The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Are Going To Need A Bigger Bus!

[Mouseface]

Hello, tis me, Mouse

Welcome to the Brave Babes Battle Bus, it's a place of solace, support and sanctuary, but also it's also a Bus full of chatterboxes, waffling on about all sorts!

Our aim this year is to kick the WineWitch or WW into touch and get sober!

Some of the Babes on board are doing Dry January, some drink in moderation, some just drink. Some of us are sober, some of us are trying so very, very hard to be.

Some of us have been dry for days, weeks, months and some of us years...... some of us are just starting out and are scared of what stopping drinking means. It's not forever, it's just for today if that's what you want.

We have a saying on the Bus One Day At A Time. Or ODAAT

Take each moment, each day and each blip as it comes.

Although some Babes have been here a while and kind of 'know' each other, we all have different lives, different roles to play, different places to sit on the Bus, but we ALL have or have had abusive relationships with alcohol and we're here because we want that to change; for the better.

EVERYONE IS WELCOME HERE so don't be afraid to just jump right in and say hello. Post as much or as little as you like! It's all up to you.

For those who want to catch up - here is the PREVIOUS THREAD

And the first ever thread, with links to the others over the last almost 3 years! FIRST THREAD

Hi Needs and welcome! You've come to the right place. It's a shame your DH isn't supportive of your efforts to control you alcohol intake. Is there a reason for that? Maybe he's feeling a tad guilty about the amount he drinks. Sorry if I'm talking out of my hat but - support from him would make a big impact IMHO. Good luck for tonight. Great advice there from you Faire

East You've found your 'boing'! Well done! Stay warm.

Jesus Your comment about the garden made me smile. That was me last summer. I grew to hate the grass as the feckin' stuff just KEPT growing and keeping up with it was beyond me. Resorted to paying DD to do it. Hoping to rediscover my green fingers for this summer.

Good luck with tonight Joey my Lovely. I understand the stress PILs can put on you. x

Soma Hope it's going OK for you, your DP and DB. So glad (for him) that he has people around who care enough to get him proper help. Stay strong Lovely. Thinking of you.

My day started with me being in a really foul mood - I even checked the calendar to see if Aunt Flo was due - she's not. Wine seemed to be the only remedy for my awful mood. Had to face trainer shopping with DD! So, grummped my way all the way into town, car park closed, my mood worsened then found a parking slot right outside Sports Direct - found the Hi Tops she wanted (and I approved of - shock horror!) straight away AND they were reduced AND found some Ugg type boots for her that were reduced too! So, just for a while, I'm really popular with her. My mood lifted quite a bit after that. Supermarket shopping done, no wine bought, lots of salad purchased.

I'm dreading next week as the job centre are sending me on a course about job hunting. Deep, deep sigh! 4 hours a day, four days a week for 4 friggin' weeks!! I so do not want to go. We will (apparently) be learning letter writing (I was an exec PA before DC!), application forms (!), CV writing, mock interviews (I used to interview candidates for jobs!), confidence building and job searching!! I know I should look at it in a positive way, and I'm so trying not to be a snob about it all, but I'm really struggling to do that! Moan, moan, me, me!! Sorry!

Off to treat myself to a glass of Coke. xxxxxx

Hi Koti. Are you feeling better? x

thanks for posting that mouse it was very brave to write down all of that

I've promised myself that I can have a drink tomorrow if I don't drink tonight. ( I know using wine as a reward is wrong...) but actually, I didn't buy any, so if I do want some will have to go and get it tomorrow. but not thinking about that now, One Day At a Time. yes my MIL is hard work when I'm sober, but I don't like the person I become around her when drunk. at home I can limit my total, but in someone else's house I turn into a demanding argumentative idiot.

still trying to convince myself - this is hard!

Hugs, Brave Mouse, huge hugs. xxxxx

Go mouse such a strong and amazing person My story isn't dissimilar - I 'blame' my drinking on lots of things that happened. i had 30+ operations as a child which were grim, my dad died when I was 2 ( and has never been mentioned by mother again - not properly)and my mother is the oddest character. I guess it was all about 'escaping' the past :( addictive personality - oh yes, I also had a ridiculous addiction to speed, which somehow I just stopped, but the alcohol is a killer. I have tried to moderate but really don't know...I may have a drink in feb, bit scared about it though as it always end up building :( Still, TODAY I'm sober, and TOMORROW I will be

Thank you mouse

What a great post. I really value what you say, it gives the newly sober lots to reflect on. I hope you are proud of achieving sobriety. I wonder if it was hard to write that post because you have been so very honest? I've been thinking long and hard in the past few days about all the excuses I've used to drink.
Well I hope I can follow your example. Have a great weekend. x

Thank you all for your advice and for listening .
Jesus your post struck some chords with me, and the garden thing made me laugh. I know just what you mean. I used to lie in bed thinking about the wonderful things I could do with DC and the house and garden, knowing full well that the total inertia I was in would stop me from doing anything at all and I should be lucky if I got up at all (on weekends. I always managed to go to work during the week, though no idea how). During the last couple of months, I was so depressed, I didn't even bother showering on some days - would have a bath Thursday night and then feel relieved that I didn't have to take another shower until Monday morning. I didn't feel that AD were an option - I was put on setraline at some point, and it made me all antsy and wanting to drink more!
Purple regarding my DH not being supportive: He used to think that I don't really have a problem (he has since started to realise I might), and always suggests really helpful things like, just have the one, and stop. Gah. He's quite impatient that I can't do that and sees it at weakness. He likes his drink (I guess one could call his drinking problematic, too, even though he never ends up anywhere near as trashed as me), claims he works hard and therefore deserves it. It's a bit of a problem, because getting pissed together is what we do, it's how we spend our weekend nights (he is far more controlled during the week, has two glasses and that's it). I don't know why it has taken him so long to realise that my drinking is a disaster. I've done horrible things when drunk. I nearly died in a booze-induced accident last year, and this is no exaggeration - it's sheer luck I'm still here. And it was witnessed by DC. Does it get much worse than that?
My main triggers for drinking in the last 2 years were work (had to make a big change, was scared and anxious) and a person I had a very long, very abusive non-relationship with (nearly 10 years, before I met DH), who set foot in my life again and started to manipulate and demean me long-distance, which I allowed to happen. It was disguised as friendship, and it took me until Christmas to realise what was up. I ended all contact, which is what gave me the resolve to stop drinking. I couldn't have combined his presence in my life with sobriety. I know this might sound odd, but I guess we all have toxic people in our lives, the friendship angle and some misguided sense of loyalty made me believe I was indebted to tolerate him in my life. I was very wrong about that, but then again, I was always too drunk to make rational decisions and just numbed the pain it caused with more booze.
Mouse thank you for posting all that, you've had such a bad time, but what you write about the presence and the future sounds so positive.

mouse a very honest post. I have never, and will never, forget your dreadful post on the abusive relationships thread.raw honesty there and you are one survivor girl!
A fairly dull day, did housework, walked 3 miles, on the lime and soda.
Nothing thrilling.

am hiding upstairs 'having a nap' : only so much daily mail drivel from my MIL I can take before giving in to the wine...

3 miles?! ma you're brilliant! I've managed to walk up the stairs, and I'm having a lie-down!

Thank you for your post Mouse. You've overcome so many adversities and I can tell you'll always be able to handle whatever life throws at you now, without the booze.

Purple I can understand you'd rather stick pins in your eyes than go on that course but who knows you might have a laugh and meet some nice people who are in the same boat as you. What work are you looking for? I got a job nearly 3 years ago which I was hugely over-qualified for (GP practice administrator), but I've managed to expand the role and am really happy there. Ma my day has been completely without thrills too but because I didn't give in to the WW earlier I feel quite content. My danger time is over now but I would guess that it's just starting for some babes so try and stay strong and use every resource you have to get through it.

I have two over excited 7 years olds chasing the poor cat around filming him and a 12 year old boy is soooo past even communicating with little girls and trying to watxh Top Sodding Gear AGAIN!! ... Off swimming soon

if I can just hide up here until we start eating dinner... it's the waiting around/being offered sherry/ listening to MILs spouting nonsense about Jimmy savile that drives me crazy.

they must think I'm terribly rude - I just disappeared!

Witching hour now.
Mind you, couldn't rustle up enough for wine even if I tried, am so skint. god knows where I'm going to find petrol for the week.
I'm craving sweets. Could murder skittles or opal fruits...

I have eaten a huge meal, am drinking soda and lime (thanks for the suggestion) and am feeling fairly untempted for now. This may change once DC is in bed and the drinking commences in the room next door...but all good for now.

To be totally honest Soma I don't really want a job. I want to be here for my three - the boys, especially, are really still quite vulnerable at the moment. Sometimes, looking after 3 children by myself is as much as I can manage right now. Apologies to those who are doing just that and managing OK and will by tutting right now. I know it sounds pathetic. I live in a small isolated village which is about 8 miles from the nearest town. The Job Centre have said I can limit my hours to school times (there are no childcare facilities in our village at all - no childminders or after school clubs) so a school job would fit the bill. They are, however, also pushing me to take an non-school, 20 hour per week, part-time job - which will leave me huge problems for the holidays and mine or the children's sick days (ExP won't take time off - ever!) I have applied for any/all of the jobs that have come up in DS's school (which IS local) but those jobs have hundreds of applicants from other mothers in my position. Just feel really down about it all. xx

Aaaw, thanks Koti, love you for that post! I feel a bit like I sound work-shy but I've spent 24+ years earning a wage and a further 10 not claiming any benefits at all. Like you said, they are pushing Mum's into work when the 18 - 24 year olds, who have never worked, can't get a job!

My hope was to finish my college course - Diploma in Photography (did one and a half years of a two year course) - then become a freelance photographer but the course turned out to be extremely art based (when I needed more practical knowledge), the DSS told me that I had to be available for work for 20 hpw as my youngest had had his 5th birthday and me being in full time education would mean I wasn't available for work, and lastly, the bottom has fallen out of the freelance photography business due to the proliferation of digital cameras.

I've researched working form home/own business but just can't seem to find anything suitable. Not sure I'm good enough to write for a living. So, hoop-jumping it is, for me!

from*

Evenin' All [showing age] It's really nice beginning to get to know a bit more about everyone.
Have been swimming - was fab. Best time of the week, nearly empty cos everyone else is out getting pissed! The two girls are in Molly's room watching a dvd on her friends portable dvd player Well, M is, friend is sort of having a good look round the bedroom! It's quite funny. DH and ds downstairs watching football and I'm up here with my tonic and lime preparing for CBB. I don't think I've felt this contended for quite a while. Tis strange. I hope everyone is having a peaceful evening.

Evening babes

joey stay hidden. Do you have a book to read? I have to have a bit of space from the il's at times too. Fil actually believes the crap in the daily fail.Don't worry about what they think, your sanity is more important.

east what a good idea, swimming in the evening. I don't go much anymore since I can't afford gym fees but I could get my sorry arse on a bike and go for a swim once in a while.

purple That sucks It makes me cross on your behalf.
If it comes down to it then another couple of options are to run an after school club yourself- it sounds like there is a need for it, or to become a childminder. I've worked for an after school club and it was a lot of fun. My friend worked for the club a few evenings a week and her little boy attended when she was there. Promise I'm not telling you what to do, it just struck me that there is a call for childcare work where you are.

Hello there needsa and kotinka

purple that sounds rough.I hope you manage to get something.how old are dcs? I work full time and its OK now but was hard when Dcs were younger. Due to big age gap between dds and ds I once had one dd in high school, one in primary and ds in nursery - all starting and finishing at different times.bloody exhausting, no wonder I fell head first into a bottle of wine every evening.