Heartbroken and struggling to cope

[Chaoscarriesonagain]

That's just it really. DP and I have gone our seperate ways. He was perfect in the beginning .. Grew into aggressive, ill tempered and sometimes emotional abuser. It progressed into pushing me, bruises to boot etc. Yet after all this I didn't have the courage to leave. After a horrendous Christmas with MIL and my parents I cracked and told parents extent. Last night they helped me remove everything from our home together. His reaction was empty, infact he ran away.

I haven't eaten, I can't sleep, all I can think of is the love I have for him. I wish it could go , I feel like am in mourning. It goes against everything I believe in.

I am so lucky; everyone rallying round; all I want us to see him, smell him and kiss him. But he wanted to end the relationship; he blames me for awful MIL reaction to Christmas. I can't fathom out what to do. I want this man who never treated me right, I crave and desire him, against the best wishes if all friends and family.

I am really, really struggling.

Doubt it. Whatcha up to tonight then?

DH has just got home with fish and chips so the next few minutes wil be spent fending off FABCat who likes fish and chips from the chippy! .

How are you doing?

Any more texts from TwatHead?

Ha ha!! Enjoy :)

Packing bags as heading away tomorrow.

No more word, am really accepting it now ..

You do not crave or want this abusive man, you crave and want the security of a relationship. Abusers have this ability to make you feel like you are nothing without them and that they are the only people who would want to spend any time with you.

You are lucky to have such a big support network around you. You will want to be with him because all of a sudden he is no longer there.

I was in a mentally and physically abusive relationship with my ex husband for 10 years. In the end I snapped packed up my few belongings and moved into a bedsit. 5 weeks later he called me begging me to come back, then when i said no the threats started up again.

Ultimately daily we read about women who have remained in abusive relationships and sometimes it ending up really badly. His abuse is escalating and he has broken you down to the point where you feel you are nothing without him.

It will take time, it wont be easy but eventually it will definately be worth it.

Thanks t1971 I am already beginning to see that it is infant worth it!

Sorry to hear of your experience, I hope you are very happy now :)

Have a fantatsic weekend!

Thanks, you too!

Where's sole today?!

Reading tbe posts xx

Brb angel

Missed you , my friend!

hello chaos

Soo.. You seem a bit happier today. Are you going back to your area where you lived??
I am glad you've eaten.

I used to say to my ex my Fatber didn't treat my Motber lime tbat.

He would shout, bang his fists on furniture, car dashboard..
He was a cunt

He brought me to my knees almost.

Don't go back, please, pkease, don't xxxl

Hello :) yes, far happier!

Am able to see what i want today, and although I want a relationship and love, I don't want it like that!!!!

My ex did all that guff too! What makes us stay so long ill never know! X

Not going back, no nae never, no more!!!!

I'm not going back to the area, no. I want to stay at patents for the time being,

I believe I'll be happier here and reevaluate eveything with open eyes. No rash decisions!

Haha haar

I was with my ex for twelve yeats

Went to counselling
He just got worse
Vile abusive arsehole
We think we have powets,ti chanfe them

Just chanfes us for the worst.

Can make us bitter etc...

Bastards

Interesting that counselling can't make them see it. Did counsellor have an opinion???

Yes. I told.him I didn't love him in first session . Hedidn't go back obvs.

He smashed a dentin my car dashboard.

Yes. I told.him I didn't love him in first session . Hedidn't go back obvs.

He smashed a dentin my car dashboard.

Who even needs to react like that :(

Morning Chaos

Have you tried the pregnancy tests with words? unless you are me they are less inconclusive I think.

Hi Chaos. A lot has happened to you since I was last on here.
Have now caought up with the thread, but will apologise in advance if I say or mention something that is wrong or not relevant anymore.

Glad to see that you are eating again. partly because, if you are pregnant, and decided to keep it, you will need good nourishment.

I am not so sure about the you being angry with him part.Though I have not been in your position, and it seems to be helping you to see the situation as it really is.

Glad you are going away for some me time and pampering, and glad your parents are there for you, in a practical and emotional way. I sometimes think, no matter how old we are, most parents can still be useful.

As regards how you got sucked in. I think that is a trap that most of us can fall into.
As a child I witnessed a relationship that had the results of when a woman had fallen for a mans charms. And he changed after they got married, and she somewhat saw him for who he really was. In reality, he had been like it all the way along, but some aspects had remained hidden.
Would like to speak to that person about it, to find out his perspective, but he has now died.
Because of what I witnessed, I was faar more alert to that sort of thing happening to me. Not sure I could have necessarily stopped it happening to anyone else around me though.

Hi Chaos. I am not here much today, but I shall read this thread later for any.updates. I really hope you are feling just a teeny bit better even . It's still v.early days x

Hi everyone. Thanks for replies, I sent away today on train to shops and I've really , really struggled.

I am worrying again that am not coping; he was everywhere and I love and miss him so much. I miss the man I met and fell in love with, but he no longer exists.

I realise for some of you my ups and downs are getting monotonous , for that am sorry!

I feel like this is my opportunity to be honest, with myself.

I called him today :( I feel I need him, but everytime I do I regret it and today I hung up!

I keep looking around for him :( I am missing my home too. I feel in such limbo and so alone. Utterly dejected

You are not being monotonous Chaos :)

Keep posting. I had nobody. MN wasn't aroubd then. If I can lighten the load a teeny bit I will be grateful.

Its shit.
.

Who could blame you for feeling this,way. Its natural. You need to get it out.
Its early days.
(((Chaos))

Do you have your book with you?

It's been a week!

Steps back are bound to happen. Just move on. Don't dwell. Don't repeat.