Why do some women RELINQUISH all responsibility for family FINANCES leaving the control with their Man???

[drosophila]

I know of two women (both are related to me) who have had no idea what was going on financially in their own home until the bailiffs came knocking.

Maybe I am a control freak but I cannot imagine being in a relationship where I do not know what was coming in and to a large extent what was going out.

Both of the women I know were married to self- employed men so it was easier for them to hide the financial mess they were getting into but surely in a relationship finances are an open affair even if you don't have joint accounts. Even after the bailiffs came knocking neither women took an interest in the financial affairs of their husbands.

I know another woman who is the only breadwinner yet her DP decides what the money should be spent on and goes mad if she overspends even slightly. I worry that we have not come very far since the days of women’s lib.

i spend
dh rsorts

dont understand the movements of his expenses whichar eare often in thosusnads

Indeed, Tessa Jowell has a lot to answer for

I control and spend all the cash!!

Weeeeel
I have a vague idea of what goes in and comes out of our account.
But tbh DH does do the financial stuff, largely because I used to have a job where I wasn't available to make or take calls during working hours. So it made sense for him to do it.
This suits us and isn't anything to do with letting the feminist side down.
If he is getting us into debt, then a) he is lying when I ask him how much money we have int he account, and b) it will be my own fault.

Vague ideas yes but these women I know had NO idea.

I control finances. I'm a cotnrol freak - and this way, dh is largely unaware of my online shoe shopping habit . Only kidding - but i DO manage finances - tis my forte. Dh is rubbish at money stuff.

I do it all.
dh is not really interested.

i find it a bit frustrating actually that he really dosnt bother at all!

but at least i know where we are. I cannnot understand how anyone can leave it all to their other half! (like dh! )

Im the main money earner and I control it all. Its my house, my car, all mine mine mine I tell you pmsl
If we did ever split up though I would be fair and give me a few pennies to last a few days.

'Cos it is easier. Also because I totally completely trust him and he is the most honest and open person that I have ever met. Also because he is and has been very stable and sensible. I know roughly how much his annual income is (he is self employed), and have a very vague idea of how much monthly mortgage is. Money I earn goes into my account, which is sort of savings, apart from gubbins that I need, and things that kids need, and food (come to think of it, that leaves not much left!). Money he earns goes into his account and he pays bills and gets stuff he needs. It is fairly loose. He handles that stuff, I handle things like food shop, cooking, cleaning because I have more attention for that kind of thing. I suppose it is a very '50's style relationship, but it works for us.

Agree Dros.

DH & I have separate accounts as well as a joint one for mortgage & bills. I manage the joint one and mine, obv, and have a rough idea of what's going on in DH's own account (i.e. I know how much he earns & how much he has left after paying into joint account).

He probably knows less about what I spend, and best kept that way imo.

numbers confuse and bore me - he's better at it so why not?

I did because I had post natal depression and could not cope. It wasn't a thought out decision, it just happened. I am a feminist and had been self sufficient and independent for years & would not have chosen for this to happen.

I kind of know our finaces but chose to have no interest init, leaving Dh to deal with it all. I deal with other household stuff. However I do know where and how to deal with it if I need to. I have full access to all of our fnances to use as equally as DH does.

ditto cataloguequeen.

i know what you mean. my isster jsut spends all of her husbands money like its going out of fashion and she is the one puttiing them in debt yet she refuses t o acknowledge it and has no real concept of the value of money, then i know another couple who literally still live seperate lives in the financial sense. he makes her pay for everyhting to do with their son and considers it HER responsibility and carries on as such. as a single parent i know i will get flamed for saying it but surely in a partnership both people have a responisbility for the bills, purchases etc and both should know exactly where they stand financially. i dont think i would be very comfortable being financially dependent on someone else. sorry if thats offensive to anyone i appreciate that everyone has a different view, thats just me personally.

I used to know exactly what was coming in and going out. Now I know what we are paying and but not how muuch we have coming in on a monthly basis. Dh is self employed and just cant keep track of it. I think that makes a difference.

Hi drosophilia,
My situation is interesting. Ive mentioned before that my DH is Japanese and we live in Japan. ANyway here, the majority of the women take care of the family finances. The husband basically hands over his wages or deposits them in his wifeS account. THen she gives HIM pocket money! I was so suprised when I found this was the norm here. Most women here dont have careers, or good jobs, but they are 100% in control of the family finances. COmpletely opposite to us. My DH asked me if I wanted to do this, and I had a think, but then I realised I couldnt be bothered with being solely responsible for the finances.It was nice to be given that option though. Also, I trust him completely and he`s really good with money. Much better than me. WE have chats about what to do with "our" money if he gets a bonus or whatever. I work part time at the mo, and just spend my measly wages on what I like, but usually something for both of us, like for the house or a night out for us.
So I am a woman who lets my husband organize all the finances
Maria

Sorry I didnt mean British women dont control finances, I meant we work for our own money, but its not taken for granted that we have access to our husband`s money.

Actually, self-employed husbands are far more cagey about finances than employed ones and women often have to tread on eggshells around the subject in order to bolster male breadwinning pride.

or is that just me?

I'm too much of a control freak to do this - and I take responsibility for making sure we have enough food each month, which I couldn't do if I didn't keep an eagle eye on our bank balance!

dh is the main earner now and I have to say i trust him completely tho only because i sit and watch work out the finances for the month and its all written down where i can find it. If he was being cagey or not telling me anything then I may be worried

We share it and I wouldnt do it any other way.

My sister handed over the finances to her self employed dh whom she utterly trusted. They had a great life and were seemingly doing really well. Turns out he built up debt in treble figures and hid it all from her. WHen she found out she took over the finances completely again.

She does partly blame herself as she never took an interest or checked on it.

IKWYM

hiw xinw a womanb doign it all is fine but a man doign it all si not?