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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Heartbroken and struggling to cope

781 replies

Chaoscarriesonagain · 29/12/2012 18:25

That's just it really. DP and I have gone our seperate ways. He was perfect in the beginning .. Grew into aggressive, ill tempered and sometimes emotional abuser. It progressed into pushing me, bruises to boot etc. Yet after all this I didn't have the courage to leave. After a horrendous Christmas with MIL and my parents I cracked and told parents extent. Last night they helped me remove everything from our home together. His reaction was empty, infact he ran away.

I haven't eaten, I can't sleep, all I can think of is the love I have for him. I wish it could go , I feel like am in mourning. It goes against everything I believe in.

I am so lucky; everyone rallying round; all I want us to see him, smell him and kiss him. But he wanted to end the relationship; he blames me for awful MIL reaction to Christmas. I can't fathom out what to do. I want this man who never treated me right, I crave and desire him, against the best wishes if all friends and family.

I am really, really struggling.

OP posts:
Original poster
Chaoscarriesonagain · 04/01/2013 10:53

I think it was the realisation that he immediately slipped into his own selfish ways and went crawling back to toxic mother, despite saying that he would never speak to her again

Am free, am so free!

OP posts:
OverlyYappyAlways · 04/01/2013 11:21

You so are, good move!!

Anything else around your house reminded you of him? I removed everything, only have a TV left which I like!

Original poster
Chaoscarriesonagain · 04/01/2013 11:23

Well am back at my parents which is a bit ps at as he's 'been here,sat there etc etc'...

But in time (a long time) my mr right will.

My dad never liked him , although he never told me, I knew. And if never want my mr happy ever after to be someone my darling dad didn't like!!!

OP posts:
Anniegetyourgun · 04/01/2013 11:26

Pity is wasted on such losers. Most of the self-pity is made up anyway, but if they do have real problems they don't let you help, they just drag you down too.

OverlyYappyAlways · 04/01/2013 11:26

Mine were the same, I drove to the registry office with my Dad asking 'are you sure, you can back out now' I didn't take him seriously enough.

Anniegetyourgun · 04/01/2013 11:28

I am so glad you have the Right Sort of Father. This will make it easier for you to recognise the Right Sort of Partner when he turns up, as he surely will.

Original poster
Chaoscarriesonagain · 04/01/2013 11:54

Yes annie yes!!!!!thats just it, I'd say to him, I don't see my father talk to my mother like this

OP posts:
Original poster
Chaoscarriesonagain · 04/01/2013 11:55

Ah yappy what made you go through with it then? Did you have doubts?

OP posts:
OverlyYappyAlways · 04/01/2013 12:02

I had many doubts Chaos, the violence started before I married, I thought if we married I would somehow learn to stop making him angry with me, most of his anger was jealous anger, he wanted me 24/7 with him, no friends, definitely no men friends...

I did it, still didn't work. I know better now. The man is a lunatic! I was also a lunatic for believing him, I was 21. I got there in the end, sometimes it was just easier, being quiet and telling nothing and pretending everything was fine.

The wedding was also paid for, flashy cars, buses etc.. my head was all over the place tbh! My mum asked me the night before... I kept giving the wrong answer, it scarred mine and mums reltionship, she cannot understand it...I keep trying to explain but, she doesn't understand tbh, I can understand that!

Original poster
Chaoscarriesonagain · 04/01/2013 12:27

Ah yappy how difficult. I understand why you did it, even if mother doesn't.

What I will never understand is how someone like me could get sucked in?!?! I am we'll educated, have a great job, family, head on my shoulders?! Maybe your mum can't understand as she hasn't been through it. I truly believe this could happen to anyone xxx

OP posts:
Original poster
Chaoscarriesonagain · 04/01/2013 12:30

Don't feel a lunatic. Age irrelevant. Love makes fools of us all.

The only mistake we made was not being true to ourselves. We would have done anything for them. And we did. Look where it got us!!!

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JustFabulous · 04/01/2013 12:30

Phew! Bloody hell, that was exhaustiing reading that Grin. I've been houseworking for 4 1/2 hours and needed a sit down. I need a lie down now!!

Please don't listen to this twat any more.

Please get a test and do it today. You really do not need to see the GP to do that.

When I split up with the twat who hit me I returned all the photos with him in them to him. Posted second class Wink. Why have you burried them and not binned them? Get them out, they are making your space toxic.

You don't have to talk to him anymore and who the fuck blackmailed you into talking to him? And don't fall for it again.

End of lecture.

Original poster
Chaoscarriesonagain · 04/01/2013 12:33

My tests are inconclusive! So gp on Tuesday, job done.

He's such a shit!!!

I buried the pics as I didn't want to launch them just yet. But I will. In time.

He black mailed me and I fell for it :(

Keep lecturing.. It's helping

OP posts:
JustFabulous · 04/01/2013 12:46

I just think a trip of 60 miles to the doctor is a lot when he might not even do another test anyway.

How late are you?

As Noel says, everyone is allowed one mistake. You had your one blackmail mistake. Let that go. You won't do it again.

OverlyYappyAlways · 04/01/2013 12:47

So we are non lunatic, we made made bad life choices, now we are making good ones.

My xbas lived in a drawer for a year Grin The pictures can wait, it feels so much better when you do burn them, or rip his face in half, or cut him up, I have never been as angry with a Teddy Bear before he bought me it though the poor teddy well, yes I was bit mean to it. Oh its just a bloody bear. Grin

So you think you are pregnant then? How do you feel a about that?

Original poster
Chaoscarriesonagain · 04/01/2013 13:15

I'll need to return to work anyway, so not south about the miles

3 weeks late. I feel calm about it. In my head I don't think I am. Or maybe that's just a survival technique?

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JustFabulous · 04/01/2013 13:30

Eek. 3 weeks is quite a lot but it does not mean you are. You can be late for other reasons. If you know you want to keep the baby why not act as if you are. Take folic acid, stop drinking, etc etc anything like that that you would want to do if you were trying to conceive.

Original poster
Chaoscarriesonagain · 04/01/2013 17:43

Yeah. It is!

I've had 2 gins since and before I was concerned, so been behaving sensibly.

Felt great today. Wore make up, did my hair nice and got a wild whistle, lol.

Went out to a friends to see her baby and her shitty husband came in and the atmosphere changed. As truly sad as I am for her, I needed to see it to realise that could have been me. And it won't, as I won't allow myself to be spoken to /treated like that by a man ever again,

I have even eaten, hurrah!!!!!

OP posts:
Allergictoironing · 04/01/2013 18:06

Food is Good - was it something nice & indulgent?

Original poster
Chaoscarriesonagain · 04/01/2013 18:13

Small bit of Chinese, but it's a start

Can't believe it's been a week since D-Day

It's made we wonder looking on MN, and through my own situation, just how we end up in such situations in the first place???!!

Why do we all agonise over men and shut up and put up? Why! This is rhetorical, just got me thinking after looking at active conversations

OP posts:
Allergictoironing · 04/01/2013 18:18

Yep chinese much better than choking down a slice of bread or something equally boring. How about trying to tempt yourself with a bit of cake or ice cream? You do need to get back into the habit of eating, and tasty indulgent foods will help that.

Original poster
Chaoscarriesonagain · 04/01/2013 18:23

Maybe going to try Christmas chocolates later!

OP posts:
JustFabulous · 04/01/2013 18:43

Soon you will be strong enough to support your friend when she decides she needs to leave her twatty husband Wink.

Original poster
Chaoscarriesonagain · 04/01/2013 18:46

Ha ha yes, but that will never happen !

OP posts:
JustFabulous · 04/01/2013 18:55

Never say never...