The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Are Going To Need A Bigger Bus!

[Mouseface]

Hello, tis me, Mouse

Welcome to the Brave Babes Battle Bus, it's a place of solace, support and sanctuary, but also it's also a Bus full of chatterboxes, waffling on about all sorts!

Our aim this year is to kick the WineWitch or WW into touch and get sober!

Some of the Babes on board are doing Dry January, some drink in moderation, some just drink. Some of us are sober, some of us are trying so very, very hard to be.

Some of us have been dry for days, weeks, months and some of us years...... some of us are just starting out and are scared of what stopping drinking means. It's not forever, it's just for today if that's what you want.

We have a saying on the Bus One Day At A Time. Or ODAAT

Take each moment, each day and each blip as it comes.

Although some Babes have been here a while and kind of 'know' each other, we all have different lives, different roles to play, different places to sit on the Bus, but we ALL have or have had abusive relationships with alcohol and we're here because we want that to change; for the better.

EVERYONE IS WELCOME HERE so don't be afraid to just jump right in and say hello. Post as much or as little as you like! It's all up to you.

For those who want to catch up - here is the PREVIOUS THREAD

And the first ever thread, with links to the others over the last almost 3 years! FIRST THREAD

ma well done on the weight loss! I don't even bother weighing myself anymore

Ma it's good to hear that they do get over themselves eventually, It's so hard though, when she's sitting on the sofa straightening her (gorgeous wavy) hair for a whole hour, whilst constantly BBMing her friends, to not say something really sarcy. I too am worried about last night being the thin end of the wedge but hope to see you all later in a sober state.

Bird mites Joey, how extraordinary and what a crazy situation. At least you know what the critters are now though.

Joey you might want to get a second opinion... starling are red list birds (endangered), but this doesn't make a great deal of difference that I'm aware of. It is illegal to disturb the nest of any bird (other than feral pigeons) when it is active (in use). Any starlings' nests in your roof would not currently be active, so you wouldn't be breaking any law to remove them.

www.rspb.org.uk/advice/law/whatsintheroof/removal.aspx
www.rspb.org.uk/wildlife/birdguide/name/s/starling/legal.aspx

A quick google indicated that the mites can't survive longer than a few weeks away from the host bird, so infestations usually occur after young flee the nest (summer). Do you have them roosting in your loft/roof? They are protected in law in that you can't kill them, but it wouldn't be illegal to block their access to your roof/loft space, as far as I can see?

What a horrible thing to have, but at least you're moving towards a solution.

joey missed the bit about the mites. So glad they have been identified at last. I think that nest really needs to be accidentally knocked out of the gutter.................

Hello lovely babes

Big test for me tonight because I'm going to see friends. I want to stay sober but I also want to have a social life. I've made some plans and have told one of my friends that I'm not drinking. I just said that I was trying to lose weight after crimbo.

Sidecar babes no one is letting themselves down! Everyone is here posting or lurking or just thinking it through. Even if we (I) just manage a few af nights and think a bit more about why we (I) drink then it still chips away at our excuses for picking up the next drink.

joey sorry, but I'd be up that ladder pronto. They're sodding starlings not flipping dodo nests. I'd be tempted to shift them before spring too. What a stupid and unsympathetic response from the council!

help interesting idea to change the name of the ww, although I like the fact that everyone knows what is meant by that. A bottle of 'bollocked brained boyfriend' would keep me away.

purple that puppy is beautiful.

koti hope you are feeling better today.

I still don't know how much weight I've lost but I have lost some. Dh has programmed the new scales and they don't work anymore. This is the fault of stupid complicated scales not dh!

Soma my lovely, I am completely with you on the teen/tween frustration. I agree with Purple that she is using this as a stick to beat you with. How do you think that she would react if you said something like
"DD I know that you have worried about my drinking in the past, when things were bad between me and your dad, but our situation is very different now. I don't drink very often any more, but occasionally I do like to have a few glasses of wine. I know you don't like it, but I am an adult and it is up to me to make choices about my life. Many adults like to have a drink occasionally. I love you very much, but I'm not going to let you dictate to me how I should behave."
In that way, you're sort of removing the responsibility and anxiety she feels about your drinking - knowing that you're struggling with it, worrying that you're going to relapse, trying to keep you from relapsing and drinking - it's all stuff that she shouldn't have to have on her mind. If you tell her firmly that it isn't a problem, that it isn't her responsibility or concern, and it isn't her place to tell you what you should or shouldn't be doing, might that take the pressure off her (and you)?

I'm not suggesting that you plan to drink occasionally, or at all, by the way. But you do have a pattern of periods of abstinence followed by occasional drinking. If you're aiming for abstinence but then fall off the wagon, rather than DD thinking that it's some disasterous thing for her to worry about and berate you for, (and for you to beat yourself up about!), could it be an occasional event that she accepts happens from time to time.

That sort of hinges on it only being occasional though, and that you're not getting visibly hammered, and that one slip doesn't turn into regular binges. You've always been more of an occasional binger though, haven't you, rather than an every-nighter?

Just my thoughts - I may be way way off there, as I haven't exactly got it all worked out here! Luckily for me, DD doesn't mind me drinking at all - but that brings problems of its own in that I don't want her to think that it's fine and normal to use alcohol to relax and treat yourself.

guggs good idea about the 'post-Christmas diet' excuse! also plan what you are going to have as an alternative etc?

I'm feeling very weak right now, but I want to finish dry January!

re. bird mites - I found an almost identical news story online about a family in a similar situation. I think we will just have to forget about the council and pay the pest control company to remove the 'pigeons' nest. DH also thinks we can move DD back up there but I am so tempted to just let her move into the spare room permanently. He's kicking up a fuss because thats his special room, converted at great expense, but hell she is my PFB. I wouldn't sleep there myself!

And I am feeling better today, thank you.

Less stressy, calmer. Planning one or two glasses of red tonight with dinner (chorizo and lentils with jerusalem artichokes as a potato alternative. Yum!).

It'll be interesting to see how it affects my sleep, as I've been sleeping much better this week.

Help hope you're feeling better. I frequently feel overwhelmed. Just imagine how much worse you'd feel if you were hungover!
Smellslike keep posting. You've got so much on your plate but you've come to the right place.
Gugg I hope you have a fun and sober evening.
MrD let's keep on eating the olives!
Purple I've always thought from what you posted that The TF sounds like a keeper. I think that when he was a bit distant it was just that he had a lot on his plate, and that when he couldn't commit to plans it wasn't that your were 2nd best, just that he'd already made a provisional arrangement. He sounds like he really likes you but that he's got a lot on his plate. I agree slow burn is the best! Does he know you've got a date? Do you think he'd mind? Would you mind if he went on a date? So many questions!

Where's Mouse? Hope you're ok.

Right, must crack on. See you later babes.

Good luck tonight Gugg. Do you have an excuse like driving or are you relying on willpower? Mia what a thoughtful post and actually it might be a good idea to get it out in the open with her so I don't have to keep on worrying her so much/beating myself up. You are right though and I can't afford to slip back; at my worst I've been night on/night off (up to a bottle and a half on the nights I drink) and I'd hate to go back there.

As for getting visibly hammered, the worst that happens is that I become somewhat animated and loud - I'm never aggressive/maudlin/incapable etc, not these days anyway. What are you like after a few drinks? I wouldn't worry too much about setting a poor example though, my parents hardly drank at all and look at me....

Tanks everyone for your warmth and kindness. I am overwhelmed. i can't do emoticons or bold so feel free to skip my ramblings if it's all too much hard work.

To those who have asked if I have confided in anyone in RL, the answer is no. I'm a functioning alcoholic, so to speak and considered very capable/responsible by my few friends. My GP is not particularly helpful and once said to my neighbour when she went for hepl for her sister that he had never in 30 years seen an alcoholic recover. Nice. I come from a northern working class background where, ironically, there is a strong drinking culture but to seek help is seen as unacceptably weak. I know that is bollocks but it's nevertheless ingrained in my thinking.

HELP yes I am afraid of stopping and no AF days.

PURPLE hope you're feeling better. My spectacular fall was last summer when I fell downstairs, brke three ribs and didn't even notice till I wole up next morning. It was also a shock to be told by DH that my vast bulk had turned a good part of the banisters to matchsticks. i t was horrible hearing him trying to explain to the kids why he was gluing them back together 'cause mummy had had a fall. I understand the guilt.
I bet it's much more fun sorting out outfits for your busy 'social' life that glugging down the foul liquid.

GUG not rude at all. X my consultant does not know. I told my aneasthetist though when I my two operations as I had read that the levels of anaesthetic my have to be adjusted for a heavy drinker as the normal amounts might not knock them out enough!!! I was shit scared going into that operating theatre.

MA agree with all the other posters. 1 glass then throwing the bottle away is a triumph. I absolutely could not have done it - as someone said its actually harder after one to not continue.

BABY thanks so much. DO NOT feel humble/ashamed! where's that wet fish? We're all going thru the same thing. Your problems are as real and impotyant as everyone else's. keep posting.Alcohol dependance/abuse is in my , unfortunately very informed opinion, just as much an insidious, underhand little fucker as cancer. at least with my br ca there's no guilt an dself-hatred.

CLUTTER you sound just like me.

Finally, and I can hear all those sighs of relief babes, thanks to all who offered some reassurance re the genetic aspect to this bastard of an illness.

Love to you all XX

ssmells hello again, and good to hear you starting to think about how to change

Day 7. I will not drink today. I don't usually say that, with me it's either yes or no, not maybe; but tonight I am feeling the pull. not going to think about dry January, just One Day At a Time.

mia you're right about the starlings, not sure why the guy said they couldn't deal with it. I just want it fixed now!

where is mouse ? hopefully she's just too busy, didn't Nemo go back to school today?

Hello smells . joey I'd have accidently knocked that nest by now, your daughters well being is more important ... Scratch....scratch.
Well day 11 here and bored senseless. Sleeping well. Eating myself into a food coma, so actually putting on weight. Not a happy bunny. Still want to do dry January though. Why is it so boring?

tiger from what I understand real life IS actually quite boring without alcohol, and we just have to get used to it it does get easier

Checking in. Had a lime and soda. The evening looks long.
Had a pm from mouse she has had a busy day and will be on later I think.
Stay strong

Checking in too struggling a little - am drinking Belvoir elderflower presse. It's alright I s'pose. Will move on to the tonic and lime later. Bit flat..sorry. Hope everyone ok. Sorry to be dull.

Tiger life is far from boring but you have to go out there and get it. It's not something you can order from Tesco

What do you want to do with your time now that you're not drinking, drunk or recovering from a heavy night. We're so used to sitting around with a glass in our hands that we don't even know half of what's out there.

Join a club, take up a hobby, learn a new skill, do some voluntary work, meet new people who never knew the old you. The opportunities are endless really.

Did you see that episode of Friends where someone was using Monica's bank card to pay for all their activities, and having far more fun than Monica ever had.

If you follow the link in the OP to the very first thread from JWN you will see how she threw herself into life and started to really enjoy herself

Purple when you said you would put a picture of him on your profile, I thought you meant Tasty Farmer! But the pup is such a cutie.

Ma you will be so, so, so glad in the morning if you don't drink today. Could you plan an early morning activity that would be horrendous with a hangover? Take ds swimming or something?

faire what is the motivational phrase for friday?

smells ooh I'm glad you didn't think I was being rude, I just wondered if it might effect your treatment.I can associate with your post. I'm a functioning alcky- close friends know I drink a lot but most people see me as a naice laydee.(till they get to know me). My family have the same ethos and drink to excess too, that's their choice really,nowt to do with me. Good luck and keep posting.

Tonight I am driving and I'm only bringing soft drink to the party. For me it would be massively rude to drink wine if I hadn't brought any so I hope it will keep me straight. If I drink then any member of the bus can hit me,repeatedly, with a creature of their choice

Tiger that's what alcohol has always meant to me too - excitement. But it's not a real feeling is it? Think that's partly my problem, my life is lacking in excitement so I look for it in a bottle. We could do with following Faire's advice :)

Holly and Ma have you eaten yet? That always takes the edge off for me. Anything good on telly? (I'm really showing my age, no-one has to rely on the TV schedule anymore). Had a good chat with DD (thanks for all the support earlier, Mia moreorless repeated what you'd suggested!) and she seems OK and happy to be with me.

Yeah, give the poor old fish a break!

I am trying Faire I'm reading more and walking my dog. I'm not bored as in sat twiddling my thumbs all the time, I used to crack on with stuff while I was drinking anyway. Used to get up in the morning thinking best do the ironing only to see I'd already done it lol. Auto pilot mode I suppose. It's my state of mind I suppose I need to change

Great post faire xxxx still lurking and not drinking x

Great post faire xxxx still lurking and not drinking x

I think we 're supposed to think not drinking is boring. It's just getting over that for me at least. After a while you find things to fill the time - I've certainly noticed during my sober spells that there is so much more energy to burn off!

Am cooking a rather fabulous curry to have later when dc in bed - as for TV well come on you lot, there are TWO Corries tonight and a prog at nine about the biggest familt in Britain who have 16 kids - I reckon that's worth a watch

watches gugg and oils the squid in readiness.
east that's how i felt yesterday, and a bit today if I'm honest.
have had a healthy tea - veggie omelette and will probs have yet another bath as that used up half an hour or so.
i've never been so fecking clean.

Evening all. Have just eaten my body weight in salmon salad . All healthy but, boy do I feel bloated now!

Mia This internet dating malarkey is a weird place and the etiquette is not something that is easy to pin down. I haven't told him about the date but if he asks, I will. Yes, I would be a bit upset if I though he was going on a date (I haven't/won't asked him) but then I have made it clear that I'm happy to meet up whenever he's ready whereas it's he who has found it difficult to get together at the moment. Does that make any sense. I'm really hoping you are right, I get the feeling he is a 'good egg' who is trying to do the right thing - he just needs to work out what that is. I don't know him well enough, though, to know whether there is any chance he still want to try again with his ex? First dates of dating sites aren't really 'dates', they are just an exercise in 'do I feel like running out of the door screaming or not'! Lol! Seriously, they are just a 'get to know' the other person a bit to see if there is any kind of 'spark'. I can tell you, nine and a half times out of ten - there ain't! I don't think I'm being unfair to TF, I hope not. Would love to hear other opinions on the matter.

Smells So sorry to hear of your fall down the stairs and that the subsequent explanations your DH had to give your children made you feel worse. Your poor ribs. Re: Dressing up - I only have a couple of 'going out' outfits that I actually fit in so anything passed a second date will require a trip to the shops.

Faire If his photo on Match was any good I'd nick it and post it here but it's awful, blurred and from a distance! I'll have to wear a pin-hole, secret camera if he ever makes his mind up on another date.

Joey Pom poms for you!!! Day 7! Well done girl! x Hugs East and strength.

Soma Can I vote for squid for face slapping for the next few days? Would have great comedic value! Hope you are feeling OK tonight. Hugs.