The all new, sparkly,2013 Dating Thread - 35!

[watchoutforthatsnail]

off you go.

I think ST did back himself into a corner a bit with me though. That doesn't excuse him lying, or behaving badly, he's still clearly not the person I thought he was. But he got himself into the habit of giving me a (entirely unrequested) commentary on his life, as part of our ongoing text conversation.

He'd text me first thing to say good morning, he'd just got up/was setting off for work/arrived at work whatever. Then later he'd say he was going for lunch, when replying to whatever I'd said in my last text before that. Then again when he got home. Then in the evenings if he was going to the gym, or to a friends, or to the supermarket. and then tell me when he was going to bed. Oh, and if there was a delay in him replying of more than half an hour or so, the reason why (he'd fallen asleep, been dealing with DC, in the bath, having dinner etc).

It's weird looking back on it, because I didn't tell him my movements half as much as he told me his, and it's not like I was asking him constantly either! but having told me literally everything he did, it was obviously then a bit awkward to say he was off on a date...

The more I'm thinking about it the more I'm thinking the above is more than a bit odd, isn't it?

48 ...I am going to the wrong bloody pubs!!!!! I had to 'end it' with Mr Natural last night when he got all stroppy cos I wouldnt give him a virtual back rub...accused me of not making enough effort! Oh haaahaaa you seriously couldnt make this shit up could you??!

Sorry too many mores in that last sentence.

Blame lack of sleep (2 hours last night, gotta love insomnia....)

Velvet That was all part of the chase. Making you feel special.

Oh and velvet I think that sort of texting demonstrates a neediness in him...hence the obviously 'needy' behaviour of having to keep a few women on the go at the same time.

Velvet - I thought that was what Twitter was for - to document the minutiae of life for people who are interested. It's the sign of a narcissist I think. I wouldn't expect someone I'm involved with to be interested in what I had for breakfast unless they were having it with me.

I think constant texting like that indicates someone who needs attention from other people and is unhappy in themselves, requiring validation. I used to get that from the Artist -'waiting for the bus'. 'bus is late'. 'on the bus now' - I used to wake up about 8am and already have 4 or 5 texts from her. Then I'd get a midmorning phone call about her day so far, then a lunchtime call, then one on her midafternoon cigarette break, then when she was waiting for the bus home. It got exhausting. I used to send the occasional few back (in a meeting, speak tonight), (still in a meeting, speak later?), can't talk now - call you in a couple of hours), then finally a call which turned into 2 or 3 hours of the details of her day which she'd already texted to me

Possibly that's a general red flag.

no, thats actually insane.
hes insane.

fact.

He sounds very dull if I am honest. Makes a descripition of 'giving head' appealing

running commentary onhis life??
Yawn yawn
he just sounds attention seeking and precious
thinking that the mundane details of his life are interesting

In fairness, he didn't send me more than 2 ever without me replying...it wasn't that that was all his texts said, but say last week I'd said something like how I needed to get a report done by 5, his next text would be along the lines of 'hows the reports coming along, are you on track? I've just got home, traffic was rubbish'

It is a bit attention seeking. He did say to me once in a text 'how needy am I' when we were joking about something. Many a true word spoken in jest...

Voice I sail, scuba dive, used to do archery and admire rugby players thighs. Will that do? Actually I have met my RL men mostly when travelling and doing these things. Never in the UK because I do dinghy sailing and its too cold when you capsize, same for diving. Shivering and almost crying with cold is not a good look

48 'giving head' priceless as a conversation opener and as someone said upthread it is less likely that you're going to meet men who get their knobs out in RL

Bant do you know she was actually there to see you apart from her first text? I had one guy text me I'm here when in fact I was sitting waiting for him at the bar already

Wow Bant ...I have got to hand it too you mate...you had that for 2 bloody weeks god love you!

there we go then....

SEE, him, not you.

:)

Hes not in a place for a long term relationship, and it would be a disaster if he were.
It wouldnt be a good relationship, nor what you wanted.

You do need to turn it round and start looking at it from your side, rather from theirs.
So, what you want, how behaviour makes you feel, if YOU want to see them again, it its something you would want in a partner.

Fuck what they want and trying to be that, that only makes yoiu feel ' less' when it doesnt work out. if you turn it round its far easier and makes for better choices.

Juliette - she texted me to say she was in the car park, was she in the right place, I replied by saying I'd be there in 2 minutes, walked through the car park and didn't see her (although I didn't look in all the cars as that would be weird), went to the bar and texted to say I was there, and got a text five minutes later saying her ex had phoned and her son was ill, sorry.

So, she could have left immediately after her first text and not seen me, or not noticed me walk through the car park. The window of her not being able to see me when she drove out was very small.

I dunno. Could be cold feet, could be an ill child, could be she's married and was looking for a bit of excitement. Could be lots of things. I don't have a hunch.

One day...honestly I am going to write a bloody screenplay about all this with my mate ...honestly...

I've actually never had so much information about anyone's movements as I did with him.

I think that was why I knew something was up on Friday, it was so obvious he was on another date, because he just went completely silent and off-radar. Which if he hadn't put himself on radar so much in the first place wouldn't have been noticeable.

I knew more about what ST was doing than I ever knew about my Ex when we were still together and living in the same house. Ex used to leave for work before I got up, often I wouldn't speak to/text him til lunch or on the way home, and he was the same.

OK, ST is odd. Maybe he's not actually any real loss.

Never mind about 'The bonkin' B's of online dating' ... 'The madness of online dating'....'Enter the Void' 'Give up hope all ye who enter here' ...something along those lines...

Velvet I'm thinking the above is more than a bit odd, isn't it? YES!!!! this is what some of us are banging on about with him. There is something very wrong with this man, very me me me behaviour. No idea about what his background is but that is what narcs do. Right down to you doubting yourself because of his behaviour.

There is absolutely nothing you could have done about this, he is what he is.

Juliette is looking very interesting all of a sudden. I sail Lasers, but only in this country. I look good in a wetsuit apparently

Hi Grinchie and anyone else interested, didn't send text - saved as a draft for now. After reading 48's reply, took her advice to give him a few more days. Mostly thimk i'm clutching at straws but aware he is on medication for anxiety so giving him a few more days. Will update once done but really not hopeful.

That is the crux of it Velvet...its disappointing but ...it would always have been disappointing (and worse) having an emotional vampire draining you.

Ike I was thinking of doing a screenplay with my sister, she did a little OD.
Her first date spent the time it took to drink a very large cup of coffee, telling her the tale of a lesbian tenant and 'strap ons'. Fucking fruit loop!

Bant ok she has had enough time to text you to apologise and re-arrange. If it were that much of an emergency, she wouldn't have had time to text you to start with. It's just rude/careless of others and would you want to go there now?

he isnt ;)

you said yourself the date was ' meh' the phone call was ' awkward'

He hasnt made you feel nice, not really, just anxious.

Then it became about being rejected, not about ' him' as it were.
You sought of become tied up in not being rejected, not letting go of the hope this one might be different, that you forget the date was a bit crap and actaully, hes weird.

thats why you need to turn it around, keeps you more emotionally distanced :)

ike, people would believe it to be a work of fiction!

Juilette and voice Sail off into the sunset!