Heartbroken and struggling to cope

[Chaoscarriesonagain]

That's just it really. DP and I have gone our seperate ways. He was perfect in the beginning .. Grew into aggressive, ill tempered and sometimes emotional abuser. It progressed into pushing me, bruises to boot etc. Yet after all this I didn't have the courage to leave. After a horrendous Christmas with MIL and my parents I cracked and told parents extent. Last night they helped me remove everything from our home together. His reaction was empty, infact he ran away.

I haven't eaten, I can't sleep, all I can think of is the love I have for him. I wish it could go , I feel like am in mourning. It goes against everything I believe in.

I am so lucky; everyone rallying round; all I want us to see him, smell him and kiss him. But he wanted to end the relationship; he blames me for awful MIL reaction to Christmas. I can't fathom out what to do. I want this man who never treated me right, I crave and desire him, against the best wishes if all friends and family.

I am really, really struggling.

[amillionyears]

Oh heck

Agree with whoever said they should wear a TShirt.

[amillionyears]

It is so much easier the other way round.
When it can be seen, and is up to people what they do about it.

Feel like we are doing a timeline here.

And you are saying it was only over Christmas that you saw him for who he really is?

[Chaoscarriesonagain]

I know . I was and am so in love with him. And I always looked for that person in him, and it is there. It just then reverts back to anger.

I miss him so so much. Where is he? What is he doing, is he thinking of me?

I look so dejected :(

[Chaoscarriesonagain]

I saw him for who he was a year ago with the anger amillionyears but only when my family got a glimpse did I begin to crack

[amillionyears]

And they got a glimpse this Christmas?
Or a year ago? Sorry I am getting a little confused.

[Chaoscarriesonagain]

There is so much I can remember about the silly episodes that triggered the anger in him. But nothing should have triggered, no one should react like that

[Chaoscarriesonagain]

This Christmas

[amillionyears]

Sorry to say, but I think he may have somewhat emotionally moved on.

He has own issues. He can only cope with his own life, when life is going swimmingly.
I have seen it with people I know unfortunately.
[And, as a sort of btw. I dont know if many posters remember Frank [sometimes husband of Pat in Eastenders]
He was the life and soul of the party until things went wrong in his life. Then he did all sorts of rash things. Which took him months to get right and recover from]

[amillionyears]

It sounds like he needs therapy or counselling. I dont know the difference between the both.

It amazes me that people like him can keep his real self hidden for as long as 4 months.

[Chaoscarriesonagain]

You're so right, I know you are. He just can't cope witn life.

The hard and sad truth is I loved him and all I wanted was to be loved in return.

Ill never regret it, I did everything i could to make it work , help him, time and time again.

Am so very sorry that he couldn't help himself and respect me so little. Perhaps his love is different from the love I have been brought up with.

I miss him :(

[amillionyears]

Do you have work that you have to get back to at some point?

[Chaoscarriesonagain]

I've told him over and over to seek help. But he always goes back to a DM and she's so manipulative and I fear he has the gene too

[Viviennemary]

He is not a nice peson. You have admitted that yourself. Absolutely dwell on this side of the relationship. Every time you think about him say to yourself he was a nasty controlling agressive bully. Your subconscious should get the message in the end. that's the theory anyway.

[Chaoscarriesonagain]

Yes next Thursday. Parents 2 hours away and nowhere to stay, so scared

[dequoisagitil]

Can you take a leave of absence? I think it's very important you don't end up back at work so close to him with no support within 2 hours of you.

Is it a national company? Could you get a transfer?

[Chaoscarriesonagain]

No, sadly not, and I don't want to show weakness

I feel so lonely without him

[Chaoscarriesonagain]

I just wish him here. I used to wear his shirt every night to bed as I loved his smell. Am torturing myself

[CogitOCrapNotMoreSprouts]

" I accepted his behaviour as the sacrifice I had to make to be in love and create the perfect image."

You think he can't cope with life but he copes fine by throwing these overgrown toddler tantrums, blaming everyone else for his shortcomings and having others run around after him. You will have been replaced (or you will be shortly replaced) by someone who also feels sorry for him & believes that he would be perfect if only he got the love he deserved. It's how they get through life

During your relationship did he ever refer back to his ex, and if so, in what terms? Not glowing I bet.

[Chaoscarriesonagain]

Never slagged her off at all. None of it makes sense to me

Desperate to see him now, where is he :(

Can't bear the thought of him being with someone else

[amillionyears]

I think it is ok to want the image of what you thought you had, iyswim.

So long as you dont confuse that in the future with what is the reality.

That sounds harsh as I write that.
But perhaps what you need to read?

[Chaoscarriesonagain]

He was my everything. I invested so much and he's just gone

[Chaoscarriesonagain]

I know all of what I need to do, and you're right.

Am just really struggling with the love I have .

[dequoisagitil]

It isn't showing weakness, it's strength. Taking yourself back into his sphere of influence is temptation, not independence.

You've already been strong by telling people what is going on and shining a light on your relationship, you need to be a bit stronger again and find a way around the work problem.

[CogitOCrapNotMoreSprouts]

"Desperate to see him now, where is he "

He's either out finding his next victim or working up some kind of sob story/charm offensive to get his last victim back in the cage..... Yes, you are torturing yourself. The psychologically smart thing to do would be to take that rotten, stinking shirt and ceremonially burn it rather than keep using it as some kind of talisman. You also need to think about where you're going to stay when you start work on Thursday or face a very long commute. Could you get the ball rolling looking for a place? Channel your energy into something constructive?

[dequoisagitil]

It's obsession more than love, chaos.