Heartbroken and struggling to cope

[Chaoscarriesonagain]

That's just it really. DP and I have gone our seperate ways. He was perfect in the beginning .. Grew into aggressive, ill tempered and sometimes emotional abuser. It progressed into pushing me, bruises to boot etc. Yet after all this I didn't have the courage to leave. After a horrendous Christmas with MIL and my parents I cracked and told parents extent. Last night they helped me remove everything from our home together. His reaction was empty, infact he ran away.

I haven't eaten, I can't sleep, all I can think of is the love I have for him. I wish it could go , I feel like am in mourning. It goes against everything I believe in.

I am so lucky; everyone rallying round; all I want us to see him, smell him and kiss him. But he wanted to end the relationship; he blames me for awful MIL reaction to Christmas. I can't fathom out what to do. I want this man who never treated me right, I crave and desire him, against the best wishes if all friends and family.

I am really, really struggling.

[Chaoscarriesonagain]

Hey sparkly... Glad you too see sense in it. It's hard reading it back there, even this morning- despite the fact I wrote it!

I just feel at a bit of a loss with a lot of the behaviour. The association thin is really hard too; I can't watch Sunday brunch (which I love) for example , as I feel physically sick and just see him and I in our living room watching it , as we always did.

I don't doubt this is the right thing to do, it's just doing the right thing is not the easy thing to do. I feel I've wavered so much. Like I said above, I'll never understand it , but I do know it's unacceptable, unsustainable, and no one is deserving of it.

I just wish I didn't miss it anymore. I can't even say him, as he didn't really exist, as has transpired over the last few weeks. There are a lot of MN'ers in a far worse situation than me , however!

Did you wonder how you ever managed to get by day by day?

[Chaoscarriesonagain]

Urggghhh how could he do this to me, how could he?

[sparklyjumper]

Yep I know what you mean about things reminding you, with my previous ex I could never watch The Bill again, remember The Bill?! Couldn't eat certain foods, go to certain restaurants, it just fades in the end.

[Chaoscarriesonagain]

It's ridiculous. I drive to work and I drive past him. I feel prisoner to the pain

[SoleSource]

It is natural Chaos xxx

[Chaoscarriesonagain]

Tiresome !!!