through the latter (gotta give those teenage DDs something to cringe about!) in a fantastically cathartic release.
HALT and love to you all.

x post with Gug- you sound in a good place.

I wish we had snow. But at least it's not raining and I can actually see sky instead of dull low cloud all the time. A bit of sunshine really lifts the spirits. Hose is going for a long bike ride because he hasn't been able to get out on it for ages and is getting a bit lardy

I'm going to make Monday my weigh in day 'cos it keeps me trying over the weekend but have had a sneaky peek at the scales this morning and have lost 2lb yay. Am aiming for 2lb a week for as long as possible.

I must admit my tummy has rumbled a bit this week even though I've been eating well. I think it's just getting used to not snacking every couple of hours or overeating. I quite like the rumbling, it's like it's talking to me saying, this means it's working. Or is that just the sign of an eating disorder

I see there has been some discussion about weaknesses. We've had a chat about this before and come to the conclusion that the bravebabes are not weak at all.

I think it was MIFLAW who said that it takes a lot of strength and stamina to keep doing what we do when we drink. Our bodies have to process large amounts of toxins. We have the most awful hangovers. We suffer drink related illnesses and injuries.

Our poor tired brains have to find creative ways to excuse drinking, to plan how we are going to get enough, where to hide or store it, constantly on the alert in case we run out, checking that no-one else is sampling the supply, disposing of the bottles, sleeping badly, keeping up the appearance of functioning when we can hardly get through the day, worrying about lack of money, health, relationship problems.

And then, what do we do? We do it all over again the next day!

Nah, this drinking lark is not for the weak.

We are strong babes and we know we can do this, we just have to put all that energy and intelligence into kicking the habit.

Once and for all. One day at a time.

So, what will our new mantra be. I am a strong, intelligent babe. Go and look in the mirror and say it. Go on, do it now. That means everyone, yes, you at the back hiding behind the headrest. Go and say it, mean it, believe it and say it every day for the whole of dry January.

Just make sure no-one else is around at the time

Loves ya x