Heartbroken and struggling to cope

[Chaoscarriesonagain]

That's just it really. DP and I have gone our seperate ways. He was perfect in the beginning .. Grew into aggressive, ill tempered and sometimes emotional abuser. It progressed into pushing me, bruises to boot etc. Yet after all this I didn't have the courage to leave. After a horrendous Christmas with MIL and my parents I cracked and told parents extent. Last night they helped me remove everything from our home together. His reaction was empty, infact he ran away.

I haven't eaten, I can't sleep, all I can think of is the love I have for him. I wish it could go , I feel like am in mourning. It goes against everything I believe in.

I am so lucky; everyone rallying round; all I want us to see him, smell him and kiss him. But he wanted to end the relationship; he blames me for awful MIL reaction to Christmas. I can't fathom out what to do. I want this man who never treated me right, I crave and desire him, against the best wishes if all friends and family.

I am really, really struggling.

we shall find out tomorrow what the result is. Going to GP? Do you have a nurse at surgery? We have to know the answer

Please Chaos take a test FIRST thing. Get a pot to catch wee first thing ok?

You have a test?

Get this . Just got a text

OOOOOOOH

what does it say???????

'Thinking of you and (insert our chosen baby names), from what I understand dr's do not give results anymore. Suggest another test and call to midwife, x'

Eh fuck off. Deleted before I ranted

I started drafting a rant but I know he's been out all day and really? I called him at 3pm??? Wtaf it's almost midnight

He doesn't want.you but wants the baby and wants you to make the calls etc. This is the life of a single parent I am afraid.

Suggest anither test is what I suggested but he has been snidey in past of implying you are telling fibs.

When did you text him last time?

31st dec. am ignoring the bastard. No way is he making suggestions and controlling the situation this time

no way

And 10 to midnight!!!!!!!

Ahhhhhh thats the spirit. Lol

Made us a

Now

Tell me more..

you might have gone to bed?

Patronising fucker .

Ignore ignore ignore.

Ignored! I went so bed sole!

Exactly fabulous I just keep thinking how could he and he just keeps doing it!!!

It's probably a good thing he IS still being a stupid twunt, as he's just reinforcing your decision to leave him .

Wasn't my decision though ironing :(

sole re more, I have called work and taken today and tomorrow as annual leave.

I will continue to ignore him. Am very sick today so will need to leave off the test until I feel better, as I'll have to get it myself. My dr is over 60 miles away now. To be honest it's not my no1 priority just now.

I suppose his behaviour has reinforced that this is who he is, as hard as it is for me to acknowledge.

My cousin has got engaged which is lovely news, and he's asked me to give a reading about love st the wedding (the irony!)

Did you ever feel like its everyone else around you being happy and not you? I have a bit of black sheep syndrome. I am so fortunate at work, although I worked incredibly hard to get here.. But am I just hopelessly unlucky in love??

I keep fantasising I'll meet someone delightful and it will take all the pain away

It was your decision really - otherwise you wouldn't have a) told your parents or b) gone with them when they came to get you.

At the moment you are still very raw, for goodness sake it's been less than a week since your world fell apart! But in between the agonising longing for him, you're starting to show signs of irritation and anger at his behaviour since the split. Use those feelings, every time you start to really miss him remind yourself what an arse he's being and recall your anger & irritation. They may not destroy that desire to be back with him, but may mask it long enough until it dulls a bit & becomes more bearable?

Thanks ironing, I think I just cracked after having such a good day with them, it was a relief to be honest.

I didn't want to go with them when they arrived but you're right, I did in the end.

Yes , it is very , very raw. How could I get it so so wrong? How are the ones we love the most the ones that can do this to us? It's made me think as a person too. How I will be kind to everyone I meet and never treat any human with such little regard for their feelings.

How very disappointing. I need to find comfort in something, I just don't know what??

How are the ones we love the most the ones that can do this to us?
They can do this BECAUSE they are the ones we love the most, if we didn't love them so much in the first place they wouldn't have the power to cause us so much hurt.

You are in a state of mourning at the death of your marriage and your dreams, so it will be hard to find much comfort in the big things in life right now. So try to get the comfort you can find from smaller things - warm bed, comfort foods, a chickflick on the TV, the unconditional love your parents obviously have for you (not that this is small by any means!), the fact you don't have to walk on eggshells all the time to keep him from exploding.

Thanks ironing you're so right! I've not been able to concentrate on the tv, films or anything much so far.

My parents have had lots of visitors which have helped me greatly.

I still have so much unpacking to do, how do you suggest I face it?? I hate the constant reminders.

I'd personally leave the unpacking for a bit apart from stuff you need to function, though I am a complete procrastinator (never do today what I can leave until tomorrow!).

Get yourself in a slightly less despairing place & with a bit more strength before you tackle it, then maybe ask your mum to help you with it so you have some support when you come across something that reminds you?

He's just text again, 'how are you'?

How does he bloody think you are? Twunt. He doesn't mean "how are you, a real human being with feelings, feeling", he means "are you coming back yet, there's a pile of washing that needs doing".

It may help you eventually get your head round things if you realise that what he meant by "love" is not the same thing you are currently suffering from. You actually cared about that man. He wants his teddy bear/domestic appliance/verbal punchbag back because it was so handy.

I know Annie it's just so hard. It's so tempting to give up on love when one is hurt like this

You would think he could manage more than a how are you considering ....

Is there a reason you haven't blocked him yet? Or maybe reply saying we are over, stop texting me, I don't want to hear from you.