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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Cliches, arse ennui, new year hangovers and glancing at the sweet trolley. Dating thread 34!

999 replies

lubeybooby · 01/01/2013 17:54

New thread time! Great timing with it being new years day...

Most of you know what to do... off you go!

Just in case you don't... just chit chat all your dating related stuff here. If you are new, just jump right in to the blethering. More the merrier!

HAPPY NEW YEAR! :o

OP posts:
ike1 · 05/01/2013 18:01

Bill, CF is a bitch of a disease...bless you all.x

ike1 · 05/01/2013 18:07

I recently watched a film about Bob Flanagan, one of the oldest survivors of CF. Now I realise the content of that film would certainly not be everyone's cup of tea...but my goodness it brought home how incredibly hard that disease is on the individual and their family members. Bob had his.... ahem... particular way of dealing with it....but also wrote some incredibly moving poetry about his life.

Woopsiedaisy · 05/01/2013 18:09

Really feel for you Bill. Had a very close friend at Uni with CF and understand how distressing it was for everyone close to her when she picked up a cough or cold.

Hand holding!!

MsCellophane · 05/01/2013 18:09

Bill, CF is a horrible disease and of course minor illnesses will affect you all so much.

I have a child who has a disability and sometimes the differences show so much I feel my heart is breaking, so I know a tiny bit of how you feel. Many of my friends have life limiting disabilities and illnesses and I see how hard it can be for them.

I hope they get over their colds nice and quickly and get back to full health again soon

MsCellophane · 05/01/2013 18:14

Should read - many of my friends have children who have life limiting disabilities and illnesses

JulietteMontague · 05/01/2013 18:14

Interesting, I've had two confirmed scammers contact me in the last 2 days. GSM and okc. Maybe its the season with all the new joiners so if it doesn't look right...

Alittlestranger · 05/01/2013 18:22

I think with OD you just have to assume people are dating other people at the same time, but I think it's one of those things you don't discuss, like what they're doing if they take a long toilet break. I've had one person tell me that their weekend plan involved another date and I found it a bit odd, I think it's fine to say "having a drink" and I wouldn't even mind if they claimed it was with a friend.

As I see it, we're all on these sites for a reason, we're all trying to get our money's worth, either literally or not, you just can't pretend that it's as natural and serendipitous as locking eyes with someone across a crowded supermarket aisle etc.

I think OD relationships would have a much greater chance of success if people did keep their mits off the sweet trolley. Maybe I'm a hopeless romantic but I like to think if there was mutually, actually something real there people would be able to do that. But I think the nature of meeting so many people is that you're going to meet lots of people who you're sort of into, and because it's a format that prompts action, people are maybe inclined to arrange second, third and fourth dates just to see what happens; when normally in RL they'd let it slide. I'm not doing OD down in that respect, I think that structure is great, but by god it has its downsides.

I still think SpaceMan is a twunt though. Not for dating other women but for cancelling twice. If it was me I wouldn't give it to him, unless he started actively lying. I'd just let it slide, no contact, next.

It sucks though, I had one cancellation for a second date and it's hard not to take it too personally. But by the same token I'd been a bit blase about it as well so I think we were mutual backburners who decided to turn off the gas.

Apologies for the essay. For what it's worth I love lurking on this thread as I think unless you are ODing you have no idea what a odd world it is.

watchoutforthatsnail · 05/01/2013 18:40

You really dont, its a weird one, isnt it.

Now im going to ask for some advice....

i was just about to close my ok, had had a few messages, but not too bothered. One has re messaged me, so i thought id reply.

Anyway, his profile reads quite sensible and square. Have chatted about theatre etc, he said he impressed as ive been to a few places that other people hes dated didnt even know existed. BUT, if you read through his questions, lots are sexual or hint heavily at something more down the fetish/ BDSM route. Ive not answered many okc questions, i think it gives too much away and can give the wrong impression, so these are just the ones he HAS answered that i can see. Im nosey and want to know if hes just a perve, or not, but wont know unless i answer the same questions, which i dont want to do.
So - do i take it as red, seeing as hes answered these questions, hes a perve ( like the majority of highly educated, high flying, too big brains men, or that i have encountered in any case) or just ignore it for the momment?

or just delete my account as i was just about to :)

MsArsebiscuit · 05/01/2013 18:41

Just arrived back darn sarf and want to say I'm sorry, Bill, that your children have infections at the moment, on top of their CF - it must be very distressing for them and for you.
I've been fortunate that none of mine have had any really serious illnesses but I've dealt with a lot of sick children, it must be a nightmare for those parents like Bill and Juliette who see it from the other side.

MsArsebiscuit · 05/01/2013 18:44

Snail, perhaps he's trying to cash in on the whole 50 Shades' bollocks and mop up anyone who fancies being trussed with a tie while the nipple clamps get tightened.

VelvetSpoon · 05/01/2013 18:47

I have just been sitting in the bath mulling this over.

Knowing as I do now that Spacetwunt was out last night, I am convinced that tonight is BS, and that he hasn't got his DC, but is on another date either with same woman or a different one. He'll slip up, and that's all I'm waiting for.

I just have 2 more questions:

  1. Him cancelling when he did (assuming it is lies) - why say he wants to see me again still? Because he's keeping his options open?
  1. All the 'you're awesome Velvet' 'you're out of my league' etc etc - all bullshit as well right? Or if not bullshit just the same old crap he's peddling to all the others??
BantaBaby · 05/01/2013 18:50

Snail - I'd be cautious about the sex questions, although it's natural I guess to be curious on OKC about people's preferences in bed more than the questions they've answered about how well they cook etc. So people find themselves answering questions in order to find out more about people they're looking at. It's a red flag but not a huge one.

I'd be concerned about him saying he was impressed by the places you've been to. That strikes me as a bit patronising to be honest.. there there, pat on head - aren't you well travelled for a laydee.

Woopsiedaisy · 05/01/2013 18:54

Velvet I wouldn't waste another second thinking about him or trying to analyse his behaviour.

You are too good for him and he doesn't deserve any more of your time !!

BantaBaby · 05/01/2013 18:55

Velvet - 1) probably to keep his options open. 2) who can know? He may have an issue with you being out of his league and he's trying things out with someone less likely to dump him. It's impossible to say what's going on in his head.

If I was you, I'd leave it, don't bother getting in touch, and then if you wanted to turn the knife a bit (which is only fair) then if he does get back to rearranging the date, make it at a restaurant of his choosing and stand him up. You could even be incredibly sneaky and get a friend to pop in and take a surreptitious photo of him waiting at the table for you, then post it on his FB page while he's still there so his other girlfriends can see it. But that would just be cruel.

Bill - sorry to hear about your DC, hopefully they'll be up and bouncing around soon. And so will you.

watchoutforthatsnail · 05/01/2013 18:57

bant - i think it was more shock really, he said most people didnt even know it existed.
I think its a bit of a red flag too, not that i mind that stuff, but i dont see the need for it all to be on a dating site, you know.

Sponge - it doesnt really matter, does it.
hes an arse. The ' i do want to see you again' could be for any reason, ive been on the reciving end of this lots, some say it when they dont know what else to say, or so they arent the bad guy, or because they think they do want to see you, but when it comes down to it, they dont. You wont ever know the answer. its poo :(

The other one, with the comments, as the arse that didnt turn up to dinner, twice, said to me when we were chatting... ' men will say anything to get laid, we are dogs'
i think he was telling the truth. Its shallow flattery at best, after only one date ( or even a few) and just a way into your pants. Id only put any weight into stuff like that if it was a few dates in and it all felt a bit more honest, if that makes any sense. Thats not to say that he didnt think any of those things, or you arent those things, so please dont take it that way.

VelvetSpoon · 05/01/2013 19:02

I suppose I just want, for once, a man to like me for me. Not to only want to shag me. Supposedly he liked me being clever. He thought it was fab I was a lawyer.

And I'm clever (I went to Cambridge ffs), and attractive, and am oh so wonderful. Apparently.

And he'd rather go out with someone much less attractive, who can't spell for shit, and who appears to be (and judge me all you like for saying this) my inferior in every way possible.

I just don't get it.

Snapespeare · 05/01/2013 19:05

velv he might be trying to keep his options open, but he does know you know. This is good. especially if you are inclined towards evil. I am

Well, you are out of his league. And you are awesome. I don't necessarily think hat he doesn't believe this, I think, presuming he's a player, he knows what works with sexy gorgeous smart women. Can I ask, did he know your dating background at all? Is he using flattery to attempt to bolster your self esteem to get your knickers off? Promiscuous men see less promiscuous women as a challenge sometimes, they recognise that you don't give it out willy-nilly (...) and because you are 'sweetness and light, never nagging or complaining' this sort of person thinks you're a doormat. (Not saying that you are, but that good natures can be taken advantage of)

You asked him for a photo and he sent you one of him in his pants? Classy.

watchoutforthatsnail · 05/01/2013 19:06

neither do it.
it makes no sense.

have you tried a spray tan ;)

Nomorepain · 05/01/2013 19:08

velvet - getting back to the bedroom bit, did you tell him there wouldn't be any action as the time wasn't right? If men are such dirty dogs (I know I am naive but would like to think that they are not just after that) then maybe he is just a worm and gone somewhere where he can get his fill?!

He is a twunt. You are fabulous. He doesn't deserve you. I am absolutely convinced that you will find someone deserving of you at some point. I think you need some distractions. Can you book up some nights out with your friends? Might be just what you need

watchoutforthatsnail · 05/01/2013 19:11

You know, i think half the problem for you, and me, and lots of the women on this thread, is that online dating isnt the best forum for us. we just meet a string of men like him.... no one worth anything. Not that they arent out there, but just that they are few and far between.

we are trying to pick, from very very very slim pickings.
and if hes not treating you with respect,then he deserves no further thought.

VelvetSpoon · 05/01/2013 19:13

Snape re my dating background - not really. He doesnt know how long I've been single, or how long I've been doing OD. We shared our 'worst' OD stories, but that's about it. He's never asked me when my last relationship ended or anything like that.

The photo - we were texting the other day and he said 'I'm looking at myself in the mirror, I've really got to get back to the gym' (or something like that) so basically I was saying was it that bad etc, and he said I'll send you a photo, don't be too appalled I look awful etc. Hence that photo.

I thought he was different, what a mug I am. Another little bit of the hope I have left of ever meeting anyone died today.

VelvetSpoon · 05/01/2013 19:17

Nomore we never discussed bedroom stuff re tonight, not even if he would stay or anything. He just said how much he wanted to kiss me. Nothing more was said other than that.

I'm meant to be going out tonight with friends (who rallied at the last minute). But red eyes and a miserable face are not exactly the look I was going for.

watchoutforthatsnail · 05/01/2013 19:18

oh, dont say that.
dont.

i think its online dating thats the issue, i really do. Its not conductive to actual real relationships. be honest, how many people, in the lenght of this thread ( and in the ones in lone parents prior to this) ever had a proper sucess... we could probably count it on one hand.

UnbridledPositivity · 05/01/2013 19:20

Well, have told Greek Man that I can send him a photo. Have worked out through more vigorous internet stalking that we have a mutual acquaintance.

What's up with all those questions on OkC - are they ok to bring up in conversation if his answer was amusing? Would you judge someone for how many they answered?

What if he sees my photo and disappears like the other guy? I really don't think I'm that bad... BlushBlush

watchoutforthatsnail · 05/01/2013 19:20

and hurrah for rallied friends.
my evening is:
a game called ' party party party' with dd. a burnt roof of mouth from a too hot cheese and potato pie, and finishing off the xmas chocs.

go out, ignore the eyes :)

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