Heartbroken and struggling to cope

[Chaoscarriesonagain]

That's just it really. DP and I have gone our seperate ways. He was perfect in the beginning .. Grew into aggressive, ill tempered and sometimes emotional abuser. It progressed into pushing me, bruises to boot etc. Yet after all this I didn't have the courage to leave. After a horrendous Christmas with MIL and my parents I cracked and told parents extent. Last night they helped me remove everything from our home together. His reaction was empty, infact he ran away.

I haven't eaten, I can't sleep, all I can think of is the love I have for him. I wish it could go , I feel like am in mourning. It goes against everything I believe in.

I am so lucky; everyone rallying round; all I want us to see him, smell him and kiss him. But he wanted to end the relationship; he blames me for awful MIL reaction to Christmas. I can't fathom out what to do. I want this man who never treated me right, I crave and desire him, against the best wishes if all friends and family.

I am really, really struggling.

It's obsession more than love, chaos.

I need to lose feelings for him. And I can't.

It doesn't mean am going back, am not. I just love and miss him so much and am struggling to accept how hard it's hit me.

Why am I obsessed? I don't want to be if I am!

I know, I built him into something maybe he just was not.

I can't ring or text, can I?

You need to go no contact. You need to fill your time & head with other things.

He has been your primary focus for two years, where you've been trying to please, appease and help him, where your behaviour and thoughts have revolved around him to the detriment of everything else in your life.

Of course there's a huge gap where he was, but what you had wasn't healthy and was abusive.

You're obsessing because you're on MN and I'm conscious that I and others are now probably guilty of feeding the obsession by letting you chew it over and over and over. You need to take yourself away, do something completely different and get your mind on something else entirely. Really... don't call or text unless you want to put yourself back on the slippery slope to more abuse, more obsession, more misery...

No.
Why.
He isnt real.
You need to fight it.

I dont know what peoples tips are in this situation?

I think you know the truth about him now.
And have accepted the truth.
Dont know the next step.
I am pretty sure, other MNs do though.

No, do not contact him

Put your trainers on and go for a walk, despite the weather. Leave your phone behind. Get off MN for a while.

Everytime you want to ring or text, picture having a child with him, a daughter, and explaining to them how you got your bruise on your arm, why mummy and daddy are arguing, why daddy always shouts at you, why you keep walking into doors and getting black eyes....

Picture your child as a young women repeating history and being beaten black and blue by her abusive boyfriend. She comes to you or advice. What do you say?

You need to be strong. You need to distance yourself from this man. He is a bully and if you ever make the mistake of going back, it will almost certainly get worse. Leopards very rarely change their spots.

Hi- just to let you know I know how you feel because I am in a similar situation at the moment.

I think of him all the time. Wondering what he is doing and if he is thinking of me. Its so hard isn't it.

I really do sympathise with you as I now how hard it is for me at the moment

Thank you everyone, you're very kind. And I know you're right.

I have spent the afternoon sorting out all my stuff- buried the photographs and memories for another day to sort through, for when am in a better state.

My father had giving me a talking down for crying for 2 days now so I decided I had to stop wallowing

thinkingofhim very hard, and he's being very callous and cold, which hurts even more. Am not a particularly sensitive soul but I have feelings and he seems to not think of them, only himself.

Your dad seems to know what is what.
Glad he is there for you.

Chaos keep reminding yourself just how callous & cold he is being, and how self centred he is, it should help .

I am ! I hope to one day meet someone truly decent like my father (corny).

Relationships should be mutually beneficial and I've witnessed true love between my parents, it's unconditional.

The love I had for him was just that. Am not sure he had the ability to love like me with hindsight.

It's such a difficult lesson and its going to get even harder as I find somewhere to live.

I think I've finally stopped crying. Father gave me a stern talking about crying solid for 2 days.

He wants to meet tomorrow.

Why?

Don't go.

He? Your dad or him?

him

I don't know. Am desperate to see him but can't, can i

No, because you're wanting to fall into his arms and let him tell you he'll never hurt you again. But he would.

He knows that the silent treatment is working because you texted him yesterday and showed your hand.

Now he wants to get back in your head and make it impossible for you to think straight.

No, you shouldn't see him. It emphatically will not help you.

I know. I want someone truly decent, not him. But obviously am still too attached to him just now :(

If you meet him, you will be drawn back in again i can guarantee it..
I can also guarantee if that happens, you will be back where you are now within a year.
You have to go 'cold turkey' to break free.

Would a short break somewhere help?
Getting away from routines and familiar things and places?