Heartbroken and struggling to cope

[Chaoscarriesonagain]

That's just it really. DP and I have gone our seperate ways. He was perfect in the beginning .. Grew into aggressive, ill tempered and sometimes emotional abuser. It progressed into pushing me, bruises to boot etc. Yet after all this I didn't have the courage to leave. After a horrendous Christmas with MIL and my parents I cracked and told parents extent. Last night they helped me remove everything from our home together. His reaction was empty, infact he ran away.

I haven't eaten, I can't sleep, all I can think of is the love I have for him. I wish it could go , I feel like am in mourning. It goes against everything I believe in.

I am so lucky; everyone rallying round; all I want us to see him, smell him and kiss him. But he wanted to end the relationship; he blames me for awful MIL reaction to Christmas. I can't fathom out what to do. I want this man who never treated me right, I crave and desire him, against the best wishes if all friends and family.

I am really, really struggling.

Thanks Olympic! It's still a bit scary but last night I dreamt about me telling people in everyday situations about how it's over. Ie at hairdresser

I feel this is really great as my mind and subconscious are accepting it

Definitely- your mind is starting to process the situation and reading through the thread I could see you have started to have eureka moments.
Its normal to be bewildered by your own emotions: how they can change or how many different emotions you feel . It's as if they have all been tangled up and you have to work out which ones belong to you and which ones were brought about because of his actions-reactions from you which either protected you in some way at the time (like denial) or were due to frustrations ( when you had had enough of his coldness or total absence emotionally). Then you have to work through them and it won't be overnight. But that diesnt mean it will be a long time either. You're only 26- you have so much to look forward to..This is about little steps at a time now and then whatever you want to do for the rest of your life! You are free from his guilt tripping and confusing bullying. There is nothing you need from him!
Maybe arrange to see a good friend or go for a really nice walk with family or your dog. Hopefully your appetite will or has come back too.

Problem! Preg test shows faint blue line!!! Going to try for doc apt tomorrow. Thought I should tell him and he was awful to me, just confirms all I know

Accused me of lying, it being impossible (we used the withdrawal method) , its not!

Token gesture 'ill come with you' - I think it's because he doesn't believe me

What next? Can the test be wrong?

Withdrawal method & he thinks it's impossible? Ha ha ha ha ha. Renowned as the least reliable method of contraception, even less "safe" than timing it to your cycle. " typically 18% of women using this method become pregnent in a year " - quote from a contraception site. refers to it as "the birth control method that's better than doing nothing" lol.

Ahhh buggar

Google contraception methods & their reliability Chaos. Half the sites don't even bother to mention it, but I found this one contraception.about.com/od/naturalmethods/p/withdrawal.htm

Still go to see your GP, I'm no expert on pregnancy (thank goodness) but I gather the results can be affected by what stage you are in your cycle with some people?

Ad maybe send your ex that link?

Useless ignorant pig!!!

He is the liar not you!!

Take another test and go to GP/nurse tomorrow?

Keep fignity, don't call him again unless t is definate about pregnancy etc..

I know. Hope it's neg.

Can't believe his attitude. But in a funny way it's helping me, this is who he is!!!

He's not my handsome snug bug man

He's a bastard!!!

Well his loss, cold hearted pretender!

Honestly, can't wait to kiss someone someday down the line and say thank you for being a true gentleman

Could well happen.

Freedom programme

Been reading today?

Read!!! Read all in a oner.

Bully and persuader. He'll never change

But I will. Ill run at warning flags from now on!

Read it all?????

It's readable in a few hours sole not a big long book just jailer, headworker, bully, liar, badfather, sexual controller, king of castle, jailer, I may have missed some. Oh yeah then examples of how normal men should behave. I have yet to meet a normal man ...

Hope you are okay OP!

Am a fast reader, I proof for work a lot!

The shock is disappearing yappy.. He's a right bleeeep

Chaos you are courageous. Reading that. We're here no matter how long it takes for you to realise it wasn't you to blame. You just need to re educate you. As I do.

It's not nice is it?

I had the dreams too, I dreamt about everything sadly, I have stopped now, unless something happens in my life which involves him, he wont away like a normal person....

So will he be coming to your appointment? Sorry I need to read back

Well sole he 'wants me to let him know' and he will be there

Also said why doesn't he text my parents to tell them too, which is unfair of him until absolutes and shows how spineless he is

He's a bad, bad man. Now I regret saying and I don't want him there. He wouldn't believe me otherwise though. Nasty

I read back... and No he wont he is bastard!! Good keep him that way!

Well done and reading it, I stayed in a reltionship like this for 15 years, I freaked me out a bit, well the dreams did, I had to unblock it all! You have your whole life ahead of you, you don't need someone like that in your life, even if you are pregnant, decide to keep the baby, you will be happier alone ime!

So I still hand a key for the house, how can I make myself feel better... Just kidding.. Kind of...

• have

prawns under rugs, curtain tops, glue prawns back radiator

Is he out? eggs in his bed would work

Sorry also just kidding....