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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

I'm feeling a bit dissapointed in my bf.

31 replies

SlightlyConfusedAlwaysMad · 25/12/2012 19:28

I've been seeing someone for a few months and he was recently introduced to dd (7). He's all alone for Christmas so asked if he could come over to mine, I said it was too soon to spend the day with us but he's more than welcome to come in the evening. Spoke to him about 5 and he said he was heading up now, spoke to dd and said see you soon. 30 mins later I get a text saying 'changed my mind will come up tomorrow'. So I then had an upset child which could have been avoided if he just hadn't said anything!

Argh. Sorry not major or serious just annoying

OP posts:

Doha · 25/12/2012 19:30

Sorry sounds like he got a better offer,
How cruel to do that to a child.
Did he give you any explanation?

MMMarmite · 25/12/2012 19:35

That's annoying.

Does he have kids himself? If not, it might not occur to him that she'd be getting excited about it and would be so upset at the change of plan.

Still a bit unfair on you though.

Lueji · 25/12/2012 19:39

Why was your DD upset, though?
She has just been introduced to him, right?

I know DS wouldn't be that upset even if his cousins had changed their minds.

If your DD has been introduced, why is it too soon to spend the day? Or does she not know he's your partner?

If he is all alone, I think it was a bit off to tell him to come only in the evening. At least for lunch.
In his place, I'd feel that I didn't mean a lot to you.
And it's a bit crap to leave someone all alone Christmas day.
Would you have kept away a friend who was all alone on Christmas day?

CajaDeLaMemoria · 25/12/2012 19:40

That seems very odd... If he wanted to spend the day with you why did he suddenly change his mind? After telling you and your DD?

I think he either got a better offer, or he never intended to come but didn't want you to plan anything else. Both seem very mean spirited.

Earlybird · 25/12/2012 19:45

No explanation from him - just 'changed my mind'?

He doesn't sound very nice

he's let you down
he's given a poor reason
he's informed you by text rather than phoning

Based on that incident alone, not sure I'd want to pursue a relationship.

Leverette · 25/12/2012 19:51

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Lueji · 25/12/2012 19:52

Based on that incident alone, not sure I'd want to pursue a relationship.

I suspect that's what he's thinking after being snubbed for Christmas day.
And that's why he behaved that way.

Original poster

SlightlyConfusedAlwaysMad · 25/12/2012 19:53

Dd takes let downs to heart Luiji so I don't tell her things are happening until just before in case it doesn't happen. I should have said joining me for the day would have involved going to my mum's to spend the day with my entire family, some of whom haven't met him yet sorry if this sounds as drip feeding.

Mmmarmite he doesn't have kids of he's own but he did like with he's ex and her kids for 2 years so should be aware that you should try not to let them down. I don't think he got a better offer as he's tried to call me a few times from he's home phone he's reason for not coming is its cold out.

OP posts:

Lueji · 25/12/2012 19:59

Have you talked to him, then?
Maybe he didn't realise it was such a big deal for your DD, for example? Or you?

BettyStogs · 25/12/2012 20:00

It's cold out? It's December what does he expect?

Earlybird · 25/12/2012 20:08

Can understand using weather as a reason to change plans if it was snowing a blizzard, or there were gale force winds. But 'too cold' is a truly pitiful excuse.

He is thoughtless, rude, selfish, inconsiderate, etc. If he treats you this way and you've only been seeing him a few months (and he's only just been introduced to dd), imagine how he'll treat you in a few years (if you continue seeing him). Move on.

Original poster

SlightlyConfusedAlwaysMad · 25/12/2012 20:09

Only briefly to say I'm playing a game with dd and would call back when she's in bed then again an.hour later to say we are watching a film before bed but I'd call him back about 8 o'clock. It wasn't a big deal for me in a way it's a relief as I can have a bath and an early night. Obviously if he had come I would have enjoyed snuggling up watching tv :)

He may not have thought it through, left the house got into the cold and wet and thought 'I would rather not'. As I say if it was just me I wouldn't mind I was just disappointed on dd's behalf

OP posts:

SweetSeraphim · 25/12/2012 22:00

Well you should mind! Very rude indeed, and if someone didnt want to see me on Xmas Day because it's a bit cold , I wouldn't bother my arse about them I'm afraid.

TranceDaemon · 26/12/2012 00:12

Sack him off OP! Don't accept such shoddy treatment please!

He doesn't even have a decent excuse. Accept this, and be prepared for being treated like crap in the future. Have high standards, accept NO shit like this. That is how to weed out the dickheads!

GoldQuintessenceAndMyhrr · 26/12/2012 00:29

Hmm.

Makes you wonder why he was all alone for Christmas? You have only seen him a few months, and he had nobody else to spend the day with?

suburbophobe · 26/12/2012 00:41

Well, that's really shit.

Xmas Day, he's met your DD, said he would come over and has cancelled?

Why bother any more? He doesn't have your best interests at heart and obviously had a better offer.

Please don't introduce these wankers to your vulnerable daughter who is only 7. You need SO MUCH BETTER TOO in your life. (I am a LP).

Tell him to fuck off tomorrow.

Onwards and upwards in 2013! I say.

Aussiebean · 26/12/2012 00:46

Your point about 'if it was just me I would mind' is sad. You should mind even of it was just you.

What he did was rude a d shows he has very little respect for you and your time. Regardless if you have a child if not.

If I was single and the guy I was dating did that to me, I would seriously rethink.

LittleBairn · 26/12/2012 01:06

bold maybe he spent it all alone seeing as the OP is the one who chose not to spend the day with him. It's unfair to imply he was up to no good.

jessjessjess · 26/12/2012 01:10

This is horrible - sacking offence frankly.

zippey · 26/12/2012 01:29

Its no big deal, and Im glad you're not too fussed about it either.

He changed his mind, men (and women) are allowed to do that. Im not sure why people are so upset on your behalf on here. Maybe it was too cold, or he felt tired or he couldnt be bothered travelling. All of these things are minor and perfectly understandable.

Im sorry your daughter was upset about it, but she will get over it. If you want to look at it positivly, its a good life lesson for her! Unexpected stuff happens, so just revert to plan B, which Im glad was enjoyable. Hope you both had a nice day.

okaynowitstheseason · 26/12/2012 01:32

Lueji has it right. If someone made it clear they didn't want to spend Christmas day with me, then decided to allow me a few hours, I'd reconsider it too.

SomersetONeil · 26/12/2012 03:00

He doesn't have anyone to spend Christmas day with? No family? No friends....?

Odd.

In any case, he sounds like a flake. I find flakiness pretty intolerable but appreciate others don't mind it so much.

Be a bit wary. You're obviously annoyed enough to start a thread about this, but as soon as a few of us have come on to agree that his behaviour was out order, you're downplaying, minimising and excusing.

It's OK to not be happy about stuff like this and to not have to accept it.

The no family or friends thing would have red flags waving for me, and then the added flakiness would have me pretty much re-considering...

Original poster

SlightlyConfusedAlwaysMad · 26/12/2012 10:27

Thanks everyone for the replies it's given me things to think about. To clarify a couple of things he was due to fly abroad with he's family to spend a week with extended family but an emergency at work ment he had to work straight through to Christmas eve. Not sure why he didn't go to friends I know he had offers.

I started this thread as I was annoyed my dd was upset especially on Christmas day and wanted to vent before speaking to him so I didn't have a go. I spoke to him last night and he apologized and said he was feeling low after spending the day alone. I told him he should have told me that from the start and to be more careful in future with dd, if he promises something breaking that promise needs to be the exception not the rule.

OP posts:

cronullansw · 26/12/2012 10:34

He didn't go to spend time with friends as he was hoping to be with you....

You bailed on him, then grudgingly (in his mind at least) granted him audience for a couple of hours late in the day. By then he'd had a beer or two, got bored, got slightly maudlin, hadn't eaten as well as he'd hoped got slightly grumpy, and correctly didn't chose to impose himself upon you.

End. Of. Story.

Tryharder · 26/12/2012 10:48

I agree with cronullansw.

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