The all new, sparkly,2013 Dating Thread - 35!

[watchoutforthatsnail]

off you go.

48 thanks for the wave earlier. She really does look like a horse. I feel a bit bad now. Even if she didn't, there is no common ground whatsoever and while I believe the best relationships are those where people do have different interests - there's always something to talk about that way - I think you need to have at least one mutual interest, even if you follow that interest in a different way (ie, one might watch, one might partake).

wecan Mr OZ and me aren't exactly over
When we met he was already planning on a 6 month trip to OZ.
We plan on meeting up on his return in March.
I never made him any promises.
I do feel he is too young for me at 41. He hasn't had children and there is still plenty of time for that to happen with another woman.

There is no rule saying you have to fancy someone voice. If shes too horse of face (!!!) Then just say no :)

Attraction is a weird thing anyway. I can see david beckham is good looking, but im not attracted to him in the slightest.
I do fancy the pants off justin hawkins and hes scrawney and has bad teeth!!!!

Wecan - you should have a private message in your inbox.

I see thanks for that 48howdidthathappen all the best with the reunion though

wecan all my relationships since my mid late 30s have been with men younger than me, except for the last one who was just 4 years younger (nothing once you get over a certain age), and I met him OD so if I were your friend I wouldn't think twice about it.

VioceofUnreason I have repiled to your message thanks to your inbox

watch & velvet the other thing is, while OD may be a numbers game, RL doesn't have to be. It just takes one chance meeting on the train or one new person at work, one random night out with your mates...

Pathetic though it is, I don't want to dump him (though I will). I want him to want me. When he said he'd seen my photo from sat and how good I looked, blahblah, it made me happy.

I've realised today I am finally at the stage where I would take a crumb of something, anything, rather than nothing at all. When I said I'd be happy for someone to give me an occasional hug, even if they didn't care at all about me I meant it. But I can't even get that.

I know there's nothing anyone can do. Its just the way it is.

Yoga This has been my experience. Met Mr OZ in a pub (yep found one with people in it) mutal connection/spark whatever you want to call it, from the word go.

Met Mr R&R at a Rock & Roll thing that I attended under protest with my sister. Again instant connection.

I have met loads of single fuckable men in RL. Only 2 where I felt the buzz enough to take it further. Not bad for 9 months of being single

Velvet I think it's entirely normal to want some external validation, despite what all the books say about love yourself etc. It is also an absolute necessity for most of us to have those hugs, not just a hug but the intimacy of close contact.

But, SpaceTwunt is not someone to give any more head space. You are on a hiding to nothing with him because there is nothing inside him worth having. He is an emotional leech feeding off the attention of others, I actually think he has massive ishoos so don't let him drag you down with him.

Its not, i understand. Its just the constant rejection.
I think you are sort of hitting rock bottom really, its not a good place to be.
Look, ill tell you all something ive not before, because i doesnt show me in a good light and its awful really.
Last year with the IE experiment, i slept with what, 4 men?? i dont know. The last one, though he did want to see me again, made several comments, about me searching online for sex/ men. It wasnt pleasant. It was also the most non connected, physical only shag i have ever had.
Until then i thought i was picking and choosing, and while , i was... i was also just wanting some contact, in any form. To be wanted, because it had been so long.

I decided there and then that that was that, standards hoiked up, and from then on it was about my needs, what i wanted out of a relationship. And if Someone wasnt treating me as such, or wasnt what i wanted, to move on, no givng chances, or meeting just to see, or because they werent covered in red flags.

Not surprisingly, since then ive had few dates!!!!! ( though i had a five month thing and then a one month thing, which ive dumped both)

I dont know, i think what im trying to say is you are NOT pathetic, you are NOT weak for wanting some human love, attention, company. We all do.

But, that maybe, now is the time to recognise that that need is clouding your actions, and you are doing things, and worrying about things you wouldnt normally.

And its time to take a long, hard look at what it is YOU want, and how YOU want to be treated, and not accept anything less that that.

48 - you are very lucky to have met people in rl. i havent in 4 years. but then ive been working in some kind of female bubble, and dont have any single friends to go out with. New job has thrown up lots of new lovely people, so im going to maximise going out as much as i can, funds allowing :)

Watch - I think there is something in what you say about not having single friends to go out with. I have no single male friends at all, they are all married, with smallish kids, and therefore never go out unless it's as a family or, rarely, with their wife/girlfriend. All my single friends are female and there's no chance of pulling on a night out if you're there with a single woman!!

Watch Yes I have been lucky. Also proactive. I do have lots of different groups of friends/family to go out with. I realised when I became single just how important it is to nurture friendships.

I never imagined attending a Rock & Roll gig. So happy I did

i think it does make a huge difference voice....

When i moved here i didnt know anyone, so its taken a long time. What with working, being a lone parent, reeling from seperating ( again) from my husband. I know people now, but its only school gate people, who are all married, and so only do family things.

I worked for a very small company, of 5 women, all married and older, and they didnt want to do anything social, although i now have a new job with 100's of new people :)

and then one or two old school friends ive found in the town, but not anyone i actually like. and again, all married and not wanting to go out.

Its quite hard. So, while i go out and do a lot of things, they are not things that are great for meeting and getting talking to new people.

Im 34, my DD is still youngish too ( 6 still) and most people my age have small dc's which again means they dont want to go out as its difficult with babysitters, and then they are just knackered anyway :)

48 - that is true, of course lots of it depends on how many pepole you know, how much time you have to do so, and the circumstances of the people you are being friends with.

Watch - yes, I'm always out doing stuff but there never appear to be any single people of either sex joining up to any of the clubs, hobbies or interests I belong to. People have suggested other clubs but when I've investigated them they tend to be full of much older people or mostly men!

Watch Again easier for me, my kids are grown up.

I do have the greatest admiration for single parents with younger children, life in general is tougher, without all the dating shyte.

Real life doesn't work for me either. I just get the same shit. Or nothing at all.

I go out a lot, I always have. I never did anything with my ex, we always socialised separately. But I rarely meet anyone and if I do, they take my number and never call. Or arrange a date and cancel. So no different really.

I'm not sure there's any point trying, guess I just have to accept the way it is.

ah, grown up children do make it easier i expect.
:)

I do a lot of stuff, go to gigs, do outsdoorsey stuff, ive got a massive long list. But it tends to be with people who have got young children, or who have to get back for babysitters, and we are just having a cactch up, so having fun, and they would be mortified if i went off chatting a man up!!! or of course, lots of dinners at their houses as they cant get babysitters ( on my childfree weekends) So, unless a burgler broke in, i know exactly whos going to be there :)

any club/ weekday thing is out of the question as i cant really get a babysitter nor afford one, unless its for some special reason.

Im not the only one in my postion though, which i supose is one of the reasons OD is so popular.

Velvet "I am finally at the stage where I would take a crumb of something, anything" Like watch says, it's not pathetic, it's a normal human emotion. But it also means that you are more willing to accept crap from someone like spacetwunt when you deserve so much better.

velvet, yep, you do go out a lot. im quite jealous. I dont remember the last time i went out, out. I remember my last gig, or last segway session, or last theatre visit, but not last time i went out.....

Have to say, it makes no sense, you are lovely, you are attractive, you have a nice personality, you are clever and funny and caring. It just seems to be some kind of weird bemuda triange of decent men.

I dont know what to suggest, other than dont accept crumbs, look at what you want, and stop giving head space to fuckwits like spacetwat.

We should declare this a crumb free zone

OD has replaced lonely hearts ads to some extent and it's just much more convenient and immediate. However, I only know two people that have had a relationship that went beyond a few months out of it. Bearing in mind how many people I know who have used it and how many really decent people hardly even get any dates out of it, even on the paid sites, I remain unconvinced as to how properly successful it really is outside of the major cities. Someone told me that single parents are traditionally more successful than those without kids with OD but how true that is....?