The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Are Going To Need A Bigger Bus!

[Mouseface]

Hello, tis me, Mouse

Welcome to the Brave Babes Battle Bus, it's a place of solace, support and sanctuary, but also it's also a Bus full of chatterboxes, waffling on about all sorts!

Our aim this year is to kick the WineWitch or WW into touch and get sober!

Some of the Babes on board are doing Dry January, some drink in moderation, some just drink. Some of us are sober, some of us are trying so very, very hard to be.

Some of us have been dry for days, weeks, months and some of us years...... some of us are just starting out and are scared of what stopping drinking means. It's not forever, it's just for today if that's what you want.

We have a saying on the Bus One Day At A Time. Or ODAAT

Take each moment, each day and each blip as it comes.

Although some Babes have been here a while and kind of 'know' each other, we all have different lives, different roles to play, different places to sit on the Bus, but we ALL have or have had abusive relationships with alcohol and we're here because we want that to change; for the better.

EVERYONE IS WELCOME HERE so don't be afraid to just jump right in and say hello. Post as much or as little as you like! It's all up to you.

For those who want to catch up - here is the PREVIOUS THREAD

And the first ever thread, with links to the others over the last almost 3 years! FIRST THREAD

Can't read back properly because I'm at work but just to say I love that we're all posting whether we're doing well or not so well. Jango don't worry, I got as far as day 14 and fell off the bus. Last night. In spectacular fashion. A whole bottle opened at 2.30pm whilst cooking (my favourite way to drink). I didn't get drunk and exH who was at mine didn't notice but DD did. On the way out the door with her dad she said she could smell it on me :( Oh the shame. She knows I'm trying to stop but there's no point in me talking to her about it anymore - actions speak louder than words. I know she's disappointed in me because she hasn't replied to any of my texts this morning. Sometimes I think I'm trying to subconsciously push her away because I don't feel like I'm a good-enough mother. In fact I don't feel like I'm a good-enough anything and probably that's what underlies my drinking. Perhaps with AA I can get to the bottom of it but haven't been going to meetings and know I should start again....

Venus your post to Jango about alcoholic thinking was very useful - really it's not so much about how much you drink but rather how you think about it. 9 units in 2 weeks isn't so bad on the face of it but for someone like me it's totally crap. What it boils down to is that I still haven't faced up to the fact that I have a problem and that's why I keep relapsing. Ma you're amazing to have had only one glass and you haven't let anyone down. In fact you're helping people like me by being honest and posting. We loves ya. Mia hon, bloody well done for not drinking last night, hope you feel more positive this morning. Thank God I'm at work and busy otherwise I'd be at home stewing in my own misery juice. Day feckin 1. Again :)

Purple I heart your puppy

Sobasoma what are your plans for today? Is DD home tonight? Do you have alcohol in the house? Can you find a balance between seeing what your triggers were yesterday and not stewing?
I'm really struggling today- far from a drink, but very anxious and distray. DS is still asleep, he has an exam tomorrow, then quite a full on weekend before new job on Monday, a job I'm really excited about and the start of which I had to delay because of my gland operation. I should get DS up and have a busy day, but I'm mnetting, drinking coffee and nipping out for fags. And the dog's still asleep and when she gets up she can't go in the garden as the house behind has got the fence down.
Wah Wah Wah. Feel utterly overwhelmed.

Help, I'm working till 3, don't have DD tonight and no booze in the house but must avoid detour to supermarket on the way home. My trigger yesterday was that something (don't know what) made me think about how exciting it would be to have a drink so excitement is what I had to have. Does that make any sense? Starting a new job is very stressful even if it's a positive step, and of course you're feeling a bit anxious. Doggy still asleep at nearly 10am? What an angel! Can she pee outside the front of the house and then you take her for a walk later?

You're just having a slow start and feeling overwhelmed by everything that's happening. Try to quiet your head and face up to doing one thing at a time.

Morning Soma So sorry to hear it's not so good for you this morning. I find the shame I feel about my DC and drinking is the worst. Give her time to come round and try to be 'normal' when she gets home? My DD usually gets tired of trying to punish me - or forgets. My worst thing is her ringing her DF and telling him exaggerated tales about me (not usually about my drinking - yet) and I feel I have to defend myself to him. Anyway, Sweetpea, sending you some Big Pants to don. Try and have a good day, something nice and nutritious to eat, lots of water (you know the drill) and get your resolve back for your Day 1. It's when we give up trying to give that we fail - You are still battling and you have done great! 14 days is excellent! Just think how your body has appreciated that 14 days. Sending hugs. (()) PS Not my puppy - yet! [grins]

MrD I think we all know the 'just two glasses' thing Lovely, you are not alone. You've made a fantastic start. Sometimes it takes a few starts to get to where you want to be. Well done for coming back on here and posting. I don't know about you but this is the one place I can vent my negative feelings and nobody will judge. Good luck with Day 1, you are not alone.

Joey Both! [grins] Would adopted both! Liked the toddler analogy! Sending you hugs, just for the hell of it. (())

Ma How are you feeling today, Lovely? I'm hoping that you can see your small amount of wine wasn't a huge 'falling down a black pit' sort of thing today, more of a small blip which you pulled back from - shows great strength and is something I can't (yet) do. Well done, you!

Koti Thanks for the lovely words. Are the tablets helping? Hope you are feeling better.

Clutter and Koti Thank you for your support and encouragement, it's always so nice to hear that you aren't the only one who has done something stupid whilst under the influence. Without this Bus, and post like yours, I would still be feeling like my problems were mine and mine alone. Clutter I come from a long line of alcoholics too. There are various studies - some say there is a link but there doesn't have to be? Who knows!?

Silver I think he's a Cairn, can't quite remember?

Thanks LRD Knee is much better today (phew!)!

Smells How are you doing today, Sweet?

How's it going Green, New, Baby and Venus

Mouse You OK? Hope you are not on here because you are getting lots of rest? Hugs anyway.

Finally plucked up the courage to stand on the scales again today. It seems I have put on 13lbs in my 4+ week binge!! But, I'm trying to be pragmatic and view it as I'm still 8lb lighter than when I started this journey. So, am I too late to join the Boot Camp?

Help Sending positive vibes your way. It's so hard when you feel overwhelmed. (Last week I didn't get the right black bin back after the bin men had been and it overly affected me. How petty is that?!) Can you take the dog in the garden on her lead just for now? Good luck with the new job - and congratulations too!

Purple thanks - yes it's the shame and unfortunately for me DD never stops being upset with me for drinking. She tells her dad too but he doesn't have a go at me for it. Sorry haven't read back about puppy but if you're thinking of getting one, go for it. Dogs are the best companions and bring so much joy.

The genetic link with alcoholism is very much open to debate - neither of my parents are drinkers but me and DB are, exH's mum was an alcoholic but he and his siblings hardly drink at all. As you say, who knows.....

How old is she again Soma? I seem to remember she's teen-ish? You will be Public Enemy Number 1, it's the law, even if you were that mythical being that is - The Perfect Mother! I just read that she's not with you tonight? Maybe take the time to be nice to yourself, have a break from the upset and tomorrow, try to be 'normal' and just let her know you are there for her when she's ready? They are bloody hard work, Lovely! My DD is my biggest 'trigger'. xx

Had a really good nights sleep - first one since stopping! Didn;t even hear MonsterCat wittering at 4am Just done a pile of ironing and am going swimming after JK Am very pissed off though as my kindle has frozen. tried everything they suggest and am now 'chatting' to an amazon chappie.

PS Puppy belongs to The Tasty Farmer

Lovely Purple I'm so glad you understand. She turned 13 two days ago so yes it's bloody hard work sometimes! Do you think it's best that I just don't allude to my drinking at all? Let her come round as you say and if she doesn't want to see me tomorrow just accept it and tell her I love her? I just feel so guilty because she remembers all the horridness caused by my drinking when me and her dad were breaking up (she was 7).

I take it there hasn't been any contact with TF? Are you having any luck on Match?

Thank you all!
Son and dog still asleep! I've checked on them, and will now have a decaffeinated coffee and fag before running bath and starting their day. Definitely dog on lead in garden for poop and wee!

Teen/pre-teen daughters will make you feel guilty about anything and everything, it's their job! - and it makes no difference to them whether it's true, over highly over-exaggerated or has no semblance to the truth at all! She's found a big stick to hit you with and it hurts all the more because you feel so guilty about it. Breaking up is crap. People do lots of things they wouldn't normally do, act in ways that are out of character just trying to find ways to deal with the pain and upheaval. Maybe try to put some of that stuff behind you and concentrate on 'now', moving forward. You can't undo the past but you can build on lessening your own feelings of guilt by moderating/stopping your drinking. I reckon your DD, at the moment, would still berate you if you only had a white wine spritzer with Sunday dinner? I think telling her you love her and will be there for her when she needs you is a good idea. Perhaps not bring up the alcohol issue for now. My DD loves to get one over on me and I think, to some extent, that's what your DD is doing. You love her, care for her, are there for her and are concerned and trying to modify your behaviour for her. You are a good Mum and she's lucky to have you.

As for TF - He's been in constant contact over the past couple of weeks. Nice, light hearted text/e-mail messages, you know "How is your day going" "Are you staying warm in this weather" "Did you see - on the telly" etc. I've been really good and been very laid back. I was pleased that he's asked for another date but still, taking it slow.

(PS Soma Got a cheeky date on Tuesday with Mr Stone Mason (off POF)! So not pacing the floor, wringing my hands about TF)

You've made me feel so much better about DD Purple, I can't thank you enough. And yes, she'd disapprove if I had so much as a sniff of alcohol.

Sounds really really promising with TF - a slow burn is the best way to start anything.

strong vibes to everyone who's struggling this morning.

purple who is Mr Stone Mason?! has HE got a cute puppy?

want to keep doing dry January but part of me thinks I'm allowed a drink at weekends.

oh, and we have bird mites. officially. which we can't get rid of because starlings are a protected species. FFS.

Soma We beleaguered mother's of teen/pre teen daughters of Satan must stick together! Hugs. x

Starlings?! Protected species!? I thought they were supposed to be the vermin of the skies? Where do you go from here then Joey? There must be something you can do legally? How are you doing re: resolve today?

Mr Stone Mason? - no, no puppy - or horses - or farm, so he's on the back foot to start with! Lol! But he is tall and interesting and kind. I just didn't want to put all my eggs in TF's basket (you have no idea how much that made me laugh when I read it back!). xxxx

thanks purple that really cheered me up (eggs in TFs basket)

yeah starlings are those birds you see in their thousands swarming the skies, but apparently we could be fined for disturbing the nest. although the MITES are not a protected species, are they?!

The pest control guy remarked that if someone was clearing the gutters, and happened to remove the nest 'by mistake' that would be a dreadful shame, eh? He's going to get back to us once the mite has been microscopically 100% identified.

Hello everyone!

purple, so glad the knee feels better. How exciting, the dating! I don't think I ever really 'dated' someone, it sounds very glam.

soma - good to 'see' you. I always wonder about the genetic stuff too. I have heard that as well as genetics, there's what age you were when you started drinking heavily, as it can have quite an effect on your brain while it's still developing. For me I think it will be the genetics, but it's not a strong link - my parents are heavy drinkers and my dad is probably edging towards functioning alcoholic (he was worse a few years back), but they're not awful and neither of my brothers is remotely that way.

Hope all is well with you, mouse?

Right: I'm going to keep checking in but meantime, best of luck to everyone for today.

I thought starlings were pests?!

How annoying for you.

But, surely human health comes first Joey? Isn't there something public health or your doctor can do (apologies, am talking out of my posterior but am shocked about this) once they have been 100% identified? Alternatively, I suppose, you could hire a really clumsy handy-man....? Still, it sounds like total madness to me! Are you still avoiding the room? No point putting new bed/bedding in there until the problem is accidentally evicted resolved.

LRD Thanks Sweet, feel less like a pathetic old woman now that I'm not limping so much. And, no, dating isn't really very glam. It's more often disappointing and soul destroying - with the occasional 'spark' here and there - which is what keeps me going! Still, if I don't make an effort I may as well order myself 20 cats and resign myself to the title of Mad Cat Woman of my village. x

Oh, don't spoil my illusions!

But I hope the sparks win out over the soul-destroying bits soon.

pre-teen/early teen daughters are the devils' spawn. Seriously. I have survived two of them and they are just horrible. The good things is they come out the other side as rather nice young women, but that's only if you don't snap and kill them first.
Am over last night's blip - I hope. Tonight will tell. Am a bit scared that that one small crack will trigger a landslide but your support is keeping me going. You are all great.
I have lost 2 more pounds, making a total of five pounds this year